4:21 PM |
So went the caption on a picture from the semiannual community publication two towns over. Now you understand the kind of place I live in. The new trash cans mark the culmination of a $1.5 million streetscaping project. Believe me, I'm all for nice streets but we have a heck of a lot of nice farmland around and it doesn't need $1.5 million of beautification. I'm guessing this is another "shovel ready" project for the federal incentives. At the end of last year, Pennsylvania hadn't used up its money so it funded lots of projects That Can Be Done Right Now. But I would be guessing wrong. The community and county coughed up the dough for, among other things, new parking meters. The stimulus money went to other non-essential projects like the renovation of my stream. $235,000 to be exact. I now have a marsh where my stream used to be but at least I won't be losing my big trees or my neighbor's horses to rogue flow.
I tried to find the photo of the trash cans, benches and planters from the newsprint magazine to show what they look like. The last online publications were from 2010. So I googled images. Low and behold, an article about the controversy over new park benches. It wasn't in the proper town, though. In 2001, the following was written in The Baltimore Sun:
OXFORD -- A squabble over park benches placed near the elegant homes that line the banks of the Tred Avon River has turned nasty in one of the Eastern Shore's oldest and prettiest towns.Some waterfront property owners are hopping mad about losing their privacy in what they say is a power play by Oxford's three-member commission. But town leaders dismiss the complaints as little more than elitist whining, a case of not-in-my-back-yard sniping from nouveaux Oxfordians who have little regard for the Colonial-era port's traditions
...At issue are 16 park benches town officials ordered this summer, most of them installed at the unpaved sections of streets that end at the river or along Town Creek...
Both sides seem eager to settle the matter before a judge in the county courthouse a few miles up the road in Easton
...
A caption in Wednesday's Maryland section incorrectly described a park bench in Oxford as one that has caused controversy in the Eastern Shore town. The bench in the photograph is not one of those in dispute. The Sun regrets the error.
Really want to see those park benches. It got me wondering. Are benches inherently controversial? Googled. Controversies galore.
Macon, GA:
The dust has settled and the sun is setting on the controversy surrounding the removal of benches in front of the Dempsey Apartments in downtown Macon.
The benches were removed by the mayor’s office at the request of the property manager for Barkan Management Co., the owner of the Dempsey, because of concerns that the benches invited drug dealers and vagrants to hang out there. After community activists rallied around the Dempsey’s elderly residents, local politicians took up the cause and demanded the return of the benches.
This week, the Urban Development Authority — which installed the benches with a streetscape project — reinstalled the benches on the corner of Third and Cherry streets. This time, the benches were placed to create more room for handicapped parking and the 10-minute parking spaces in the front of the Dempsey where residents are most likely to wait for a ride.
And there's more: Santa Barbara Bench Removal Proposal Fuels Controversy on State Street.
In Spokane:
And don't get me started on trash cans.
I just had to put up some pictures of Russ as he has made my 90 year-old dad very happy by talking to him this weekend. Luv 'ya, Russ. I know, stop bitchin' and go fishin'.
Russell has a website called Dangerous Deckhands, The Men Behind The Work. So far as I can tell he is the only men. The store part doesn't work. Russ, fix this thing. I would buy stuff.On a whole other Deadliest Catch note, Discovery Channel ran a spoof contest once. Here's my absolute favorite one. The new season starts April 12. This is the Super Bowl of Discovery programs. I already have my chips and dip ready. Just a little, tiny bit obsessive.
If you never watch it (why not?), here is the real thing for reference.
My dear Woody can be a pain in the neck what with all the fits and starts and bad water pumps, but I love him nonetheless. Yesterday, Woody wouldn't and I really want to get to the Pennsylvania Maple Festival on Friday. Today I am replacing the points. Put in an enormous amount of oil (was full at last gas stop and doesn't seem to be leaking anywhere, go figure) and some extra gas just in case. The latter was an adventure as I took the gas can that had the spare gas in it before the naughty neighborhood boys needed it (remember, it is a long way to a gas station which is a problem if you can't get the 5 bucks together to keep your brother's old truck from running on fumes) and filled it on the way home from Lowes (three towns over) where I was trying to find a brick-sized backup battery for fiber optic service to my house. Apparently the batteries do not exist. Was worried a bit that the can would slide around in my truck bed a little which could be a big problem because said teenagers broke the cap so it really isn't securely on. Checked gas can half a mile down the road. Truck bed full of fuel. Just waiting for some semi to ram me from behind and take me down in a spectacular inferno. Put cap back on (sorta) and went back to Lowes for replacement can. Still had to get open gas can home. Drove very slowly and tried not to inhale too much. Fingers burning from dealing with the cap.
