7:14 PM |
There have been lots of articles about Tastykake lately. But the one I like best is personal. The lovely young lady who cleans my house has a sister. Said sister used to clean my house until she went to pharmacy school in Florida. She got married last week in Florida. This is her wedding cake. If you look closely, you can see the Tastykake logo on the cake on the right, just sorta around the corner under LOVE. LOVE in that square shape is a very famous sculpture in Philadelphia. The Liberty Bell is famous too. So are cheesesteaks.
This couple (did I mention they live in Florida?) is so into Philly that this is their engagement photo. He has Desean Jackson's jersey on. Good choice. Really fast and talented wide receiver. She has Brian Dawkins'. Even better choice. He isn't an Eagle anymore, but he was the heart and soul of the team. My jersey that I have to wear to make the Eagles win is also Brian Dawkins'.
Tastykakes and the Eagles. My kind of wedding. But I will only get married again with an iron-clad prenup, 10 carats, and I get to keep my house. And Woody. True.
Yes I did. I have never, ever done that before. I'm freaked out, fortunately alive, and wary of ever driving again. Apparently other people have also done this. Tylenol has some stuff about that on its website. Tylenol? Maybe I should get a headache before I get in the car. Anyhow, The National Sleep Foundation says this:- 31% of all drivers have done it at least once
- At least 100,000 accidents happen
- At least 1,500 fatalities
- Those are really low estimates (might be 200,000 and 5,000)
- The accidents cost us more than $30 billion a year
$30 billion! That's a lota dough. Could buy 40,000 woodies for that. Tylenol tells me that I should take Tylenol PM so that I'm not sleepy. The site sends me to stuff on iSlumber.com. Link doesn't work. Google it. It is Tylenol's website.
The problem is, I wasn't sleepy. At all. It came out of the blue. There are two right turns at stop signs that you are allowed to forget about the stop sign and just go. This was the second no-stop stop sign. You can't see who's coming around the bend at 50 mph in the opposite direction. You have to pay attention.
Fortunately, I was driving my son's car and it has Driver Assist. Well not BMW Driver Assist that I have been looking for, but an even better kind in his used eBay Infiniti. The car ding dings when you go over the line. It ding dinged a lot. It woke me up just as I was headed into a huge ditch in front of the farm. I can get towed out of a ditch, but I can't get out of killing someone. Someone who's not me. Thank heavens it is a holiday weekend and no one was going the other way.
Go home and ask graduation boy what he ate for lunch at school. Nothing. Ask ex-husband what he ate at school. Only overlap is rice and edamame salad. Can you get something from edamame that doesn't make you throw up or, you know? Doubt it. It is a mystery. I like to solve things and I can't solve this. Tired of being at the age when everyone talks about their medical problems. Boy oh boy, this post sucks. Shoulda kept it to myself.
Note to self: reassess 400 HP BMW, get Infiniti crossover and driver.
That's what it said on the nursery's sign as I dashed to boarding school twice because the kid forgot his phone.
Ok, I hate blogs that document the writer's kids' boring things that the writer thinks are fascinating and no one else does. But I just must document the promothon (my kid's date's mom's term) or promorama (mine). Just for me. So that when my memory gets even worse than it is, I'll be able to call this up.
My son is going to two proms, his and hers. Since I don't get to have anything to do with either one of them, including seeing the happy couple in their fancy duds, I focus on flowers. The florist even called me a day in advance to inspect the corsages in case I want something changed. She does this because she knows that the girl is a keeper. Here are the corsages, all three of them. The pink one is coordinated to her dress which is multicolor and her mom couldn't quite describe it to me so she sent me the link to the store's online listing. It was indeed multicolored. Very groovy. I love these little plastic boxes. They remind me of my own prom. I was in the Little Theater which was the community place that did stuff like HMS Pinnafore and The Fantastiks. I was in The Music Man and also the junior prom committee. We had a performance that night so I was going to miss the prom. I hated all my classmates and they all hated me so I didn't really care (well only a little, okay I cared a lot). My theater friends were way cooler. Anyhow, a great looking college (!) guy told me he would take me to "that thing" when the show was over. He wore a powder blue tux with a ruffled shirt. I wore a polyester light blue thing that was, to tell the truth, a bit provocative given its slippery texture. We went late and everyone was astonished. My archrival with the pushy mother oohed and aahed over my double orchid corsage. From that time on, the flowers meant the success of the prom. Thus, my attention to Miss Sarah's flowers. This is my kid with corsages when we went back the next morning to pick them up. I could fix that complexion if he lived at home.
