11:45 PM |
This is why you come to the Pumpkin Show. It has been here for like over a hundred years. Not the pumpkins, the show. All this stuff is in the middle of the fair and is sorta hard to get to but is totally spectacular. The piece de la resistance is the weighing of the biggest pumpkin. A girl at the canned goods room tells me that Dr Liggett usually wins. I did not get to see the huge pumpkins but they are over 1000 pounds.
These are the magnificent pumpkins you can buy most for $1 or $2. You can buy the 437 pound pumpkin and they will deliver. Probably not to Pennsylvania though. They suggest UPS but I'm sure my UPS guy Rich won't want to unload it and it won't fit on the mat at my kitchen door.
This is Blossom Koch. I know I got the last name right but I'm not sure of the first one but pretty sure. You know those farm boys. This is the head pumpkins he grows. He puts a pumpkin the size of your fist in the mold and let it grow for two weeks and there you have it. Blossom has one of only two molds in existence. They are patented by a Czech. You can buy head pumpkins for $40 apiece which is a lot but in the larger scheme of things a bargain at any price.
This is gourds you can get for $1 a bag. This is Micah who sells gourds.
This is freak pumpkins. Not sure what is so freaky.
Damn people in the room next door will not get up to turn off alarm clock. Finally stops. And starts again after a little. Tired and pissed. Look out window. Actually back up beeps on construction equipment. Time to rise anyway. Find out that after driving for days I could have gone through Pittsburg and gotten here in about 7 hours.
Determined to finally get to New Martinsville. For whatever reason I keep on calling it Jenkensville and then can't remember the right name even when I do that ABC thing in my mind. Road to Jenkensville is another curvy West Virginia nightmare but with only medium grades so this is an improvement. Have to pee so look for gas station in this god forsaken country. No rest room. Mean lady. First mean gas station lady on trip. Or ever as far as I can remember. She isn't sure if they have a rest room in Wallace which is four miles down the road. Pass Wallace. No gas station. No nothin'. Begin to see an enormous amount of huge construction equipment. Usually will stop to ask about it and if I can sit in it but I just can't figure out this bizarre location of equipment in the middle of nowhere. I can't tell that there is any actual construction going on in West Virginia and I don't know how people make a living here. Lots of log trucks and a pile of 6 by 6es. It is a sawmill. I really want to stop because I have never been in a sawmill before but passed because this is West Virginia and I bet OSHA doesn't visit very often. Drive drive drive. Ahead on the creek bank is a sorta refinery thing sprung up like a mushroom. It looks like the wallboard places in Canada. I guess this is where they do construction but I can't see anything being constructed. No signs. Then a tiny one. Dominion Refracting Plant. I am not sure who Dominion is but I think it has to do with petroleum. I'm not sure what a refracting plant is. And then it hits me. This is fracking. This must be the Marcellus Shale where natural gas comes from and wants to put a pipeline across the street from me and maybe even a fracking place with holding pond so they can pretend they are protecting the environment when we all know the water will actually be combustible like in that documentary. I can't believe this is what the operation looks like. I am scared. Look it up. Dominion is indeed Dominion Gas and this is what it is going to do: Export Marcellus Shale Gas While Caiming Its Necessity for U.S. Energy Security. No wonder the West Virginians exhibit so much dispair. Signs in front of shanties and crumbling mobile homes:
Determined to finally get to New Martinsville. For whatever reason I keep on calling it Jenkensville and then can't remember the right name even when I do that ABC thing in my mind. Road to Jenkensville is another curvy West Virginia nightmare but with only medium grades so this is an improvement. Have to pee so look for gas station in this god forsaken country. No rest room. Mean lady. First mean gas station lady on trip. Or ever as far as I can remember. She isn't sure if they have a rest room in Wallace which is four miles down the road. Pass Wallace. No gas station. No nothin'. Begin to see an enormous amount of huge construction equipment. Usually will stop to ask about it and if I can sit in it but I just can't figure out this bizarre location of equipment in the middle of nowhere. I can't tell that there is any actual construction going on in West Virginia and I don't know how people make a living here. Lots of log trucks and a pile of 6 by 6es. It is a sawmill. I really want to stop because I have never been in a sawmill before but passed because this is West Virginia and I bet OSHA doesn't visit very often. Drive drive drive. Ahead on the creek bank is a sorta refinery thing sprung up like a mushroom. It looks like the wallboard places in Canada. I guess this is where they do construction but I can't see anything being constructed. No signs. Then a tiny one. Dominion Refracting Plant. I am not sure who Dominion is but I think it has to do with petroleum. I'm not sure what a refracting plant is. And then it hits me. This is fracking. This must be the Marcellus Shale where natural gas comes from and wants to put a pipeline across the street from me and maybe even a fracking place with holding pond so they can pretend they are protecting the environment when we all know the water will actually be combustible like in that documentary. I can't believe this is what the operation looks like. I am scared. Look it up. Dominion is indeed Dominion Gas and this is what it is going to do: Export Marcellus Shale Gas While Caiming Its Necessity for U.S. Energy Security. No wonder the West Virginians exhibit so much dispair. Signs in front of shanties and crumbling mobile homes:
Dominion
Build Here
Hire Here
Ta-da! New Jenkenstown, uh, New Martinsville. Stop for potty break and directions. They let you do this without buying gas in New Martinsville. Plus they have Hostess Pies in the wax paper. Must resist as getting closer to Quinet's. Quinet's is the place I was looking for in February when I got lost somewhere in Appalachia for the whole day with no gas. Very nice man tells me to go by Witchy's and turn left. O-kaaay. Find out that Witchy's is really Wichey's and looks to be a general or furniture store. Pull up in front of Quinet's. Just at noon for lunch. Appears to be closed. Fuck. This is the second time in two days in West Virginia that the restaurant of my destination is closed. And New Martinsville is not on the way to anywhere. Pull up in front anyhow. Decide to pull on door just in case. The door opens. Hold breath. Tables empty. I'm pretty sure they're just doing some maintenance so am not sure if I should walk in or not. Having nothing to lose, walk in. They are open! Turns out that 12:15 is really the hot time and I am just early. Seat myself because that's what I think you do. This place is huuuuuuge. Guessing the entire town comes here for lunch. The Rotary meets next door so that is a help. Order sweet tea and, duh, the buffet.