Putting fluids in Woody is a circus act. The oil fill is way back toward the dash, and the two carburetor rods are on either side of it. I tried my fancy funnel with the flexible neck that the judge in Tunica, Mississippi suggested but the tank opening tilts in such a way that I couldn't keep it balanced. My arms aren't the longest so I have to fill the thing like a fancy waiter does -- from about six inches away. In the dark. Gurgled some on the block. Oh well. I will now know where the smoke is coming from. I suppose I could have wiped it down, but I'd have to crawl onto the top of the fenders and put my face on top of the carb. Gas is usually a piece of cake. The fill is about 4 inches inside the flap thing, unlike in modern cars, but I can angle the pump in there only chipping the paint some of the time. But this time I have a can. Tried the funnel. Angles out a bit over 45 degrees so have to pour very, very slowly from the ragged cap. Problem is, the can is five gallons. Five gallons of gas is heavy, especially when you have to pour it with one hand while the other one is steadying the funnel. Glad I have been beaten into muscular glory by Ron the Hun twice a week. Almost done when mail comes. Mail lady leaves it on my kitchen counter because neither one of us wants to deal with the errant gasoline. Went back to finish but decided Woody has enough. Left gas can in front of barn and wondered which recycling area I should use at the dump. I know there is one for used motor oil. There? There is also one exclusively for cell phones. Decided to leave can in rain. Deal with it some other time like the stuff I brought back from my road trip that still hasn't made it into the laundry. It's like when you move and if you don't unpack all the boxes in the beginning they become time capsules. You never miss the stuff. Maybe I should repack all my belongings and pretend I am moving and then just leave it all in the barn until the mice get at it. I will have a very clean house. Too bad my imaginary boyfriend isn't very good with manual labor. He would know just what to do with the gas. He probably wouldn't do the laundry, though.
In my part of the world we have Zitner's eggs, cream, cocoanut (Zitmer's traditional spelling), marshmallow, peanut butter and Butter Krak. There is now Double Cocoanut. I just had one, and I think the only difference between it and the regular cocoanut is some crunchy stuff I'm guessing is cocoanut. You can only get Zitner's eggs for two weeks at Easter. I think the place closes down the rest of the year, but I'm not sure. I read someplace that Zitner's has this amazing rush of production, much like the red rose business at Valentine's Day. 65% of Zitner's sales are of cream eggs and and basically all sales are made within two hours driving distance from Philadelphia. They make 7 million cream eggs each year. That's a lot of Easter eggs. Lore says a woman was actually buried with Zitomer's eggs in her casket. Now what, may you ask, is Krak? Krak has a buttercream and coconut center covered in toasted coconut and dark chocolate. My CVS is already out of them. I closed my eyes and checked on Lance Armstrong's I'm-fit-and-you're-not site for nutritional information. Zitner's eggs have between 140 and 170 calories. That's, like, two or three Tootsie Pops and we already know that you can have 47 Tootsie Pops a day as part of a healthful diet. So, I can eat about 15 Zitner's eggs a day to be healthy and fit. Works for me. I just had my first three while I was standing in line for a prescription. I had to give the pharmacist the empty wrappers to scan. I suppose they aren't covered under my health insurance, but it never hurts to try. 
Zitner's only "official" internet outlet is pageneralstore.com, but Amazon and a whole bunch of others sell them. Zitner's web site is one page. That's all they need. Do not under any circumstances buy Asher's eggs. Asher's is also in Philadelphia and they make those gigantic eggs that your grandmother ends up eating, but they have no K's.
Philadelphia has a penchant for all things K. In addition to Krak, we have Tastykakes.
