I have been reviewing this blog and have found a number of places where my writing just disappeared. Chief among them is the post with Government Administration and the mysterious airport in it. You know, Area 52. I now believe I am being censored. Well not really. But still. What happened to my Area 52? Sucked into Area 53? Note to self: rewrite entry and see if it disappears again. If so, run.
Pat my mail lady is getting big muscles delivering to me. Amidst the credit card offers and solicitations for save the somethings was a brochure for the Spring Carlisle Auction. That's as in auction of old cars, and Carlisle is not too far from me. Apt isn't it? CARlisle. Maybe they have it there on purpose so that you can remember it. I don't think this one is on TV. The auction is from April 28-30. Sounds like a road trip to me. This weekend is a break for Easter, but next week I'll be in Carlisle. I see that RM is now involved in the whole thing through something called Auctions America by RM. RM is a pretty good auction house for expensive cars. They call them Premiere or something. Anyhow, the Spring Carlisle Collector Car Swap Meet & Corral, as they call it, has a bunch of stuff to do. Apparently there will be 2,000 cars at the corral. My brochure certainly doesn't show that many so the corral must be different than the auction. Is it possible to even walk around 2,000 cars in one weekend? There are 8,100 "vending spaces" and we will marvel at one of the largest automotive swap meets in the world. They also have a cruise. As you know, I keep on trying to get in one of these but either the weather or Woody's performance suck. There will be live music and goody bags. Better get registered right away. There are lot of prizes, but Woody isn't a beauty pageant kind of girl. I do all that. There is a Hot Rodders of Tomorrow and, my favorite, Junk-In-The-Trunk. Hmm.... But look: "Hang Ten" at Spring Carlisile. This is Woody's kinda gig. Maybe they'll nominate best impersonation of the cover car. I went to search the cars for sale and found one of the choices is 1/2 Ford. Is that what happens when you get into an accident?

Well, I am already excited and Deadliest Catch hasn't even started yet. Oddly, the Kodiak IS on the intro and also the crab count but not in any footage. I wonder if the captain got tired of the camera crew or they did of him. Seabrooke continues to be a rockstar. Pullin' those pots and movin' 'em right up the spot where the crabs bunch up. Junior had to make his bait boys move faster. Captain Keith on the Wizard was having a fit as always. They caught nothing. He said the three traits he has that he doesn't like about himself are loud, pissed off, and aggressive. He worked his crew 50 hours with only a snack break. Think about it. If you got to work on a Monday morning, say at 9 a.m., it would be Thursday at 11 a.m. with only a KitKat from the vending machine. No wonder he's loud, pissed-off and aggressive. One of the crew said if someone told me I could get six hours of sleep right now if I slept right there in the cod bin, I'd wrap up with a cod and go to sleep right there. I think that was the 40-something greenhorn. Jake is learning to be a captain on the Northwestern but he knows that Sig will never give him the boat so he wants to get on top of any boat. It's been five years since he started. Jake's dad disappeared a few seasons ago (or was it last season) and he now takes care of his 4 sisters with 12 children among them. He looks much older than he did before. They put up a cross and some food for his dad because dad would never go into the woods with no food. Some greenhorn (I forgot which) on some boat (I also forgot that) learned to do the stacking. He was very slow but it was boot camp for him. I also learned about sand fleas. Did you know that these little bugs or whatever are tiny, tiny, tiny but when they eat they get about as big as a puffy nickel? Kinda like leaches. Problem is, they eat all the bait within one to 2 hours before the crabs even get a sniff of it. They leave the bones. Spooky. I think it was the Cornelia Marie that had the sand fleas, and they got off to a very bad start to begin with. The new guy on the Ramblin Rose took a tip from a fisherman buddy and found exactly zero crab. Not quite true. Found some crab in first career pot so he was pumped up at the beginning. Crumpled up map and threw it out the window. Note to self: never take fisherman buddy's tips. They're all liars anyhow, anyone could tell you that about fishermen. After the show, they showed and told that 10 million viewers watched the first episode of season 7, and this was even against Dancing With The Stars, The Results Show.