The kids were coming over between the two proms for lunch. I had some errands to do, but I passed the Jenkins Arboretum on my way. There was an iris show. I had never been to an iris show. It was too early to look but I couldn't come back so they let me peek in the room. The irises are very pretty. I have no idea what a winning iris looks like so I had to ask. This is Bill. Bill told me that grooming and cultivation are the two biggest things. Grooming means taking off all the dust with a q-tip and so on. Cultivation means you should have the things growing so that the stems are straight and the flowers in the right spot. 
This orange and purple one is not straight. It will not win but for all I know it could be a rare one or something which is why it is on the entryway table. This purple and white one is very straight, but even I can tell it needs grooming. I asked Bill if the peach ones are a new trend or something. No, they are not.
This one is special because it has all these branching stems. These are the serious iris lovers getting their flowers together. They are all in bottles with labels on them about the name of the entrant, the name of the iris and some more stuff that I couldn't read. I think they are grooming.
This is Denise and Nancy. Nancy does not garden. Her husband Bill (that Bill) does. She is on the membership drive. I joined the Delaware Valley Iris Society (who knew?) and I can come to the picnic when they give iris away. It was $25 to join both the national and local clubs.
On to fancy supermarket for lunch stuff. Kid asked me if I could make lunch. I'm not sure I know how, as he only eats pizza. He suggests paninis because he can make a grilled cheese. Here in Pennsylvania, we have state liquor stores. You cannot buy alcohol anyplace else except for beer which you can buy in a six-pack or a case or a keg from your local bar or a "beverage distribution center" which also sells soda and potato chips. They don't need decor because you just want the beer and to get out of there to drink it. So here I am in the supermarket and there is this vending machine for wine! I guess this is the substitute for all those cigarette machines we used to have. Remember those? They had chrome fronts with a slot for the quarter and then these white knobs that you pulled. Not that I would know. I wonder if the state still makes the profit on the wine or if the supermarket gets some.Got on checkout line. I hate to shop on the weekend because everyone else has to so it's too busy. Made strategic decision on which checkout line to use. Girls are usually a little faster with packing, but some of the guys take it pretty seriously. Did you ever get behind someone with so much stuff in the cart and it keeps coming out like clowns from the car? Doesn't matter. Through my lengthy research, I have deduced that it isn't the number of items, it's the number of payments that have to be made. It's pretty much the same time to check out someone with one item and someone with 30. Really. Try it. Anyhow, I picked a girl with only one lady ahead of me. I had local strawberries. She wasn't sure what to ring up. She finally found strawberries on that lookup list that they have and punched in the number. She then needed to enter quantity. She paused. She faultered. She winced and punched in 1. It charged $4.99 so she knew it was right. It's a good thing, she said, I really didn't want to count all those berries. She was serious. I can't make this up.
Drove back to boarding school with phone. Miss Sarah thought I'd like to see them dressed up. I told you she's a keeper. All the couples were posing for pictures in the Headmaster's garden. The girls wore dresses just like on Glamour Belles but maybe with a little less sparkles. Just a little. I wonder what happened to Glamour Belles? Two weeks then nothing. I suppose you have to be a toddler with a tiara to get renewed. Pervs. (and me!)
It will be a long time until Lila Rae's prom. Thank goodness.