Even though they have $300 million in annual sales, Tastykakes is going bankrupt (Daily News headline: Kan Tasty Kake be Saved? Yuk-yuk). No one is helping except the loyal consumers of Butterscotch Krimpets and Kandy Kakes (see, the K again). Tastykake has a Career Opportunities section on its website.There are 23 jobs available. If I were Tastykake, I wouldn't be filling those jobs. Pisses the banks off. That's what Tastykake gets for its LEED certified building in the revitalized Navy Yard with all those incentives. Shoulda stayed where they were, like Zitmer's. Also, they are paying for the baseball stadium to put refrigerators on the concession counters so that the Kakes don't melt. There's gotta be some kind of additive they can put in there so that they don't need to ice 'em down. For a coupla years I lived a half block from the Eastern State Penetentiary. This is where Al Capone escaped. I think the idea of penance is pretty cool. Inmates were all in solitary with a bible and a round window on their ceilings that was called the eye of god. Basically, criminals were being put in a time out to think about what they did. You didn't know that you were training your kid for crime, did you? Anyhow, there is a well-known retsauranteuress (is that a word?) who let's them eat Tasty Kakes on Bastille Day. Here is the event.
Kool.
Why are we all not getting laid enough? On Sunday mornings, I like to read Lisa Scottoline's column in the Philadelphia Inquirer. She writes lots of books but I haven't read any. I just think she's a riot. I suppose she isn't very funny in her books because they are those thrillers that are called things like Devil's Corner, Moment of Truth, Everywhere Mary Went, Think Twice and Save Me. Well Ms. Scottoline, I think I can save you.
Her column this week involved apps. One of them wakes you up when you are moving most. You put your laptop between the mattress and boxspring. Problem is, she has a bunch of pets and it measures them moving around. "But enough about the movement in my bed. In fact, there's not enough movement in my bed, of late. Think there's an app for that?"
Her column this week involved apps. One of them wakes you up when you are moving most. You put your laptop between the mattress and boxspring. Problem is, she has a bunch of pets and it measures them moving around. "But enough about the movement in my bed. In fact, there's not enough movement in my bed, of late. Think there's an app for that?"
Why yes there is. Have you ever seen how many vibrating apps there are? I was seriously scarred for life when I saw two of them on my 70 year-old step mother's iPad. It seems that iPads don't vibrate under any circumstances so people who by them for that method of delivery will be disappointed. Also doesn't work on iTouch (a bit ironic, that touch thing). That makes me feel better unless of course it was just synching with her phone. iPhone users are delighted.
You get no results when you search for vibrate in the AppStore application. You get lots when you go to iTunes. I have discovered 35 apps that vibrate, excluding the ones for games (although maybe those count). They are listed under Health & Fitness (13), Entertainment (6), Lifestyle (6), Medical (1), and Utilities (7). Remote Masseuse is the one listed under Medical. Hmmm. Wonder which is the most appropriate. All of the above? In the same search, I ran into Sweet Feet which is pictures for foot fetishists and Door Stop which lets you play with that springy thing that keeps your door from hitting the wall.
You can pretty much tell who buys what by not only the reviews but the other apps they buy.
You can pretty much tell who buys what by not only the reviews but the other apps they buy.
Allinson - Vibrate Other apps: Google Search I suppose you have to do a search to figure out what/who Allinson is (Wikipedia says a brand of flour) |
| Body Massage Stress Relief Other apps: Fish Fingers! Fireworks Toy Harried mother of toddler |
| Body Massager It works But will it get the job done? That's up to you! Other apps: Convert-O-Matic, Bocce Calc, Erasmos Clock Snarky physics major |
| Cherry Blossom Massage If this were downloaded from the web, I'd think it was a virus if u want an app to drain your battery this is the app to do it!!!! Other apps: Item Shelf, Off Remote, Epicurious, Amazon Mobile Lawyer and neglected wife in McMansion |
| Finger Tingles It only lasts 30 seconds what r gonna do wit that? My phone just became my new best friend! Omg..My butt is still sore Other apps: AbbStore, Calorie Counter, Lifesaver An equal opportunity app |
| Hot Massage nobody gives a fuck |
| iBrate Me Probably better off buying the real thing Other apps: MAC Address, Get It! Not sure if real thing is a vibrator or a hooker |
| iBrate Vibrate dude i use it on my kitten and it fell asleep real fast amazing Other apps: Glee Karaoke, Mini Touch Golf Cat lady of the future |