Much to my delight, Hogs Gone Wild started today. Doesn't that sound like bikers with spring breakers with no tops on? As they don't have any boats here are sort of teams so you can keep track of who's what: Road Hogs, The Mavericks, The Family Business, L-3 Outdoors , the Wild Hogs, All-Star Animal Removal, and The Rookies. I think some of these are different names for the same people. The latter are greenhorns in Bering Sea parlance. One of the Mavericks is a girl named Krystal. She's really pretty and wears pink socks. They don't have any girls on Deadliest Catch. Andrew is called the pig whisperer. I'm not sure how that works because he has caught over 1000 pigs. Hogs are bad because they wreck the forests even by houses. A guy on a motorcycle t-boned a sow and piglets and broke his spine. You ever hit a deer? Probably not because you wouldn't live to tell about it. We have lots of deer swipes here. Lots of cars get mangled and windshield glass goes everywhere. Anyhow, one of the hunters loves wildlife. I bet he loves it in his oven. There is a cemetery that is being rooted up because they are looking for the buried acorns. Hogs are 200-300 pounds. The idiot Australian biologist climbs into a cave that smells like hogs. Well, there are hogs. They put them in those plastic things that you pull the end through and it won't come back out like the police use on perps. Pigs eat dogs. Dogs are sent out to find pigs. Now is that fair? You can find pigs with a thermal device. Brush piles suck. Hogs eat 7 pounds of oranges a day. You should use dogs to keep the hogs from coming back. You "put hogs down" because there is no relocation allowed in Florida. It's a good thing that I live in the country because we relocate our coons, groundhogs and squirrels on our neighbors properties until they find their way back or the neighbor relocates them to our place. Hogs scare girlfriends. Brush piles suck. Dogs wrestle  pigs by the ears. Or more than wrestle. You should not feel bad for these feral hogs. In Florida, the dogs ride in ATVs with armor on them. Hogs are mostly nocturnal and you should stay up all night until you get them. Hogs Gone Wild has a This Is Spinal Tap vibe. I want to laugh. Feel bad. Nah. I laugh. And that's all you need to know about the piggie show. I will watch reruns of Toddlers and Tiaras instead from now on.
Here comes the sun! Time to hit Pork in the Park. Asked for distance to Cambridge. About 25 minutes. Easy drive to Cambridge. Cute marina and antique-y town. Passed Visitor Center because I thought I'd be running a little late. I'll hit it on the way back. Well maybe not. It's Sunday. Pass huge sign in front of building:
Coors
Easy Stop

If I weren't driving Woody, I'd have an easy stop. Read directions on website before leaving. Easy. Well, not so. Home page said "Follow Your Nose." Now I am a BBQ freak, and I wasn't smelling anything. Drove up and down and around in circles. Odd little town in that there's this kind of upscale tourist area ringed by black poverty. I have seen this before. Asked for directions to park. You know, where the BBQ is. The REALLY BIG BBQ thing. What park? I have no idea because I figured there would be big signs. Sent to marina. No park. Directions showed right veer just at the beginning of town and there it would be. Nothing. Maybe it is the next right veer. No luck. Kept on going in circles. Really need Easy Stop. Decide to head back out big road. What the hell. Not finding it anyhow. Sign: End Speed Awareness Zone. I guess we are only to be aware of our speed before that sign. Maybe I read the directions backwards and the veer right is from the other direction. Head out of town. Pass Holiday Inn Express. Note location for future reference if I get too frustrated to keep seeking the BBQ thing. Keep driving. Nothing. Pass truck Historyland Nurseries. Is that like Adventure Land at Disney World? Maybe Williamsburg or Montpelier? A Child Not A Choice sticker on truck but telltale bow tie shape with no decal probably means an old Herr's truck. Herr's is our local potato chip maker. Bet you didn't know we make potato chips here. Too bad they're not called Krispy Krisps or something with a K. Pass billboard with one of those talking fish on a plaque oddly shilling for McDonald's. Pass Pop-pop's Peaches with huge red flags flying. Around here if the flags are up there is produce, presumably peaches, there. Empty shelves. Keep driving. Billboard with "Splashing Exit" motif. Kid in pool. It was not a Holiday Inn Express. Sign for Largest Country Store in the East. Middle of nowhere. Chicken Man smoke house. Has window to get chicken from like Hot Chicken place in Nashville. If I can't find the BBQ, I'll go back and eat at the chicken man. In fact, I may make another trip just to eat at Chicken Man. Keep driving. Pork in the Park billboard! No mention of which direction but presumably it is in this one as it definitely isn't in that one. Keep driving. Realize that Pork in the Park is not in Cambridge at all but in Salisbury which is why I thought it would take a few hours to get there. Kept driving with newly discovered confidence. Actual signs for Pork in the Park and a line of traffic. I am there. Hogs and hogs.


Guy with cones and flags lets me park in handicap area. Life is good. With enormous anticipation, pay my $2 and immediately see these signs. In case you can't see the other one, it says BEER.