They buffet is also huuuuuge. I have never seen so many things at a buffet. It winds around five different places and I assumed each one has the same stuff. It does not. Read that stuffed cabbage is really good as are the homemade noodles. Opt for neither. Had to have the pineapple sauced ham loaf. The buffet does not have labels but I also read about the ham loaf and sought it out. It was with the meatloaf which also looked really really good. I have never had ham loaf. It is the inspiration for Spam. It is very good. This is my plate. I have limas and carrots and baked beans the former and latter being good things on the Four Day Body eating plan. Also have mashed potatoes and pulled pork with onions in it. Everything is sublime. The potatoes seem to be made from the homemade soft white dinner rolls and just about float off the plate. I have never had cornbreat that will also float off the plate. Limas okay. 
Now here's the kicker: there are four dessert buffets. Ice cream. Case after case after case of cookies. Puddings. Banana. Chocolate. More. Cakes. Pies. I love pie. This is my plate of pie but it doesn't do any justice to Quinet's pies. Clockwise from top to bottom are banana cream, lemon merengue and apple. The white stuff is kinda like homemade Cool Whip but with real cream and eggs. Sublime. Finished meal. This is an arguement for bulimia or the ancient Roman vomitorium. So you can eat more. May never eat again. Check out at front register. Find out that this is the third generation of Quinets to own the place. Thier portrais are on the wall. The cashier gives me a magnet while I stare at the sticky buns. This is the sticky buns. Should bought a t-shirt that is for a track team fund raiser and says Fueled By Quinet's. By the way, there was also an old guy whose t-shirt said Stop Forrest Stop.
Roll out to Woody and take inordinate amount of time deciding where to go next. Somewhere in Ohio. Drive drive drive. Finally get to Parkersburg West Virginia which is where I was headed in the wrong direction with no hotels last night but it is on the way to Ohio. Right before it is big sign: Fastest Way Across River. Count me in. The 50 cent toll was the best money I have ever spent because I landed in Ohio. Ohio is right across the Ohio River. Ohio is a whole nother place from West Virginia. Suddenly the dells are wider. The sun shines. The roads are cleaner. There are gas stations. The houses are painted with tidy lawns. And the people are nice. I really like Ohio. I will never go back to West Virginia. Ever.
Drive down beautiful riverside road with rest stops that are actually for resting on the riverbank as well as having toilets. Pass one and catch other old cars in parking lot. Press ah-ooga horn. Get a wave back. Shoulda stopped. This is why: the road goes back into West Virginia. It is another black hole. I look longingly back to Ohio. It appears there is a road back there but I can't tell by the map. The map is in cahoots with West Virginia. This is where the Jerry Garcia part comes in. I am on the dark side of the moon. Light side, dark side, light side, dark side, light side, dark side. My head is swimming. Break the force field. Get on other side of river to Ohio. The roads are multilane and very well maintained but are still in the middle of nowhere. This is nice but there are no Visitor's Centers and I have no idea where to go. Stop at Rest Stop. It is very small. No Visitor's Center. No brochures. Enjoying the daylight and decide to find a B&B so I can work outside perhaps on a cafe table in a beautiful garden. Decide that a good destination would be Chilicothe or something. I still can't pronounce it. Check b&bonline and tripadvisor. Good B&Bs! Who woulda thunk it. Call what appears to be a very nice place, the Atwood House. Completely full because it is the Pumpkin Festival in Circleville. Pumpkin Festival! It is really called the Pumpkin Show. Try other two recommended B&B's but they don't answer the phone so they probably don't have room either plus I can't ask for a return call because I am driving. Check for hotels in Circleville just in case. Holiday Inn Express! Quick make reservation as I forgot it is Saturday night and I usually call ahead on the weekends. Drive to Circleville.
Check into HIE and find orange schedule of events. I have missed everything. The hog calling for 17 and over was 15 minutes ago. If I had skipped the useless rest stop I coulda gone to the hog calling. Checked website. I also missed the little girl pageants. But they weren't high glitz which was a relief because the girls were very wholesome as would be the case in Ohio. but a disappointment nonetheless. Also missed the big girl pageant. This is the little girl winners and this is the big girl winners. Nice desk girls say that no I have not missed everything that it goes on all night especially tonight because it is Saturday and the last day of the Show. I should not try to drive there because there is no parking. I should call a cab and have them take me there. It is only $8 and the girl writes down the number on a sticky note. Check in really, really, really fast and plug in jump pack. Immediately call cab. Will be there in 10-15 minutes. I will wait in lobby.Peruse Pumpkin Show schedule. This is what else I missed:
- Pet Training Dem
- Circleville High School Cheerleaders
- Gourd Painting
- Knitting
- Wreath Making
- Egg Toss Competition
- Big Wheel Race
- Irish Dancing
- Rug Hooking
- Crocheting With Beads
- Teays River Cloggers
- Pumpkin Pie Eating Contest
- Chair Caning
Notice red SUV in porte cochere (can you say that about a Holiday Inn Express). It is my taxi. I get in the front with a really nice girl named Crystal (or Krystal or Cristal or whatever). She is very glad I got her number because they are new and there will be a lot of opportunity working the Pumpkin Show. Crystal lets me off and will pick me up right here no matter how late it is. Give her $10 and keep the change.