| iBrater Oh ya…feels good on my junk too I love it mostly between my legs but up the butt is good I'm a lesbian so its all good Other apps: Justin Bieber Fun Facts Preteens "experimenting" |
| iBuzzYou No one gives a fuck about this one either |
| iMassageMe It's a massager. Not a vibrator… Other apps: Lexicomp Medical, Turkish Koran Clueless foreign med student |
| iMassager |
| iMassageU iTingles Nobody gives a... |
| IQ Vibrate Other apps: Draw & Stamp Lite, iBanner! Cheerleader who thinks she'll do super! on her PSATs |
| IVibrate it has a vibrating person on the screen Other apps: Off Remote, Zillow Tired real estate agent working in Florida, Las Vegas or Arizona |
| iVibrateMe Got the party started! This is Awesome !!!! Even my girlfriend get ORGASM while using this vibrator.!! This is an amazing application. I totally love it. My girlfriend uses my phone more than I do :) Any time any place! Forget F Street ladies!!! This is all ya need now! Even nice girls love it and it really works! Great for those Boring commutes or when the kids finally get off to school @ you get some time to yourself... Other apps: Gilt, JCPenney Weekly Deals Cougar and servicer |
| iVibro Pro Other apps: Dictionnaire, Delivery Status Heartsick American with French Pen Pal |
| Massage Me Kinda like my ex Other apps: Calorie Counter Wannabe cougar |
| Massage Relax Touch not strong enough for THAT area…for me anyway… |
| MossBuzz Other apps: Lifesaver Submit, Eye Chart |
| My vibrate Other apps: FirePlace, Spawn, Ghost Radar |
| Mybrater No one... |
| myMassage this little gem really helps put the spark back into my long stressful days. When I need to mix it up I really like that you can shake the phone for a different beat. I also like that this icon is a bit more discrete on my screen than some of the others. I would have gotten a bigger tickle by tossing a buck out of a speeding car! Other apps: Paintbook, SkyWriter, Draw It! Pocket Massager Pro Simple, clean and it works Other apps: Eye Chart, Calorie Counter Probably me- it's a hygiene thing |
| Remote Masseuse (I can't understand a single thing written about it - must be in math) Other apps: Lifesaver, Eye Chart Myopic math club president |
| Seismic Vibrations Other apps: Ghost Radar, iSpy Cameras, Spawn |
| Sports Massager No one has a clue what this does |
| UltraVib I've seduced many beautiful women with this app. However, it resulted in my iPhone becoming "water damaged" Guy with small dick |
Vibrating Massager Gives me soooo much pleasure. I don't need my husband anymore. My grandma love it !!! Water Scape, Lexicomp, Koran Vibrating Massager (99 cent version) my girlfriend loves it-can you make a scarecrow version Other apps: turkish koran and Eye Chart Pro Naughty optometrist playing dress up So, Lisa (we are on a first name basis now that we are discussing matters of the nether lands), shall we compare notes? After all, my imaginary boyfriend has a bit of a, uh, problem in this area. Massage Me sounds like a good choice for you because of Thing Two. You know who I mean. [Sorry for the weird formatting. I can't figure out how to fix it and I'm too tired to learn.] |
In addition to Woody, I own a 1926 Cadillac tourer. It was a wedding gift and I got it in the divorce. I also have an Audi TT roadster, a product of my early midlife crisis. I have three garage bays. My truck doesn't have to go in and my beater sedan doesn't really either, but my kid's car needs to live there until he takes it to college. So it is now time to let go.
Here is my Cadillac. You can buy it on eBay if you hurry. Its number is 230601830664. At the moment it is really cheap but don't think you'll get it at that price.
My best friend loves playing queen in the backseat when we go to the races. You can fit a cooler, pre-mixed bloody marys, chicken salad and a cheese tray in it in addition to four people. Or you can put seven people in. I almost always carry four plus the food. If some one's being a pain in the neck, I take three. And maybe some lawn chairs and a flower arrangement. Someone else has to bring the folding tables, though.
Caddy is perfect for viewing the Pennsylvania Hunt Cup and the Willowdale Steeplechase because it is higher than all the vehicles except some duelies. You almost always make the papers, too. We're too cool for that of course. We never park in the antique and classic car area because it is nowhere near the races themselves. Just in case we actually want to watch them. I can't remember which race is which except I think Willowdale is the one in the spring. Yes, it must be because the convenience store where you get in to the Hunt Cup has a wagon with pumpkins in it. The sponsors are also different. The Hunt Cup has big banks and stuff while Willowdale has the local guys.
