Woody & My IBF

This is some stuff in Silver Star. The back thing says "Mine Fire Car". Which reminds me. Why do people put their names on all their stuff?Like their boats, their houses, their cars and even their airplanes? In the Big Fork parade, one of our Tourists put ads up for his development. Monograms I pretty much get because you have to make sure you get the right shirts back from the Chinese laundry, but what the fuck is with all these names? Must be Donald Trump corrupting the taste of America.

I have been running into tons of trailers potentially for Woody. As you know, I am taken by MaryJanes Farm's teardrop. Love, love, love it. Vintage aluminum trailers of any variety are often called canned hams. You remember canned hams, don't you? Those were the ones with the red and white printed pictures of a luscious pineapple-topped holiday ham. We didn't get the fancy real ones then. Canned was a delicacy of its own. I think they were expensive. If you remember them, you remember the shape. Get it? Teardrops are called teardrops because, well you know. Teardrops may be a subcategory of canned hams if they are aluminum.

Then I went to Canada and was introduced to "the egg." Egg is the generic term for fiberglass trailers made roughly between 1965 and 1975. They are 13' or 16' long and you can stand up in them. You cannot stand up in a teardrop. The eggs in question are Bolers. They weight under 900 pounds (for the 13') and have a cult following. There are bunk beds and a dinette into a bed thing and a refrigerator and the kitchen is inside. This is a Boler. This is a Boler too. I will not tell you where they are for sale as I may buy one or the other. My fellow Tourist is having hers painted purple and silver to match her car. She will use it for car shows where you need a place to sit down. She will not be traveling in it, I think. Woody will be able to tow a Boler but it is much less aerodynamic than a teardrop and will probably be more of a burden.


Passing through Big Fork, Montana, visited Ford V-8 Flathead Museum (!). Original teardrop trailer!

I have never seen one before. MaryJanes looks just like it but prettier because it is new and was designed by a cool girl. Plus, MaryJane will give you backup lessons and a free book and I think MaryJane is groovy. Sat and pondered original trailer. Very similar. Should I look for an old one? Or should I just jump aboard MaryJane's train? Hmmm. I do know that the old one has a kind of tent that shelters your kitchen in the rain and also lets you dress standing up. I need to get one of these. I wonder if MaryJane knows about those. I'll have to get her one.


Here's another old trailer which is wood which is good for Woody. But it's kinda awkward and probably heavy.

Now getting to the important stuff: stuff to do. I love the Boler because they have Bolerama. I could go to Bolerama and check out all the cool Bolers to buy. And I hear it is a drunken love fest. Check out the names of the meets: Prairie Egg Gathering, Fourth Annual Alberta Omelette, Scrambled Egg Meet.

But there are also things for teardrops and for vintage trailers in general. Boy, is there a lot to do.

Check this one out: Sisters On The Fly. "We have more fun than anyone." Count me in! You can win merit badges. Really. I was a fabulous Girl Scout. Since I was tiny and had a whole lot of badges, they went up the back of my sash too. I think I still have it. I have earned Potty Outside Badge already. My honeymoon with SEAL was kayaking and primitive camping in the Exumas. You had to bring your own fresh water and no showers until the end of the week. That salt crust sure was sexy. Don't think marriage was consummated that week. I was a city girl and could not, would not pee outside. SEAL gave me a shovel and pointed out the nice view behind the boulders. Had to learn or face monumental bladder infection without even a glass of cranberry juice. Also have Purple Heart Badge. See Ron The Hun. Want to earn The Cowgirl Prom Badge. And I can do this regardless of my choice in trailers. Also Tin Can Tourists, although I'm not quite sure if they would let a Boler in, even if it's vintage. How about Teardrops Travel? But hold on a second pardner. Bolerama. Canadian beer. Think about it.

I have been repeatedly asked who Millard Newman is. This is because all our car banners read Spirit of Millard Newman Tour. Millard started these badboys. They were the Transcontinental Reliability Tours, restricted to brass cars. A brass car is pre-WWI (1914). Usually five weeks, the tours followed such routes as San Francisco to Philadelphia (for the bicentennial), Portland to Portland (Oregon to Maine), Key West to Halifax and eventually New York to New York via Great Britain on the QEII. Millard and his wife Maggie always drove Putt-Putt, a bright red 1911 Rolls Royce Silver Ghost with copious amounts of brass. Millard was known for his sporting leather aviator helmet worn by early motorists and occasional dust coat. In those days, the fifty cars that traveled we of all varieties, including Turcat-Mery, Thomas Flyer, Ford, Locomobile, Peugot, Pierce Arrow,Winton and so on. There was a point system. You received a perfect score if you made the checkpoint for the day. In theory this is easy. There is plenty of time to make it, even in old cars. However, there is a reason for the Reliability part of Reliability Tour. It was not a question of if there were going to be problems, but when. You were penalized for every 100 ft. you were pushed, pulled or towed. There were many, many penalties. The whole idea of reliability was to see if you could make your car go, and if  not fix it yourself. Tourists were very helpful toward each other given that it often took more than one hand and more than one head to figure out the solution. There was much meeting of the locals, particularly in tire stores, machine shops, forges (yes, forges) and so on.

I began Transcons in 1978 on Key West to Halifax. We drove a 1904 Mercedes, the oldest in the group. You got points for every year older than 1914 your car was. The Mercedes was chain-driven and you got a lap full of motor oil if you sat in the front seat. We broke down many times. My sister was massively burned on the exhaust system during the parade in Disney World. She still has the scars. We did not finish. In those days, many cars did not finish. They were towed home. In another Tour, we we running downhill at a 10 percent grade or something when the brass gearshift lever broke clean off. Compression brakes are not reliable. At all. They were never meant to be. You downshifted to go at an appropriate rate downhill. We had just passed the truck run off area. A truck run off area is a flat spot with gravel on the bottom that slows and hopefully stops the truck, or in our case, the car. It would have been helpful. At the bottom of the red sand hill was a stop sign at a tee. It was a good thing that across the intersection was a salt lake. Dry.

A few Tours, we had a pack of teenagers running wild. I have fond memories of Pat O'Briens in New Orleans, drinking underage. Loaning my hotel room to a young couple. Buying a blender at a K-Mart along the way when we hijacked a Thomas Flyer. Jumping into ponds from huge cliffs. Young love that lasted several tours and burned out as we became young adults. The guy who drove the entire thing on a learner's permit. He turned sixteen on that tour. I still have the picture of him in front of the burning candles on his cake. As time went on and we all had our own lives, the tours became older. And everyone figured out that Rolls Royces were the most reliable and thus the fun was taken out of the deal. Everyone is over 60 now (except me and one couple with teenaged children), and most over 70. Maggie Newman continues to drive Putt-Putt on her own. This year, the Transcontinental has been revived, but the Reliability has been removed.

A brief word about Millard. The late Mr. Newman was a Tampa-based cigar manufacturer and antique car hauler. I'm not sure about the cigars. I know absolutely nothing else about him except his enthusiasm, big smiles and occasional crotchityness.
Looked it up. Here's stuff about Millard. Also the list of Transcons.