This post will now be divided into a bunch of other posts because there are a lot of pictures.
I am in Bridgeton West Virginia. Me neither. I missed my exit by 80 miles. Not as bad as the Kentucky one for 150 miles but still. And I was really tired and Woody had been putting in a valiant effort but by 9 p.m. enough was enough. Left St. something which is near Winchester this morning, setting off to find the restoration guy in White Post. All I know is that it is down the road about 8 or nine miles. Hope I have right road. Passed Iron Gate. In West Virginia there are a lot of towns that are named after a landmark. I like that. It is something we would do at home. Pass sign Reefers Repaired. Now having been in the trucking business I know that a reefer is a refrigerated truck but it still cracked me up. This is Dinosaur Land. They have concrete models of dinosaurs and it is educational. I guess Jaws is old and educational.
Keep on driving with fewer and fewer homes or anything. Miracle upon miracles, sign to White Post. Missed it so turn around into development where the sign is. Note that sign is just there, it is pointing to town ahead. Turn around again and go through very, very small road. And wait! There is the white post! There is a white post in White Post! I have no idea which way to go from the white post. Feel like Alice in Wonderland. Try several directions. Really cool stuff. Old wooden garages for fixing farm equipment. Teeny, tiny post office, also old white wood with a green roof. Railroad tracks where they have a yellow road sign with a truck with lightning bolts coming out the bottom. I guess the tracks are live and high enough up that you can scrape your bottom. I do not. Cool old train station. I really wish I had taken pictures of everything. I'd love to have taken a walk all over the place. Anyhow, tried several directions from the white post with no success. Go to Post Office.
This is Johnny. There are a lot of J names that end in Y here in West Virginia. Johnny is one of the last gentlemen left plus he has a really cool shirt. Johnny holds my hand and earnestly asks me to dinner. He also knows how to find the old car guy. Head down the road and find this.It is very incongruous to the area as everything else is packed tight with hardly any driveways. The road is marked Old Car Drive. There is no sign on the garage itself. This is good because if a place has really expensive cars it doesn't advertise that. Maybe this is a good spot.
This is the side where I am to be Welcomed At The Office. No one around. Let myself into the garage. And what a place. Twenty or twenty five cars being meticulously restored on a shiny red painted concrete floor. All the parts are organized in labeled brown paper bags. I like White Post Restorations or whatever. Holler around. No one there. Keep taking tour and searching for life. Finally find some. It is Jimmy. Told you about the JY names. I introduce myself and put out my hand. He is wearing a blue latex (or whatever, I forgot what they're made of) that is full of grease and sorta looks down at it. I tell him I have been around garages all my life and shake it anyhow. He later told someone that he knew I was okay after I shook his greasy glove.
The greasy glove guy is standing in front of a machine shop. I know what a machine shop is. They make metal parts. Turns out that a major line of business for White Post is brakes. They machine them with a 24 hour turnaround. Ever hear of anyone turning a custom metal part around in 24 hours? Me neither. Run into other guys. Get to meet Willy Ray Thompson IV. This is Willy Ray. His great-grandfather started the garage to repair farm machinery and then came the Model T's and the rest was history. Willy Ray's father runs the joint. He is very busy but finds time to copy a Rolodex card for me for a guy that has woodie parts. They all really like Woody and want to take pictures. I later find out that they have restored the Rolls that won Pebble Beach a few years ago. This is the car. You have no idea how impressive this is. They did it in three month with all staff on deck. This is more than impossible. I am very, very, very impressed. There is a Corvette getting a little cosmetic work but it really needs mechanical work too. The economy is resulting in a lot of "partials." There is also a red BMW from the '80's that a lady with a big horse farm wrecked. It was her friend's car. To make up for it, she is having the whole thing restored. Now I know car restorations, and this will at least double the price of the car but car people do that kind of thing. Lincoln Continentals, oners, Hudsons. They do mechanical work, canvas, leather, paint, and who knows what else at the White Post. I'm guessing they have about 20 guys which is really a lot in this business. Willy Ray does the paint and boy does he know paint. Not a ripple anywhere. The fins from a pink limo have been chromed and he has to paint the trim right over the chrome. It is painstaking. Speaking of limos, there are five from the fifties. One is pink and one is light green. They have come from Kuwait. I don't think Willy Ray is allowed to tell me that. Two of them were family cars. Since Kuwait didn't have an enormous amount of money back then, they must belong to royalty or sheiks or whatever the ruling guys are called in Kuwait. White Horse advertises in Hemmings. I got my very old very beat up BMW from an ad in Hemmings. I wish I could have taken pictures of the cars but I am smart enough not to ask. Anyhow, Willy Ray shows me the picture of a woodie they restored, frame up. It is gorgeous and wins lots of national awards. Woody will never win national awards because he is All Go, No Show. There are lots of barns for other operations and I am delighted to get to see them. In the ladies' room there is a car of the White Post in 1927. There at least 40 Model A's and Model T's in the yard. The White Post is very cool and I hate to drag myself away. Willie Ray tells me the hidden Pentagon is right up the mountain there. Cool. Note to federal government: please don't erase this entry. I have a copy. Plus a brain. And I know it was you with the Area 52 entry from February.