There is a bit of history about the races. I mean ours, not the races (who cares). When I first came to the country, I gained a great group of friends. We would park in the spot that my former best friend had because she bought a lifetime space when she was married. We had grand times with tea sandwiches and lots to drink. Then the powers that be decided that a lifetime spot isn't good for a lifetime. We were exiled up the hill. Just wasn't the same any more. It won't make any difference with my imaginary boyfriend. But maybe with my almost-real imaginary boyfriend. Dream on.
My best friend loves playing queen in the backseat when we go to the races. You can fit a cooler, pre-mixed bloody marys, chicken salad and a cheese tray in it in addition to four people. Or you can put seven people in. I almost always carry four plus the food. If some one's being a pain in the neck, I take three. And maybe some lawn chairs and a flower arrangement. Someone else has to bring the folding tables, though.
Caddy is perfect for viewing the Pennsylvania Hunt Cup and the Willowdale Steeplechase because it is higher than all the vehicles except some duelies. You almost always make the papers, too. We're too cool for that of course. We never park in the antique and classic car area because it is nowhere near the races themselves. Just in case we actually want to watch them. I can't remember which race is which except I think Willowdale is the one in the spring. Yes, it must be because the convenience store where you get in to the Hunt Cup has a wagon with pumpkins in it. The sponsors are also different. The Hunt Cup has big banks and stuff while Willowdale has the local guys.
There is a bit of history about the races. I mean ours, not the races (who cares). When I first came to the country, I gained a great group of friends. We would park in the spot that my former best friend had because she bought a lifetime space when she was married. We had grand times with tea sandwiches and lots to drink. Then the powers that be decided that a lifetime spot isn't good for a lifetime. We were exiled up the hill. Just wasn't the same any more. It won't make any difference with my imaginary boyfriend. But maybe with my almost-real imaginary boyfriend. Dream on.
Got email from black recycled woodie guy. His name is Jeff. Checked out his blog. I may not have figured it out, but I can't see anything but single pictures. Designer guy must not be writer guy. Tried subscription form. Writing! I am impressed by his cover photo in the Woodie Times. You can only get the Woodie Times in paper form. Be careful when you open the site because it has all those awful noises that new web designers think are cool. Hit mute. In the Gallery, you are supposed to be able to see a caption when you roll over the cover photos. Hey Mr. New Guy, fix this or don't put the site on your resume. There are also poems/songs in the gallery. I like goofy car owners, but in this case too much time on their hands. I did find out, though, that May 21 is National Woody Day. You're supposed to drive your car. I thought that was the point of owning a car but who am I to disagree. Woody Times is looking for stories. Boy could I tell stories. But I'm not sure they're up to hearing about an imaginary family. Note to self: call Jeff. We could use a friend.
While I didn't read any newspapers at all on my trip last month and didn't miss anything, I am in the habit of reading the Philadelphia Inquirer in the paper form. I sometimes read the New York Times and The Wall Street Journal on my iPad. I don't need the Times too much because there is an app for the crossword puzzle. Useful words to know: aglet, essene, yser. Anyhow, yesterday in the Sunday comics, there was a Doonesbury strip that tickled my fancy. This image is probably illegal, so you have to go to the source to read it. The gist is that Alex is contemplating her Facebook persona and has a bit of a reality check. "It's this place where a perfect, overcurated version of me lives. A place where I'm accomplished, happy and attractive. Even my professed faults are endearing! Who IS she? I don't even RECOGNIZE this person!" She is with quasi-boyfriend and backpedals "Okay, so I'm keeping the "perfect boyfriend" part." As you know, I have a very perfect imaginary boyfriend, thank you. Also an almost-real imaginary boyfriend whose only flaw is that he doesn't know I'm even alive. But my imaginary daughter, Lila Rae, is indeed perfect with her big pink bow in her light blonde hair. Just to point out that I have my little flaws, you should know that I snore. But I always wake myself up.Today was the Northeastern Rod and Custom Car Show. It was held in one of those suburban expo centers next to BJ's and Home Depot. When I looked up directions, the place gave its exact address for GPS users and then said don't use that address because you won't get there. Instead you are to use the address for the Oaks Deli and Pizzeria and you can figure it out from there. On the way there, I noticed those Please Don't Litter signs, and one of them said This Area Available. Good to know that if I need to toss my Budweiser can out the window this is the place.