I know that I must eat stuff made by winners. Famous Dave's is not one of these. Famous Dave's is a chain. It is like Cracker Barrel at a state fair pineapple upside down cake contest. Immediately inside the gate and to the left is Skin and Bones. Skin and Bones has won an awful lot of contests. It has pirate flags above its Q. Each of those little ovals names some contest that they won. It also says for what. Now the Skin and Bones line is very long which is a good sign. I met Laura Mitchell in line. She is to be sworn in as a Councilwoman tomorrow. She gave me her card.


I took the opportunity to scan the menu and see what Laura is having. She introduced me to the local DJ who is MCing the kids cornholing (!). As you may remember in my research on Union City TN, I am not quite sure what cornholing is. DJ tells me that it is like throwing beanbags but instead of beans they are filled with corn. I then met Elaine's husband and very beautiful grandson. You always have to inquire about their son because it would be really embarrassing to ask about the grandson and it actually is their son. I have personal experience in this area as my ex-husband is 20 years older than I am. Notice on the flag that the winning stuff is by category, like brisket, beans, sauce and so on. Wonder what this place is good for. Appears to be pretty much everything. On lower right corner of menu is Tennessee Taco which has pulled pork, BBQ beans and coleslaw on a tortilla. Throughout the day, I will find more ways that BBQ is served like it ends up in your stomach. 



Laura orders 4 meat dinner. I figured I would try 4 meats too even though I have no idea what meats that would be. It is a humongous piece of chicken, three ribs, brisket, pulled pork, beans and coleslaw. Weighs about 2 pounds. 4 meats are served what they call "dry." It has no sauce on it. Here is the sauce station. Forgot to buy drink. Notice that Skin and Bones, and all the other BBQ winners, don't sell drinks. You have to go to the lemonade stand or beer or wine place for that. Kinda hard while carrying 2 pounds of 4 meats. Here are some of the many trophies and accolades that Skin and Bones has won. They are from Florida.



This is Lisa. She and her husband cook the BBQ but for the public feed, she hires local staff. The dry erase board behind here is where she keeps tracks of the orders. Lisa is very organized which I expect you have to be when cooking stuff on stuff that has to be ignited 18 hours before. Lisa must drink a lot of Red Bull.

Here are 4 meats and some award-winning sauce. You can get hot or sweet. I love the fact that they don't call it mild because then you feel like a weenie eating it. 


There is a big tent with long communal tables that you sit at to eat your 4 meats. I sat across from Maria and Jeremy. I don't have their picture because my fingers were full of BBQ sauce. I couldn't figure out any other way to eat all 4 meats. Maria wondered why I only got three ribs. Pretty stingy. Maria also told me about Apple Scrapple in Herrington DE next fall. There's a whole 'nother story about scrapple, but I'll save it for festival time. Actually I 'll post it shortly because there's a whole lot of there in the old Apple Scrapple Festival. I have to say the the Skin and Bones BBQ was most disappointing. The ribs at BB King's in Memphis run circles around these puppies. Even with sauce, the dry brisket and pork were dry. I must say the chicken was really moist and yummy but I love the other 3 meats more than chicken, as a rule. Stood up, threw out the 90% of the 4 meats that I couldn't possibly eat and hauled my belly toward the next place. 

Briefly sidetracked by Nelson who makes Pecan Yummies. Actually his wife Amy makes the Pecan Yummies. You ever notice that an awful lot of small businesses start with women and somehow they suddenly couldn't have done it without their husbands who quit their jobs? Hmmm... sounds like a lot of ego boosting to me. Along with the Spanx and the Jaks, ladies get rid of those hanger-on husbands. Amy has won a lot of awards both culinarily and entrepreneurially related. Anyhow, Pecan Yummies are pretty yummy and the Yummy Crumbies (Crummies?) are even better. They are all the bits of meringue that fall off the Pecan Yummies. You put them on salad. Amy and Nelson will be putting more recipes on their website. Bought a flower pot with Pecan Yummies and Yummy Crumbies in it for Mother's Day. Probably mine. By the way, Pecan Yummies are gluten free. Not an issue for me, but hey, it must be for some people. I never understood that whole thing but it's something about not be able to digest stuff I think.

Next booth is Chop Shop. It is the home of the BBQ Sundae. As I couldn't eat another bit at that moment, I waited until someone else was served a BBQ Sundae so I could see it. It is BBQ with coleslaw and beans. Just like the Tennessee Taco without the tortilla.



This is the first time I will see Pig Candy advertised. I am intrigued. What could it be? Little pig shaped mints? Chocolates? Cupcakes? I would have to wait to find out. There are lots more BBQ tents including Big Fat Daddy's and The Smoke Shack which Feeds The Soul. These all have long lines so they must be good.