Meaning to get myself to New Martinsville for dinner, take out map. Front Royal is near here. I have heard of Front Royal and it is supposed to have lots of Conferate stuff and antique stores. Take detour to Front Royal. It is as billed as well a Canoe Capitol of West Virgina (or Virginia, I forgot where I am). Passed Green Valley and the Apple Valley Beagle Club. There are a lot of valleys here. There are also a lot of lots for sale. Half of West Virginia is lots for sale. It is also a crappy day, overcast and cold, and I don't really want to walk around. Go to Visitor's Center to ask what to see. Shrug. There are lots of vineyards around here. I do not want to go to a vineyard. Get walking tour brochure. Did not take walking tour. In fact, did not even drive down historic streets. Find Element for lunch. I have no idea where I heard about it but I wanted to go. Got lost. Got unlost. Had a most outstanding lunch of pumpkin-sqash soup and half a J's Favorite. This is it. The soup has little chunks of potatoes in it which I don't usually l ike but these are really good potatoes. The bread is made here and is sublime which just the perfect crunch in the crust. Not enough to flake onto your shirt but enough that it is not the least bit flaccid. Maybe from one of the vineyards. The inside is curried chicken salad with a really thin slice of ham which is superflulous but a nice touch in that we are in West Virginia and they have hams. I understand that there is a "fine dining" restaurant upstairs. It is Apartment 2g which is really apartment 2-g. Wish it were dinner time and I wasn't wearing hiking shoes.
On to Clarsksburg. I had planned to take Route 50 straight out from Winchester as my ex-husband the Navy SEAL suggested. Because of my Front Royal detour, figured I would take 55 to 33 instead. Cutting to the chase, I eventually went on 50 because I couldn't find 33 and I was in the same general area in West Virginia into which I was sucked in February. I am usually brave but...
This is a gas station about 15 miles from Front Royal. It will be the last one I see for at least 80 miles. The reason I took this picture is there is great smoked meat of some kind as well as jellies and such, but the little sign by the truck is in Korean. I have not seen any Asians of any variety in all of West Virginia. Go figure.
And now the fun begins. I have no pictures and I am really bummed that I didn't take any but I was cold and tired and the damn Lasik means that I can barely see. Turns out that Routes 55 and 50 or whatever are not a straight shot. It is a 250 mile drive that goes up and down 9% grades every ten miles. The fall foliage is a plus, though. Pass Honeymooners Gun Shop. We all know what that means. Very touching. After a whole lot of time find a gas station. It has the old-style pumps that were around when we were kids. They are rectangular and have the handles on the side that you flip down. There was not self service in those days. Went in to find rest room and ask if I pay before or after I pump. The rest rooms are out of order which is a real problem and you pay after you pump. I spent $18.50 in the certainty that I would not run out of gas but with a little less than a full tank so I can find a bathroom within the next hour. It is excruciating. Decide to try GPS knowing that it will probably quit in about 15 mintues. True. Tried cigarette lighter on jump pack. Works! I now have GPS to find no towns between here and whereever I am going. Swear there are stills here. Now that I've been to two bourbon makers and Jack Daniels I know what likker smells like when it's cooking. More twisty 9% grade roads. Both Woody and I am exhausted. Pass Saw Store. It is very big. I am having deja vue. I am going to hell.
Cross Cheat River. I have been kayaking there and it is very rapidy and hard. It is pretty although I also seem to remember this is the Deliverance location. More twisty roads. Gas station with more old pumps and a faded Texaco sign. Guys with heavy canvas pants with reflective stripes around the legs. Firemen? Cute. Go inside and pray for restroom. Very nice lady points to the back and said it's not too clean though. It is old but it is spotless. And it is there and I can use it which is the important part. There is also an old enamel stove in the store acting as a resting place for miscellaneous stuff for sale. Bet they don't know that if the stove were for sale they could probably get a whole mess of restrooms. Pass sorta tiny cute brick town that looks like it could have been a train stop but is now abandoned in a good way. Very neat which is a big change from the shanties, stills and mobile homes around it. One of the buildings is Smith's Funeral Home and it still has the HOTEL sign in fading white paint on its side. Guess it's the last resting place. Sorry.
Cross Cheat River. I have been kayaking there and it is very rapidy and hard. It is pretty although I also seem to remember this is the Deliverance location. More twisty roads. Gas station with more old pumps and a faded Texaco sign. Guys with heavy canvas pants with reflective stripes around the legs. Firemen? Cute. Go inside and pray for restroom. Very nice lady points to the back and said it's not too clean though. It is old but it is spotless. And it is there and I can use it which is the important part. There is also an old enamel stove in the store acting as a resting place for miscellaneous stuff for sale. Bet they don't know that if the stove were for sale they could probably get a whole mess of restrooms. Pass sorta tiny cute brick town that looks like it could have been a train stop but is now abandoned in a good way. Very neat which is a big change from the shanties, stills and mobile homes around it. One of the buildings is Smith's Funeral Home and it still has the HOTEL sign in fading white paint on its side. Guess it's the last resting place. Sorry.
Seem to be gettig closer to actual town on GPS. Homes now have white tire planters and wishing wells. Goaround bend. Dairy Queen with the red sign but also the old eskimo girl with a fur-timmed hood. Land in actual town. Drive through actual town. Heading toward Clarksburg. Get to Ritzy Lunch which is really where I was trying to go. Closed. I have gone all this way an the damn place is closed. Lots of people in parking lot across the street. Mostly teenagers. Friday night scuffles? Group migrates toward street. Park. Turns out that this is a homecoming parade for a small Catholic high school. Emma is a princess. I know this because some boys have signs up. This is the Emma signs. Talk to Emma's dad. He said it was a good thing that Rizty's is closed because you come out of there smelling like Ritzy's. Mom says to go to T&L if I want a hot dog and get it with medium chili and french fries because they leave the outsides on and make sure to get ranch they make it right there. She then draws me a map on the back of her church group's handout. Complement grandma on Emma's beauty. Follow parade to get to T&L. This is very hard for Woody but fun nonetheless. They all peel off to lighted football field and I am tempted but somewhat tired so I go to T&L.