In addition to actually seeing the cars, I saw in the newspaper that LeSean McCoy, one of my favorite football players, would be signing autographs. Better get out my lucky Eagles hat. And check this out: Russell Newberry from Deadliest Catch would be there. Now this is really big news for me because my father is turning 90 this summer and one of the only TV shows he watches is this Bering Sea saga. We talk about it. His wife walks by an episode and says that she's already seen it, as if bad ass men lucking out (or not) in catching crabs is always the same. We know better, Dad and I. He says that whatever the guys are paid, they should make double. Anyhow, I quick printed up a card for him that says "Happy 90th Birthday Henry, Straight From The Bering Sea." Hope I get to see Russ.
Paid my 15 bucks and meant to go flying over to the line for LeSean as he was going to be there 1-3. Then I'd have to track Russ down because I had no idea when he would be there. The website didn't say. The first thing I saw was the most unusual wine I had ever come across. This is Mr. Boyd. He sells Jalapeno wine. Yup, Jalapeno wine. They're the only ones that make it. Uh, yes. Paid my $25 and stuck it in my bag with the birthday card and the lucky cap. He asked my if I wanted to try it. Hell no. I'm not sure what occasion calls for Jalapeno wine, but I'm sure I'll find one. Wine guy says it goes well with really soft brie and crackers. I'm sure... 
Luckily, xxx told me that Russ is in the very back right. Make a beeline and run into line for McCoy. It was relatively short so I got on it. 1:15 no McCoy. 1:30 no McCoy. 1:45 no McCoy. Watched airbrush competition at end of hall on top of trailer. I have to risk it. Darted over to find Russell.
And here he is! Russ is one cool dude. Swears like a, well, sailor. Funny as all get out. I cut into line and asked him to quick sign the birthday card. Told him he should make more money. Phone rang. My dad, I shrugged. Russ says put him on. No shit. He talked with daddy dear for about five minutes, still swearing like Popeye. Later I talked with Dad. Gale's not going to believe it, he said of his wife. She told me he was beaming from ear to ear. Cool. After the 40 or so birthdays I have known him, I have found exactly zero more ties or shirts or books or talking bass to buy him. Asked Russ what he'll be doing at 50. Well, pretty much the same. He's 48! I thought they all unsuccessfully used their survival suits by then. Russ's dream situation is working for the Hillstrands (Time Bandit, in case you need a refresher) on Sig's boat (Northwestern, hey watch the show). Russ is a free agent, he said. Went to see him a couple of times. Told him I'm going to Alaska next trip and showed him a picture of Woody. Russ said to go in June. Nearly gave him my phone number, might make almost-real imaginary boyfriend jealous. He gave me a CD. Wish I could listen to it in Woody. Checked out his blog. There will be a big party from Miami to Key West to Cozumel on May 12-16. It is called The Dangerous Red Cruise. Note to self: check calendar.
Quick got back onto McCoy line. Only a few people back so I guess he isn't as exciting as Michael Vick. This is Bill and Bob. They are big fans. With the new TVs, they like to watch the games at home. We agreed that it's too loud at the Linc and you can't see anything anyhow. They don't know each other. This is Ben. He knows how much every picture costs at every retail outlet. He also knows the schedule of all player autograph sessions. He said he is a collector. I've been looking around, and I think these guys buy the stuff, get it autographed and flip it. Maybe that's why they said that you could only get one thing autographed. Note to self: check out sports memorabilia on eBay.
This is Greg? As you can see, his helmet has lots and lots of signatures, even the most obscure. No Donovan McNabb, though. Wasn't meant to be ironic. And this is Heath from Portland, Maine. He has two cars here. I later found that he has a business of some kind catering to hot rodders. I'm not sure what he's doing in the McCoy line. He is a Patriots fan.