And then I heard through a bull horn that brats were for sale from the world's largest BBQ grill. Had to see it. It is 62 feet long and weighs 43,000 pounds. They have to haul it around with a semi.


Turns out that the world's biggest BBQ grill is sort of donated to local charities for fund raisers. This one is for the Fire Department. It didn't look like they were selling too many brats but I couldn't eat another thing yet. I asked the guys if I could come up and look at it if I made a donation instead of buying a brat. They were happy to oblige.


Took another stroll around and saw these guys. Holy Smokes (kinda obvious, and besides there's a restaurant in Monteagle TN by that name). South Carolina BBQ & Catering (I wish they wouldn't put catering in their name; makes me feel like I'm eating food from Aramark). Boar's Nest. Jacked Up.





Hold your horses! Jacked Up also has Pig Candy! While supplies last. Very long line so I figured I'd get my candy on the way out. By the way, Jacked Up's FB page has ads for diets.


There is also lots of related merchandise. Like Todd's Dirt. Brochures say "Let's Get Dirty." The dirt in question is BBQ rub which is a bunch of spices you put on the meat before it goes on the grill. Some lady walking by told her husband that, no, we have plenty of rubs at home. Sometimes testosterone and BBQ are a deadly combination. Kinda like me and scissors. You can never have enough. You don't know when you might need them.

Then there's Captain Thom. Captain Thom makes hot sauce. I asked him how he got into the hot sauce business. They sold spices in Ellicott City and then did that at the Rennaissance Faire. The Faire organizers asked him to carry hot sauce. After awhile Thom got sick of buying someone else's so he made his own hot sauce. There are a lot of hot sauces out there. One of the very first things I ever saw on what became the internet was a hot sauce company. I have been in a number of stores that carry only hot sauce. As far as I'm concerned, the green McIlleny's stuff is an abomination. I am strictly a regular red Tabasco girl. Unless of course I am in the islands in which case I eat whatever they are serving and it's always pretty great. Especially if you buy your BBQ from a 55 gallon drum on the roadside in Negril. I have also been told that if you eat whatever hot peppers the locals eat you won't get diarhea. I have found this to be true in Southeast Asia but not Guatamala. Maybe I just brushed my teeth with crappy water in Guatamala. Anyhow, Captain Thom's hot sauce has all those kinds with skulls on them and flames and purple labels with clever names. I felt obligated to buy some. It sucked. Tasted just like those powdered spices. He must have had them left over from the Rennaissance Faire.

As mentioned before, there is lots of wine and beer. I almost always hate local wine. Give me a good Portugese any day. But I usually like local beer. Those 20-something guys take great pride in their brews. Dogfish Head was started by one of those guys in Delaware. He made a lot of money. Victory Brewing has reclaimed a piece of an old steel town not too too far from me. So here we have Evo. There were a lot of 20-something girls drinking it. The 20-something brewer must be really hot. This is Tara. She really likes Evo.
Today was Family Day at Pork in the Park. I like this family on a blanket in front of the stage. Maria told me that there is lots of rock music on Saturday night, if I like rock music. Oh dear. I'm an oldie again. Hello! Have you heard of the Stones? Or the Beatles? Well I did once meet someone who was astonished to hear that Paul McCartney was in a band before Wings. And check out this inventive use of a stroller. She kept on telling me that, really, it isn't her stroller. She's just watching it. Uh huh.
This is Charlene and her son Jason. They sell official Pork in the Park t-shirts. I bought a long-sleeved one for $16. They sell a lot of t-shirts but the rain yesterday hurt their business. I really like these guys. They are a happy family. I think there is no dad in this picture. This is Cy. He is a Lion and is eating one of the oyster fritter sandwiches they are selling to raise money. He says it is good. I hate oysters and had never met a Cy. He says Cyprus (you idiot).

Found cornholing! Laura Mitchell the soon-to-be Councilwoman told me it is kind of like Skee Ball. I now see that it is. Still don't get the rules.


Ask group of insiders. Three points for in the hole, 1 for being on the board "whether you do it or someone does it for you". This is trickier than it looks because if you just toss it to try to get in the hole, you'll be off the board if you miss. It seems the way to do it is to hit the lower part of the board with enough momentum to have it slide up and into the hole. That way, if you miss, you still get 1 point for being on the board. There are a lot of drunk people watching. Cornholing is played on the tennis courts. People do not have regular teams like in Punkin' Chunkin'. It's all for fun. Don't tell that to the guy above, because he's really serious about cornholing.