T&L is not exactly the easiest place for an outsider to find. Go by feel from the church bullitin map. There is no Wendy's to turn at. There is no Mack-Donald's. There is a Burger King. Back and forth until find Rosebud Plaza. T&L is there. This is T&L. It is one of those fifties-style places but it does have pictures of lots of local cruises so I like it anyhow. You place your order at the counter and they bring it to you. While I'm eating, they are vacuuming. I am sorry to close you down. It's okay, we're open until 9. This is a T&L hotdog with medium chili and fries with ranch. Dog pretty good but look at how tiny it is. Like the ones you got in the supermarket for your Uncle Peter's backyard cookout on Memorial Day. The fries were outstanding. Crisp which is usually not the case for the kind with the outsides still on. The ranch is good but I go out feeling like I have downed an entire bottle of Wesson oil.
Hit the road. Go back down toward Parkersville which is sort of a bummer because I was there before sorta. Pass place called Jane Dew. Jane Dew must be a very large lady. Have visions of liliputions staking Gulliver down. Pass place with weird trash things. Like the cubic ones that have the cut off corners and have a really big truck to come get them except they are about two stories high and about the same width. Pass Plantation Inn which looks like a very nice motel. It has about 8 identical white pickups in the lot. After about 20 minutes down the road get to Holiday Inn Express. No room at the Inn. This has never, ever happened to me. They sell out six days a week. There is a bus there. They sell out because of all the business nearby. As it is dark I do not see the business but I take their word for it. Frustrated and almost in tears call Holiday Inn Express reservations line. Very patient guy walks me through it. Have to get out and hunch over bench with my map because there is no light in Woody. And then the realization. I do not want to go to Parkersburg. It is the wrong way. Go back to Clarksburg to Holiday Inn Express that I didn't know was there in the first place. Very nice but the curtains don't close and I am beneath the big light in the parking lot. There is a workorder out to fix the curtains already. Why they put me there I will never know. Switch rooms. Freezing cold. Try to upload pix but someone is hogging the internet probably streaming a movie or something. Leave process going all night. However, this HIE has tea and lids and the coffee maker is not in the bathroom but the lids still don't have any covering on them. It's a hygeine thing. This is the beverage stattion. The fridge does not make noise and I do not have to unplug it. This is the tea. I don't know why they put those shower curtains that have a kinda bow in them so you don't feel claustrophobic but then the entire volume of your shower ends up on the floor. Nice idea though. Note to self: avoid Parkersburg WV at all costs. Could be another Elizabethtown KY.
On the road again. This time to Angola Prison for the rodeo. Decided that even though I have nearly 200 posts that I have not actually posted, will begin posting here and then go backward so if you really want to know what I've been up to for the last three months you'll have to go back and look. And go back and look and so on because I will post them as I can on the dates they're supposed to be posted on.
So. Third road trip in 10 months. Brad is not coming with me. Supposed to hit the road yesterday but Ron The Hun destroyed me so much that I needed to take a nap and then finally got around to the bills which were 75% duplicates because I didn't pay them last month so there goes my credit again. I can remember how many miles the earth is from the moon (well not really but I can look it up) but I can't remember to pay the bloody bills on time. You know what I mean. Yes, you do that too. Unless you have autopay which I mostly do but the doctors' bills and so on.... Anyhow, threw all the newspaper clippings on the dining room table into a bag and tossed it in Woody. Note to self: figure out why I clipped them. On such a roll that after The Middle kept on going and couldn't sleep. Needlepoint belt with flying pigs making progress though. I am now sleeping with a nightlight which I haven't ever done before. I was leaving the lamp on because I am sort of afraid to go to sleep. I did this when I was married too and my husband would pick the book off my face and turn off the light for me after I hit sleepyland. Didn't want to wake up either. Decided to blow off trip for another day. Cleaned more, read papers and decided I wanted to go anyhow. Cleaning lady who is Chatty Cathy decided to chat to me. I asked her to stop. I am going insane and as I am also getting old I cannot remember what to pack if anyone talks to me. I am cranky.
Get list out. Jump pack. Shit. Last night couldn't find any power supplies for any of the five jump packs I have and the reason I have five is that I keep on buying them because it is easier than finding the power supplies. Put overalls in wash as I will not be gardening for awhile. It is a good thing that my washer has Canyon Capacity and a Heavy Duty cycle. Not to diverge too much but my kid likes his washer at school because it has three buttons: White, Colors, Dark. Asks me why I have so many. Women like it that way, I say. It's a control thing. Like men with power tools. Crank up Woody. He starts! Back out into driveway for loading. Trying to pack light but that is hard when your cleaning lady won't shut up. Remember both warm and rain boots and whole pile of various jackets and coats. Also Fodor's Essential South and Roadfood. And some maps. Forgot GPS in truck which is having its fan fixed and had to call ex-husband to pick it up. He gives me good luck thing. SEAL Team Six thing. If you have to ask you don't know. I'd have to kill you.
Finally hit road at about 2 o'clock. Stop at SaladWorks for last chain eats for trip (I hope). Also dropped of Hammacher Schlemmer Bug Vac which is supposed to suck up stink bugs and kill them with some kind of radioactivity or something. I really wanted it to work. This is the second one I had to send back. The power supply doesn't fit in the thing in the vacuum. I am having power supply issues. Really started driving at about ten to 3. Missed turn about 2 miles from home. Made guess on road I don't know. Pass Herr's Factory Tour! Never been there but all the kindergartners have. Note to self: take Lila Rae to potato chip factory store. Nine miles from home is the OCTORARA OTE. That's what it says on the vertical marquis. There is also the Miss Oxford Diner with neon letters that are kinda a cross between squiggly and italic. If I were really on a road trip I would stop at Miss Oxford. Note to self: see if anything else exists on this side of big road. Wouldn't really know. I only know my side of the big road which is the good side. There is also the Octorara Grill which has a similar diner vibe. Note to self: take road trip to Oxford.