And here is Mr. McCoy himself. He has a huge diamond watch with an Eagles green face. It has diamonds on the sides too. Football players always look smaller to me in person. I think he is a small guy anyhow. Have to look it up. We are not to pose with him for pictures because there are too many people in line but it's okay if we take pictures of him signing things for other people. This is a skinny table so when you get to him you are really face to face. I wish I could have taken that picture though. This man has a million dollar smile. He changed pens to silver to sign my hat. I blessed him for saving our team. Later I heard Lesean (we are now on a first name basis, being within six inches of each other and all) working a car trade with one of the hot rod guys. At the end of the day he was talking to a guy in a sports jacket with a wife in a skirt. Must be official business because this is a jeans and flames kind of day.
Chores done, I decided to see the show. This is Lonnie and friends and their cool Ford. There is not a single wrinkle or bubble on that car. It took them 4 1/2 years to do. I asked what they did first. The frame, then the engine then the body. They must have thought I had my head in an oven. Or was a girl, which was pretty much the same.
This is a 1957 Chevy Bel Aire. My grandmother had one of these except hers was two-tone blue. I bet she'll have this sweet ride in heaven.
Ford trucks. As you know, I have a fondness for pickups (behind scissors, farm machinery and cleavers).
Trans Am. My sister had one in high school but hers had t-tops. I was instructed that t-tops were introduced in 1976. Boy, these guys know their stuff. 
Chevy Nova. Who woulda thunk? Sweet, sweet story. Son finishes restoration started by dad. The top of the article notes a review of the new 2009 Audi TT. Good taste. My midlife crisis car.
Okay, now here are the bad boys. I thought all hot rods looked like this. 
Batmobile. Has working flame thrower. No demonstrations I'm afraid.
BMV crossover. You need to get your Daddy to buy you one of these for fraternity parties. Probably goes 500 miles an hour.
Recycled Ford Woodie. 1940 (not as good as Woody's age of 1942). Sorry Recycled Guy. Interesting matte black paint job and low riding. I never understood low riders. Note to self: research low riding. Recycled Woodie's owner must be a graphic designer because not only does his brag board look groovy, but he even has one of those Rorschach test thingies that you scan with your iPhone for more info. He has cool decals on his back window. I didn't read all of his stuff and I usually rely on enlarging the signs in the photos when I get home. No can do here. Owner isn't around. Left my card.
This is Jim. I love Jim. He has a Firebird that he got in 1990. You can even see the inspection stickers from that year. You don't have to have older cars inspected any more. It would be a waste of time as none of us could pass emissions testing. Jim spent 13 years looking for all the parts before he worked on it. It took 2 1/2 years to do. It's really his wife's car. His wife has leukemia. She found out on January 15. They had signed up for this show last summer and his wife was really looking forward to it. She is waiting for a bone marrow transplant. If you are not already signed up, go to the bone marrow registry right away. It is the right thing to do. Jim's wife wears a bandanna. She looks very fetching that way and bugs Jim that it is time for lunch or dinner. It is 3:30 p.m.
Jim is also into John Deeres! He is working on a tractor that he got in parts but all the parts are there. It is what is called unstyled. This is the kind that isn't all covered in front. I looked it up. This is what he means. Styled on left.When I was looking for these pictures, I found an entire website about farm machinery called Farm Collector! Note to self: research shows with farm machinery. Anyhow, Jim told me that this show is the first one done by this organizer and it's pretty good. You get to be out of the weather and the entry fee is $45 (a little high by all accounts). There are only three classes: street rods, hot rods and motorcycles. Not many trophies. But all these guys don't seem to mind. In fact, I saw about 12 people at the awards ceremony in the Food Court.
This is a 1940 Cadillac Fleetwood. It must be what the master drives to work while the wife and kids go fishing in the Estate Wagon.
Hold Cowabunga! Another woodie! And this time, a pink more bubble gum than bubble gum. I have to put loads of pictures in here because it is so cool. This is Eileen (or Irene, I forget which) and Buddy. Buddy has a metal fabrication shop which is very handy in this hobby. I asked Buddy who picked the color. His daughter's prom dress was this pink. 
Buddy's done a lot of work on Miss Woodie. She has muscle car seats, air conditioning, and a radio (!!!). He had to replace her wood panels, but the frame was intact. Buddy had to hide an awful lot of stuff under the fenders and other secret spots because the doors have no insides. Ms. Woodie was originally from Narragansett and (?) Block Island, R.I. Can't you see her shuttling the kids to the sailboat? Buddy drove her all the way to Michigan for his kid's wedding. So sweet.
