CFL? What the fuck?

7:02 PM | | Edit Post

I am in Canada. During football season. They have Canadian football here. The only thing I know about Canadian football is that you play it if you can't get into the NFL. Canadian football has a longer field, only three downs and some other stuff I don't remember. The Eagles once had a kicker from the Canadian football league. He was good. Still NEED to watch my Eagles.

You ever try to watch the NFL on your iPad? Don't. You will pay AT&T a fortune just with all the googling you have to do. Also, it is illegal. There was a good way to do it through a site called frontrowseats. You have to download some kind of browser-video-converter-or-something app to do this. Followed directions from random blogger. Feel very sneaky. I don't even illegally download music. This is what frontrowseats looks like now. Hope they don't track browsing.




Here is your option: subscribe to NFL Sunday Ticket. You have to subscribe to DirecTV. I once had DirecTV and they put screws into my cedar shake roof. When we got finally got Fios out here in the country, called DirecTV to uninstall. They left the dish on the roof. Oh no you don't. Took dish. Left screws and holes in roof. Fixed it 6 years later. Now wait. Maybe it was Dish. Don't remember. Anyhow, I want to get NFL Sunday Ticket even though it costs $250. You have to swear that you don't subscribe to DirecTV, cannot get a signal for DirecTV as you do not have proper line of sight, and cannot get DirecTV in your neighborhood. I lie. Well maybe I don't like because I may have had Dish.

And for those of you that think there's a different way, don't get a new (or whatever they call it) iPad. Verizon doesn't work on it. You'da thunk that nearly a whole football season after the release they'd figure it out. Note to self: check to see if still have iPad 2. Another note to self: don't bother. Already paid $250 to DirecTV. Last note to self: don't ever EVER leave home during football season again.

Fairmont is Fairly, Well You Know, Fair

6:40 PM | | Edit Post
Going on a Rolls Royce Silver Ghost tour. I do not like tours. I do like Rolls Royce Silver Ghosts. In Quebec. Well, anywhere really. Staying in a hotel I cannot afford. Le Chateau Frontenac. It is not the Repotel which if you think about it sorta looks like Repo-tel. Mortgage gone bad? I do love that the rooms at the (excuse me, Le) Chateaux Frontenac are teeny because most people bitch about it and I do not. Also, they are on very long halls that remind me of The Shining. Bet it is really creepy here in the winter. 

They get 10 to 12 feet of snow in Quebec and it is sometimes 40 below Centigrade. That is also 40 below Fahrenheit, the only time that happens. The number of degrees below zero is the percent the local fast food is discounted on that day. I know that because Francois told me so. This is Francois. I know you can't see him in this photo. Neither can I. Live with it. More on Francois later.
This is the Fairmont Chateau Frontenac. I did not take this picture because I only take hotel pictures when they pertain to amenities or hygiene. The Silver Ghosts are not allowed to park in the courtyard. They must be in the garage where there is no light so you cannot see in your engine. You must pray that your engine is A-OK.
This is the view from my room. It would be very nice except there is construction outside (at the entrance to the garage where the Rolls Royces are) and the glass is dirty like in an old person's old condo. I hate dirty things. The little door on the air conditioner where you reach the dial to fix the temperature is really dirty inside. I hate that because you get dust in your air which is not ideal especially since you have dust in your Rolls Royce. Otherwise, this old place is clean, clean, clean. 

This is the wastebasket in the bathroom. It does not have a plastic bag which I usually swear by because the guy before you may have put something nasty in there. But this one is so clean you don't need a plastic bag. On the second day of my stay, there was a little white paper circle in the bottom of the thing. I must have put something nasty in there and they are protecting the next guy. Dental floss?
Back to Francois. Francois is a tour guide. He was a sports writer for the hockey team before it moved to Denver. Francois went to Leval (I think that's it. sp?) University for sports writing. He has now recycled himself (his words) as a tour guide and bus driver. He has been doing this for a long time. This is Francois leading a tour. One of the things I love about Francois is that he can trace his heritage in the Toilettes. Well kinda. Francois says that people from a certain area all have the same last name. This is like all New Yorkers being Jonses and all Texans being Smith. Quebec is 90 percent white, 90 percent Catholic and 90 percent French. That is why they have so little crime. Hey, Francois said it, not me. 

Anyhow, Francois can trace is family 8 generations back. Quebec was founded in 1608. Francois said that is important. He never said why. Anyhow, we can see  Francois' family memorialized in a plaque in the hall of the public Toilette. This is Francois' family plaque. They are Pares. I thought Paree was Paris, but what the heck. This is the Paree plaque in the Toilettes.


I hate cities. This is why. There is a cruise ship docked here. I do not go to places cruise ships go. This is the same place but with the black lines that outline where Montgomery's house was. There was a lot of fighting between the English and the French in Quebec. I guess the French won.
This is a fire walls on a roof. As I said, hey have a lot of fires in Quebec.

This is a very nice mural. You can see all four seasons in it.










This is a shop window. They have Stewart's root beer. My supermarket has Stewart's root beer. I guess they have Stewart's root beer for the cruise ship people.

 This is a shop sign. I love this shop sign, well you know.



This is a really cool invention. If you want to cross the street you put your hand under it and it tells the walkee thing light with the number of seconds you have to run across the street on. You don't have to push a button. Very hygienic.

This is the stairs from this part of Quebec. it's old but it's not because it was all rebuilt after a fire forty years ago. Not sure if the fire was forty years ago but I guess it doesn't really matter because they have so many fires here. The stairs go to the (I mean Le) Chateaux Frontenac. There are at least 500 and they are called the spine breakers because that's what happens if you fall. As you know, I have a tendency to fall even on flat ground, but Ron-The-Hun is not going to be happy if I do not exercise. I take the stairs. I live.




Back in the room, peruse room service menu. The  prices range from 45 to 230. That's a lot of money for an assortment of fruits or a bowl of popcorn (you can have your own movies night right in your room!). Cannot figure it our. This is the room service menu. Turns out that I really need my glasses, because if you look really closely, the 5s are really $s. You can have vegan, macrobiotic, gluten-free, diabetic, cardiac or raw menus. Really. If you want a Japanese breakfast, you have to allow an hour and a half. Also true.



Wander into a meeting area by mistake. Skinny girls in black suits (and later black cocktail dresses) snap that I must be in the wrong place. Look up. This is a thing put on by Juvederm. You know, fillers. The stuff that the Real Housewives have. I do not look like a plastic surgeon. I do not belong here. Bitch. 

Enjoy Rose 51 lotion with flip-top cap. I think Rose 51 is a good brand here. Note to self: ask someone discretely if Rose 51 is a good brand. Do not ask skinny bitch. 

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