Drive through familiar rolling hill and silo country even if I've never been here. Neat tobacco barns with those vertical shutters that are propped open to provide ventilation. Small chicken coop right on the road. Stop for gas and know I am in Cecil County because the guy had only one tooth. He said that if he retired it would be the thing to do, it being drive all over the place in a woodie. Hit I-95. I hate Interstates but there is no other way to get where I want to go. I hate Interstates because when it smells like rubber or the carburetor burning, you don't know if it's you or someone else. Also I can't ever figure out what lane to drive in. If I drive on the right, then I have all those merge people cutting in. If I drive in the middle people feel the need to pass me even if I am going the same speed. I really hate rest stops on the left side of the highway. When I come out I have to get a running start so I don't get trashed in the left lane.
Note Attractions on brown signs. Decoy Museum that I always pass and never stop at. Golf courses. Golf courses as attractions? Like I'm gonna drive down the interstate and say hey I think I'll play some golf. Also school that you send all the behaviorally challenged children to is a Historic Site. Keep on seeing signs for Baltimore for literally an hour. Baltimore is the Elizabethtown of Maryland but with a weaker force field. Escape. Stop to pee at several rest stops. All the Welcome Centers are closed so I can't get any clues as to where I might want to go. Do get peanut M&Ms though. Didn't bring any Tootsie Pops because I remember bringing a lot home after 40 days so didn't think I needed any. Note to self: Always bring Tootsie Pops. After going on I-whatever to I-whateverelse to I-whateverelse, began to feel like it is the beginning of the February road trip but without the snow. Check map. It is the beginning of the February road trip without the snow. Couldn't see it last time because of, well, the snow.
Smart ass 18-wheeler passes me in far left lane. I know he will get in right lane and do the same speed I am but whatever. Most rigs are very nice. All of a sudden there is this gigantic bang and the green semi has blown a tire. Right. Next. To. Me. I am stuck between the guy behind him who is veering into me because he doesn't want to be on top of blown tire guy and very nice white semi behind me who can't stop. White semi veers onto shoulder. We all sorta get our shit together and don't die. I can still hear the bang echoing inside the car. To top it off, asshole didn't stop. Or get off. Or anything. Finally a whole pile of semis kinda forced him off on the next exit. I bet they weren't very happy. Have you ever been next to a big rig when it blows a tire? I have. And lived. So there. This is not us. Thank god.
Return to cruising on I-whatever. See Holiday Inn Express in Hagerstown but it is too early. Hit Wild & Wonderful West Virginia. Stop at another rest stop. Welcome Center closed but those coupon book things in lobby. Find coupon for next Holiday Inn Express. $59 per night. Pass another Holiday Inn Express because it has the old green script sign and probably doesn't have Smart Coffee and Soft and Medium pillow. Look down exit. Has new H. Shoulda stopped. Note vision getting double as it is nightime. Note to self: adjust schedule to drive during day only.
Decide to find home cooking before getting to next Holiday Inn Express. Pull off at Groundstone (or something) Diner which was one of the more scary places I have ever been to. Checked map in parking lot and got the hell out of there. Can't figure out where all the trucks are going because they also got off at this really small exit and then disappeared. They did not stop at the diner which they say is a truck stop. Get back onto I-whatever and pass refinery/cement plant/grain silo/pharmaceutical factory/NASA launch pad. This is West Virginia. All I can remember about West Virginia is Huntington where my B&B was across the street from a refinery so I had to slip out in the dead of the night, and getting lost in Appalachia which we all know is pronounced Appa-latch-ee-uh thanks to Jim, Curator from Charleston. Hurry up to next exit. Realize I am running on fumes. Take left to Shell station. Woody stalls. This has not happened in a very long time. Shit. I have no gas. Well I guess I had enough gas to get to the gas station. Went inside to ask for dinner suggestion. PJ and Julian ask me about the wood on Woody. I forget to take their picture. Warming up on this road trip thing. PJ tells me there is a guy down the road in White Post that does very expensive woodie restoration. I will visit tomorrow. For dinner I can go to Mario's or the Buffet which is only okay. Mario's has good shrimp scampi. I hate shrimp (you never know what they've sucked off the bottom of the ocean) and I hate red-sauce Italian and I'm pretty sure that Mario's is one of those joints because its lighted sign is red.
Decide to check in to Holiday Inn Express. Show my Priority Club card and get free bottle of water. Use coupon for $59 room. It is usually $99 so that just goes to show you that you should always stop at Welcome Centers even if they are closed and just have stuff in the lobby. Ask the lovely Callie who will be on duty until 11 and then the night auditor will be on (auditor?) where to go for dinner. There is a family-owned Greek and Italian restaurant just down the road. Mario's. Go to Mario's. Mostly pizza and pasta but with very nice granite-topped tables and murals of the Mediterranean. Some Greek food. Decide on Lemon Chicken which is supposed to have capers in it. It does not. It does have three boneless chicken breasts and lemon potatoes all of which are insipid. Don't feel like eating much anyhow because of the Four Hour Body shit.
This is the lemon chicken. And this is the avgolemeno soup which I love but I don't love this because there is no rice and no lemon and chopped up industrial chicken breast. Shoulda had the scampi.
Go back to Holiday Inn Express. Asshole in SUV races me to parking space and pulls in through other side. Whatever. My room is on the second floor and is newly renovated. This means it has Smart Coffee. And this one has lids! I haven't seen lids before. But this coffee is in the bathroom and the lids aren't in little plastic things or anything even though the cups are. And you know what I think about coffee makers in the bathroom. Scrounge through Woody to find shirt and underwear to dump into tote so don't have to take suitcase in. It is dark and I have a hard time finding pj's and socks. Note to self: finally figure out how dome light goes on.