This is a really cool t-shirt that is sold by Steven. They make shirts and novelties for corporate events and stuff. Steven is very soft-spoken and very nice. I think that if he weren't selling t-shirts he'd be a nuclear physicist or something. Just has that zen kind of vibe. Steven tells me that their most popular t-shirt has a woody on it! His boss comes over and says he'll send me one. Cool.




No pig out would be complete without cake. This is Sarah (I think). She sells Smith Island cake. The original is yellow cake with fudge frosting in between a whole bunch of layers. She also has coconut and red velvet. This being (marginally) the south, I had to have the coconut. Best $2 I ever spent. Like air. They sell on the net.

While I was eating my cake at one of those long tables, the fat lady across the way with her fat kid was having this. I have never seen anything like it. It is a Chip Stack. I got to thinking and realized that even with all this great food around. There are only like two fat people here which is a miracle in the USA.

 I had passed the jelly lady's table a bunch of times because there is always jelly at these things and it is always very mediocre. Well, they Be Jammin' alright. Debbie makes 300 (!) varieties of jelly. I asked her if she had any pepper jelly. Well, I just happened to be standing right in front of the pepper jellies. All 50 kinds of them. They are rated 1-10 on spiciness and are made with everything from tomatoes to apples to mint to cherries to.... I bought four but I can't remember which ones. Note to self: check what's in bag from jelly lady.


This is Keith. He is selling raffle tickets for a very nice BB gun. Keith heads up the VFW Youth Shooting Team. They have about 24 youths that shoot. Of course by the end of the winter it's only 10 or so. They are champions of some variety. I passed on the raffle ticket but made a very generous donation as I am a gun-toter myself and am happy to see the youth of our country learning gun safety. Feel very patriotic.









Finally went back to first pig candy sign I saw. These guys are from Seaside NJ and won some stuff. That's Alan (or Allen) Jr. in the front and Alan (or Allen) Sr. in the back. I order 2 pig candies, if they have anything left, as it is while it lasts. In one container or two? Uh, one. They're onto me. Got to talking to Joe Sr. He is an old car guy! He told me what he has and it is basically one or two a decade since 1940. We traded flathead stories and he told me to check out Wave Crest in San Diego where the woodies go every year. Also bike week. Earlier in the week, I got a tip on a hot rod show in Atlantic City where there are 5400 hot rods already registered. Sounds like a road trip, or trips, to me. Danny also works there. So here it is, pig candy:


I took my pig candy with me and got back into Woody. Cute, drunk 20-something tells me I'm sexy. Okay, he was drunk, but I'll take it where I can. I figured I'd take some pig candy home for my family to try. Pig candy is really thick really good bacon with pepper and some sweet stuff (probably brown sugar) and garlic, I think because I tasted it later and it wasn't garlic powder because that stuff gives me a stomach ache. I couldn't keep my hands off the stuff. It is a drug. It needs a caution: may be habit forming label. I took this picture by blindly pointing the camera at the car seat as I was driving. I had to do that because I had a compulsion to eat it all before I got to my destination and then there would be nothing to take a picture of.

Nice drive back up. Saw about an acre of shipping containers for sale, you know the ones that are big and steel and they put on boats and rails. There was a sign (actually a whole lot more than one) for hot tubs. I am just imagining living in a container with a hot tub. You know, there is a small house movement afoot and I once saw a picture of someone who had built a house with two containers connected by a nice courtyard. Slam on the brakes! You know those deer crossing signs with outlines of deer on them? Or those kids for school crossings? Two yellow diamond-shaped signs with outlines of tractors including guys with straw hats! Farm machinery crossing! Must note geographic coordinates.

This is the oldest continually running ferry in the United States. It is run by a small family and passed down through generations. It goes from Oxford to Royal Oak MD. It is very small.


My mother is buried to the right of those houses. The other picture shows the locker room for the crew: Six t-shirts on hangers. This is Keith (I think- forgot to write it down). He correctly guessed Woody's birth date. Very impressive. He has his boat here and lives in Lake Placid. He must like water a whole lot. He has come out of retirement to work on a business down here. I don't know what it is because we got to the other side.

Anniversary party. Family drama. Can't believe I have to eat again. Friend's inamorata likes him for his credit card. He loves her but she is cold. He wants to marry her but not legally. Broken hearts ensue. Two of the twelve guests falling over drunk. Drive home on lovely empty roads. Arrive 1:30 a.m. Cool lollipops from The Groovy Baker on etsy have arrived. Includes peeps flavor.