Still looking for Captain Bill's shirt with the crabs on the sleeves. There are a million Deadliest Catch t-shirts, including this glow-in-the-dark one:
This art is sort of like the one I'm looking for and I like it anyway, but I have to have Captain Bill's exact same shirt.
I can't find an actual website just for the actual Kodiak. Everybody else is making money on this shit. What is Captain Bill thinking?
This art is sort of like the one I'm looking for and I like it anyway, but I have to have Captain Bill's exact same shirt.
I can't find an actual website just for the actual Kodiak. Everybody else is making money on this shit. What is Captain Bill thinking?
I am.
Finally got the redundant XM I bought in December for the roadtrip installed in my pickup. First song: Mellow Yellow by Donovan. Second song: Yellow Balloon by The Fifth Dimension. Besides the obvious yellow theme, there is the secret football code. Donovan McNabb was the Eagles quarterback for a long time until he got traded to Washington and sucked. His number was 5. Been on a weeklong Eagles Touchdown Sundae ice cream binge. I do not ignore the signs. Wish Michael Vick would get his shit together. Pray for end of lockout.
Had to settle for Deadliest Catch, which is totally not a bad thing. Hope that Eagles games are never on at the same time (or season) as Deadliest Catch. I know I can tape one, but I don’t know where my allegiances lie, and there is a karma thing there. You know, I can influence the outcome of the game by wearing my personalized jersey with Brian Westbrook’s number on it. Worst thing they ever did, trading Brian Westbrook.
So here I am, viewing captions in the intro:
Six Weeks: Physical Pain, Mental Anguish, The Breaking Point.
Groovy Bon Jovi song. Something in Dutch Harbor. Sig with lit piercing eyes. Let me save you the trouble: Everybody apologizes to everybody else and there is love and good humor. That’s the episode in a nutshell.
Here's some details:
The Cornelia Marie is having more drama and drugs. Everyone is quitting, but Captain Derrick has his suspicions. He finds weed and tin foil pipe and ashes and Febreeze (called “air freshener” but we all know it is Fabreeze) in the engine room. I was going to say he was doing the CSI thing, but he said it himself. Jake is a pathological liar because he wouldn’t fess up to the pot. This puts Captain Derrick’s license at risk. Jake tells the captain that he should pack his bags (or was it Josh that said that) and that he is going to try anything because he’s embarrassed about this trip. Captain Derrick calls the Coast Guard to get someone arrested at the dock. We all know this will be Jake, but maybe it will be a surprise. Captain Derrick is finishing this trip with his head held high. He did everything he was paid to do. Jake takes off before cops get him. Needs to have a blood test or a urine to prove it. Bar guy had called cab for him. Blue Checker takes him to airport. Cops catch him. Jake says it was someone else. He will not take drug test., that it is harassment. Cop lets him go but will search his stateroom. If Jake takes any drugs he will go to jail. Miserable off-load. Officer Kelly comes back from airport. Captain Derrick still knows there was pot. He has seen drugs a lot. Jake is free to go. Cornelia Marie not going out again. Captain Derrick is not happy. Fuck this boat. Fuck this crew. C’est la vie, Derrick, says Jake. Poignant music. No one likes to fail. Plane takes off.
Geico commercial. Not the one with the woodchucks. Ron the Hun likes that one. He also likes the Kia hamsters “you can give her this or you can give her that”. That's my favorite commercial. I actually have a draft post on these that I didn’t finish this January. Anyhow, the commercials are targeted to a specific buying audience and it’s a fun game to add up the commercials and see who’s watching the show. From insurance to antacids, it seems that people who wish they could do risky things but get heartburn thinking about it are watching.
Northwestern continues to suck. Prospecting for 15 miles with no luck. They need patience, Sig says. Jake and Edgar still fighting. Sig says that Edgar has a knack for pissing people off. They’re a bunch of friggin’ kids. Edgar peeks out with sign for Jake:
Im sorry
and I
still love you
It’s like a therapy session sometimes, says Sig. All’s good and some crab starts to turn up. Jake says “you only hurt the ones you love,” and everybody’s back to the same old crew. Triumphant music and more crabs. Jake is the “worst crane driver God ever made.” Edgar wants to teach Jake everything so he can get off the boat already. He has been trying to do this for a while, and at the end of last season we were led to believe that he actually would quit. There’s hope for Jake yet.