So. Third road trip in 10 months. Brad is not coming with me. Supposed to hit the road yesterday but Ron The Hun destroyed me so much that I needed to take a nap and then finally got around to the bills which were 75% duplicates because I didn't pay them last month so there goes my credit again. I can remember how many miles the earth is from the moon (well not really but I can look it up) but I can't remember to pay the bloody bills on time. You know what I mean. Yes, you do that too. Unless you have autopay which I mostly do but the doctors' bills and so on.... Anyhow, threw all the newspaper clippings on the dining room table into a bag and tossed it in Woody. Note to self: figure out why I clipped them. On such a roll that after The Middle kept on going and couldn't sleep. Needlepoint belt with flying pigs making progress though. I am now sleeping with a nightlight which I haven't ever done before. I was leaving the lamp on because I am sort of afraid to go to sleep. I did this when I was married too and my husband would pick the book off my face and turn off the light for me after I hit sleepyland. Didn't want to wake up either. Decided to blow off trip for another day. Cleaned more, read papers and decided I wanted to go anyhow. Cleaning lady who is Chatty Cathy decided to chat to me. I asked her to stop. I am going insane and as I am also getting old I cannot remember what to pack if anyone talks to me. I am cranky.
Get list out. Jump pack. Shit. Last night couldn't find any power supplies for any of the five jump packs I have and the reason I have five is that I keep on buying them because it is easier than finding the power supplies. Put overalls in wash as I will not be gardening for awhile. It is a good thing that my washer has Canyon Capacity and a Heavy Duty cycle. Not to diverge too much but my kid likes his washer at school because it has three buttons: White, Colors, Dark. Asks me why I have so many. Women like it that way, I say. It's a control thing. Like men with power tools. Crank up Woody. He starts! Back out into driveway for loading. Trying to pack light but that is hard when your cleaning lady won't shut up. Remember both warm and rain boots and whole pile of various jackets and coats. Also Fodor's Essential South and Roadfood. And some maps. Forgot GPS in truck which is having its fan fixed and had to call ex-husband to pick it up. He gives me good luck thing. SEAL Team Six thing. If you have to ask you don't know. I'd have to kill you.
Finally hit road at about 2 o'clock. Stop at SaladWorks for last chain eats for trip (I hope). Also dropped of Hammacher Schlemmer Bug Vac which is supposed to suck up stink bugs and kill them with some kind of radioactivity or something. I really wanted it to work. This is the second one I had to send back. The power supply doesn't fit in the thing in the vacuum. I am having power supply issues. Really started driving at about ten to 3. Missed turn about 2 miles from home. Made guess on road I don't know. Pass Herr's Factory Tour! Never been there but all the kindergartners have. Note to self: take Lila Rae to potato chip factory store. Nine miles from home is the OCTORARA OTE. That's what it says on the vertical marquis. There is also the Miss Oxford Diner with neon letters that are kinda a cross between squiggly and italic. If I were really on a road trip I would stop at Miss Oxford. Note to self: see if anything else exists on this side of big road. Wouldn't really know. I only know my side of the big road which is the good side. There is also the Octorara Grill which has a similar diner vibe. Note to self: take road trip to Oxford.
Drive through familiar rolling hill and silo country even if I've never been here. Neat tobacco barns with those vertical shutters that are propped open to provide ventilation. Small chicken coop right on the road. Stop for gas and know I am in Cecil County because the guy had only one tooth. He said that if he retired it would be the thing to do, it being drive all over the place in a woodie. Hit I-95. I hate Interstates but there is no other way to get where I want to go. I hate Interstates because when it smells like rubber or the carburetor burning, you don't know if it's you or someone else. Also I can't ever figure out what lane to drive in. If I drive on the right, then I have all those merge people cutting in. If I drive in the middle people feel the need to pass me even if I am going the same speed. I really hate rest stops on the left side of the highway. When I come out I have to get a running start so I don't get trashed in the left lane.
Note Attractions on brown signs. Decoy Museum that I always pass and never stop at. Golf courses. Golf courses as attractions? Like I'm gonna drive down the interstate and say hey I think I'll play some golf. Also school that you send all the behaviorally challenged children to is a Historic Site. Keep on seeing signs for Baltimore for literally an hour. Baltimore is the Elizabethtown of Maryland but with a weaker force field. Escape. Stop to pee at several rest stops. All the Welcome Centers are closed so I can't get any clues as to where I might want to go. Do get peanut M&Ms though. Didn't bring any Tootsie Pops because I remember bringing a lot home after 40 days so didn't think I needed any. Note to self: Always bring Tootsie Pops. After going on I-whatever to I-whateverelse to I-whateverelse, began to feel like it is the beginning of the February road trip but without the snow. Check map. It is the beginning of the February road trip without the snow. Couldn't see it last time because of, well, the snow.
Smart ass 18-wheeler passes me in far left lane. I know he will get in right lane and do the same speed I am but whatever. Most rigs are very nice. All of a sudden there is this gigantic bang and the green semi has blown a tire. Right. Next. To. Me. I am stuck between the guy behind him who is veering into me because he doesn't want to be on top of blown tire guy and very nice white semi behind me who can't stop. White semi veers onto shoulder. We all sorta get our shit together and don't die. I can still hear the bang echoing inside the car. To top it off, asshole didn't stop. Or get off. Or anything. Finally a whole pile of semis kinda forced him off on the next exit. I bet they weren't very happy. Have you ever been next to a big rig when it blows a tire? I have. And lived. So there. This is not us. Thank god.Return to cruising on I-whatever. See Holiday Inn Express in Hagerstown but it is too early. Hit Wild & Wonderful West Virginia. Stop at another rest stop. Welcome Center closed but those coupon book things in lobby. Find coupon for next Holiday Inn Express. $59 per night. Pass another Holiday Inn Express because it has the old green script sign and probably doesn't have Smart Coffee and Soft and Medium pillow. Look down exit. Has new H. Shoulda stopped. Note vision getting double as it is nightime. Note to self: adjust schedule to drive during day only.