This is Heath the Patriots fan exhibit. He looks really bored. This is the end of a three day show for all these guys. I'm surprised they're still standing. Saw a spectator with a Bud. Must be how they do it.
This is Jim. He is a Navy veteran. There are two Marines at his table too. He is selling raffle tickets for a $500 gas card. To help the veterans and their families. He told me I could buy one for $1 or 10 for $5. Well I'm no math whiz (actually I am) but the $5 deal looked like the best one. Except I can barely write anymore what with all the typing, and I really couldn't stand to fill out all 10, with the name phone number etc. Jim said he'd do it for me. As I walked away he asked me when he could call me. After all, he did have my number.
This is Ernie or Mark. I remember Ernie, but there is a random note about Mark in my little cheat book. This is his Ford. We had a really grand talk as he has been looking for a 1942 Ford grill. He knows that it is different from all the rest and he knows that there aren't many '42s. I showed him Woody's picture on the levee. He asked if I had one showing the front of the car. I didn't think I did but I did. We talked about Speedway water pumps and he explained to me what was wrong with the originals. The bushings deformed into an oval and that's why the coolant leaks. The new ones have a bearing in there.
Love this guy. Not only did he get away with a great license plate, but he found a better decal than the Calvin pissing one. Note snake is Ford.
This is Paul. He has a trailer business and sells about 500 a year mostly to people in New Jersey, New York, Pennsylvania, Delaware and Maryland, but has sold some in Texas. He has a whole lot of family working with him. His 23 year-old son and his daughter are taking over the business. They are very good and he and his wife could go scuba diving in Indonesia with only 2 emails. He saw some tiny seahorses and red clams with electric blue edges. 
Monster trucks! You ever seen these on TV? The noise is ridiculous, but it must be really cool to drive them.
Lots of these tall pretty girls posing for photos. They also sit for autographs so I guess I'm supposed to know who they are. Also supposed to know this guy with black racing suit because when I told him he must be tired after three days, he said yes with signing all those autographs and all. He gestured to a really tricked out car across the aisle.
They auctioned off the airbrush contest entries. They are on car hoods. The money goes to charity but I have no idea which one. I'm not sure they do either.The people at hot rod shows (at least this one) are much different than I expected. They are cool and very funny. Not at all scary. I'm wondering where the Latinos are. Must be a different show. Note to self: find Latino lowrider show. Wish I had a hot rod just to hang out. Here are a couple of really great shirts I encountered. One says Old Guys Rule It's All About The Ride. The other is for Sickie's Garage and you can get in on line. It says Our Quality Is As Low As Our Standards.
This is Miss t-shirts and stuff (end of the day, didn't ask her name). Along with two other guys she sells shirts and decals and stuff. The other two guys take the show on the road, but she has an eBay store. They sell more metal signs than anything else. They sold at least 25 of the Mother Road signs with a motorcycle and Route 66 on them. And lots of Three Stooges signs. I didn't see them, but I take their word for it. They must have sold them all. It's absolutely amazing to me that everyone I ask to take a picture of says yes. No one has ever asked why. The eBay store (staffin-associates) has lots and lots of shirts. Her card featured Lucky 13, Rat Fink and Mr. Horsepower. I had to know what they look like. Here are some examples. If I'm not mistaken, the Rat Fink ones are for guys who build rat rods, you know, those rusty things.
She also has Holly and Hooker stuff. Ever seen Holly's World on TV? She was one of Hef's girlfriend on Girls Next Door. Holly and hooker? No brainer.
This is Mark or Ethan (I think, it's the end of the day). He sells discount Toyota parts. This is a good thing because I drive a Toyota Tacoma pickup. He gave me a coupon for the online store and a whole bunch of note pads and pens. Less for him to take back, he said. He then gave me his last aluminum car cup. This is Cody. He is the new graphic designer for Grundy insurance. The late Mr. Grundy took a sledge hammer to his car when he developed Alzheimer's so that no one else could drive it. Cody does not know this and I am not going to tell him.Came home with a raging case of delirium, like what you get when you're in the mall too long. The expo place is next to the King of Prussia Mall which is the second biggest one in the country (second to that hideous Mall of America that has a roller coaster or something in it). Must be second-hand mall disease. Thought about drinking Jalapeno wine. Thought better.
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