Skipper Bill on the Kodiak is a rock star but short of deckhands. One fucked up from accident and one quit/was fired (temporarily). Hard for crew. They hurt. It’s getting dicey. It can take three times as long. Hurt deckhand Jake is going to work anyhow. Skipper still has great crab shirt on. Note to self: get damn shirt already. He would be tearing this place up if he had five instead of three on deck. Adam said that there could be trouble with steering. Whatever happened to motivate not alienate, says the skipper. Adam says sorry. Captain Bill says me too. They sing Kumbaya. Everyone back on deck. “I love you guys, I really do,” says Captain Bill with a joking voice. Fishing is fun again. It’ s been a hell of a gig. You guys have been amazing. Almost more than I could expect. A love fest all around. Good crabbing. Karma. It’s raining crab. Fifty year old deckhand Eric’s foot really, really hurts because he’s been doing this for 32 years. He is crying. Putting foot on frozen turkey breasts.
Nationwide Insurance. Axe gel. Getting some hair action. Arby’s. Bass Pro. You can get good deals on utility boxes. Southwest with guy wrapped up in red tape on baggage carousel. Mazda. Are you one of the few? Wells Fargo has eaten up Wachovia and they want you to do something with them when you’re ready. The Accord is The One. Okay, we are now people that buy cars, go on vacation, use a bank and maybe try to have hair that is like you used to have it before it got kinda, well, reduced.
Ramblin’ Rose. Crew is late. Captain Eliott is losing his patience. He is not happy. Plan is to sleep less because they are lethargic anyhow. No eating. First pot, line broke. Lost the pot which is expensive because the pot is expensive and they don’t know how much crab went down with it. Deckhand says it’s bad luck especially since the leader is the worst. Bad weather. Bad fishing. Morale low. “He will grind you into dirt, scoop you up and throw you away.” Boy oh boy, all these crews are getting pissy tonight. The boats are not a democracy, says Captain Eliott. Kado smacked his face on the coiler (not on purpose). Skipper will shoot him up with cortisone, morphine, whatever he needs. Just missed eye and is kinda bloody but Captain Eliott says “you ever had a mosquito bite?” Crabbers are tough. Weather still bad so shuts down. Sandwiches. Naps. Not naps, going to bed.
Dirty Jobs guy (narrator of Deadliest Catch, too, isn’t that a conflict of interest or something?) for Ford. Dunkin Donuts coffee. Snapple with real sugar. More Ford. Stop Repair Bills. Gerber whole life insurance “Gerber Grow Up Plan.” We now need sugar and caffeine, just like our teenagers. And don’t forget the insurance. We wouldn’t want to have anything happen. We just watch it.
Seabrooke still rock star.
Prilosec again. Calvin Johnson undresses (!) and redresses. Acura is aggression in its most elegant form. I like that. If you do not know who Calvin Johnson is, shame on you. Devry. Monkey on guy’s head for dandruff shampoo. On-line schools. Schools that take the least amount of time. Bill Schaeffer co-inventor of Splash Wash had an idea. Bill Schaeffer made a financial gain which is not typical and most inventions are not successful. We are now flaky-scalped suckers.
Next commercial break: Sta-bil! I use Sta-bil in Woody. It does some kind of magic stuff to make crappy gas okay. Chevy. More hair action. More Arby’s. RV insurance from Geico.
Now for my favorite song:
My internet upload (or is it download? the other way works) speed is 0.001 mps. This means it is not working. I had another router delivered and nothing. Went through whole service wait on the phone thing and still nothing. They are sending a tech. In the meantime, I have to use my very expensive Verizon hotspot to connect. Hmmmmm.... Will catch up as much as possible.
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