Decide to find home cooking before getting to next Holiday Inn Express. Pull off at Groundstone (or something) Diner which was one of the more scary places I have ever been to. Checked map in parking lot and got the hell out of there. Can't figure out where all the trucks are going because they also got off at this really small exit and then disappeared. They did not stop at the diner which they say is a truck stop. Get back onto I-whatever and pass refinery/cement plant/grain silo/pharmaceutical factory/NASA launch pad. This is West Virginia. All I can remember about West Virginia is Huntington where my B&B was across the street from a refinery so I had to slip out in the dead of the night, and getting lost in Appalachia which we all know is pronounced Appa-latch-ee-uh thanks to Jim, Curator from Charleston. Hurry up to next exit. Realize I am running on fumes. Take left to Shell station. Woody stalls. This has not happened in a very long time. Shit. I have no gas. Well I guess I had enough gas to get to the gas station. Went inside to ask for dinner suggestion. PJ and Julian ask me about the wood on Woody. I forget to take their picture. Warming up on this road trip thing. PJ tells me there is a guy down the road in White Post that does very expensive woodie restoration. I will visit tomorrow. For dinner I can go to Mario's or the Buffet which is only okay. Mario's has good shrimp scampi. I hate shrimp (you never know what they've sucked off the bottom of the ocean) and I hate red-sauce Italian and I'm pretty sure that Mario's is one of those joints because its lighted sign is red.
Decide to check in to Holiday Inn Express. Show my Priority Club card and get free bottle of water. Use coupon for $59 room. It is usually $99 so that just goes to show you that you should always stop at Welcome Centers even if they are closed and just have stuff in the lobby. Ask the lovely Callie who will be on duty until 11 and then the night auditor will be on (auditor?) where to go for dinner. There is a family-owned Greek and Italian restaurant just down the road. Mario's. Go to Mario's. Mostly pizza and pasta but with very nice granite-topped tables and murals of the Mediterranean. Some Greek food. Decide on Lemon Chicken which is supposed to have capers in it. It does not. It does have three boneless chicken breasts and lemon potatoes all of which are insipid. Don't feel like eating much anyhow because of the Four Hour Body shit.
This is the lemon chicken. And this is the avgolemeno soup which I love but I don't love this because there is no rice and no lemon and chopped up industrial chicken breast. Shoulda had the scampi.
Go back to Holiday Inn Express. Asshole in SUV races me to parking space and pulls in through other side. Whatever. My room is on the second floor and is newly renovated. This means it has Smart Coffee. And this one has lids! I haven't seen lids before. But this coffee is in the bathroom and the lids aren't in little plastic things or anything even though the cups are. And you know what I think about coffee makers in the bathroom. Scrounge through Woody to find shirt and underwear to dump into tote so don't have to take suitcase in. It is dark and I have a hard time finding pj's and socks. Note to self: finally figure out how dome light goes on.
It always seems that important news stuff comes in two areas not obviously related but very related if you think about it. This week we have Nobel Prizes and the death of Steve Jobs. It occurred to me that Steve Jobs is not a Nobel Laureate. In fact, he couldn't even qualify for one. This is the man who fundamentally changed the way we live and he's not as worthy as the guy who discovered quasicrystals and an explanation of what that guy actually did is buried by about 10 clicks on the website. I'm sure that in the future my disdain for quasicrystals will be proven wrong but for my money I'd have Steve Jobs as a winner. Here's the rub. Nobel Prizes are awarded for the following:- Physics
- Chemistry
- Medicine
- Literature
- Peace
Plus, a Prize (not a Nobel Prize) is given for Economic Science. I think this is the one that rewards white men for figuring out how to "redistribute" wealth on the basis of theories secretly passed around during cocktail hour. Anyhow, there is no Nobel Prize for changing the lives of, well, pretty much everybody. You know, you can post your greetings to the winners on the website. Hel-lo.
I don't get it. Why don't people get a flu shot? There is currently no shortage and there aren't any lines as far as I can tell in drugstores and supermarkets unless you try to get one at my CVS which is too busy and the pharmacist is working at the front and Ben isn't qualified so you (what should we say?) should make an appointment. Went to Giant and had shot while watching Eagles Touchdown Sundae melt because it is on the hot chicken and I just remembered on the checkout line that I wanted a shot. The pharmacist checked if Blue Cross would pay (which it wouldn't which I think is pretty short-sighted of them unless they are depending on the Giant's free antibiotics program) and since they wouldn't he gave me the $5 discount that I should have gotten and probably did and threw out before I read it.Back to the subject, I just don't understand why people don't get a flu shot. When you have the flu you will be begging me for a $25 cure. And you will get it. The flu that is. I'll throw you a can of chicken soup. Now, I have a particular problem with Ron the Hun. He is a trainer. In a gym. Where a gazillion people touch their germy faces and then the dumbbells. Ron the Hun is a sanitary kinda guy. He won't shower at the gym (the men's side doesn't have those great girls that mop the shower every time someone uses it). He wipes down the Abcore after my sweat is all over the black vinyl. In fact he disinfects everything I sweat on because he has good hygiene. This is not easy as I sweat like a pig. I was thinking what I could use as a better analogy. Sweat like a drug dealer on line with a narc? How does a pig sweat anyhow? I didn't think pigs sweat. Don't they roll around in the mud?
94 entries completed and not posted. I will get back to number 1, finish it, and finally post all the rest of those bad boys. And you thought I just forgot about you.
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