Assault & Batteries

9:45 PM | | Edit Post

The battery on the Ghost is not charging. My GPS won’t work. Remember Road Trip One? I think I have an unusual magnetic field around my person. This month I have replaced one Audi battery, two Ford batteries and one John Deere battery. Let us pray that I have not permanently put the Ghost battery on hold.

I Luv Heart of What?

11:38 PM | | Edit Post
Here we are on some other time zone and I am getting up at 6 a.m. because I just can't sleep past 9. This is Bree. Her real name is Briana. She works in the lobby coffee place that serves Starbucks but you can't use Starbuck's gift cards there. Bree remembers what you ordered yesterday. This is a big deal because there are a zillion guests here and I bet a lot of them drink coffee. Waited until 8:30 in the lobby til finally called rest of group about breakfast and will it ever occur. Yes, it did. They didn't tell me. Went to breakfast by myself which is fine by me. Problem was, waiter never came to my table. Not with coffee (which I would have declined anyway), not with orange juice (ditto), not even with water. Hell, I would have settled for a small crumb on a salad plate. Desperate, I place my order with the hostess. She was surprised, but hey, I got my huckleberry pancakes with Mrs. Butterworth's syrup. Opted for warm huckleberries. The pancakes were kinda lousy.

After a brief peek at the lake, joined the club waiting for their cars to be unloaded. The truck driver is very Mission Impossible, with cool hair, black clothes, and black leather gloves. All these cars are coming from Cleveland where they had been rounded up for god only know’s what reason. There is a mysterious orange street rod in the back of one of the three trailers. I want to drive that. 

Meanwhile a few miscellaneous Rolls Royce Silver Ghosts are being driven off the other trailer. 



We are stuck behind the mysterious orange rod. It is being started. It sounds very good. It also has really jazzy bumper thingies. Problem is the assistant who can’t get it in reverse. They had to push it out. Shoulda just asked me.

Here is a gallery of useful Ghost accessories. I can bet that the guys who have the  fuel cans will be very happy and the rest of us will be desperate. I also like the custom luggage and nifty horns.


Finally we are unloaded. Running and put into reverse properly by Mr. Mission Impossible. There are sponge marks all over it. Something leaked on it during transport but Mr. Mission Impossible doesn’t mention it. It’s not too much of a problem for us, though, because our paint is original. That means it is not shiny anyhow. You know, anyone can get a new paint job but not many can get original paint. So there.

I rode on the running board (I guess I should be running, not riding) to the front of The Coeur D’Alene Resort and dragged our luggage out. We will not have to carry it anymore on the trip because there is a baggage truck. I did a very good job packing and have only a tiny groovy suitcase. This is the luggage. This is not me.

This is Brandon. He took the luggage upstairs for me. What you can’t see is that Brandon is wearing knickers with argyle socks. They are very fond of plaid and argyle in CdA. I think this is a let’s-pretend-to-be-St. Andrews kin of thing. Brandon tells me that it is very busy beginning in May and no, he doesn’t know why they don’t promote the three ski slopes nearby.









Parked in the garage. Lots of cars having problems already. This is the way it happens. All the time. We will have excitement. 






 This is Debbie. Debbie sells organic and outdoor clothing. I needed a jacket. I found a stupid car Hawaiian shirt for my dad’s 90th. It is okay because it is covered in woodies. Also a t-shirt that says Old Guys Rule and some comment about being woody.  While I was waiting for Debbie to finish wrapping the shirts, I continued to shop. After a few tops, I told Debbie she should check everyone out slowly so that they’ll mill around and buy more. This is the Idaho mural Debbie has in her store.




This is Sue. She works in the MaryJanes Farm store. MaryJane Butters is the farm Martha Stewart. She lives in Moscow, Idaho. I have never heard of her. But I should have.






This is what is in MaryJanes Farm store. It is a teardrop trailer with a skylight. It also has a cooler. And the lights look awfully familiar: they are Ford lights.
 And see what else this trailer is: For Sale! For $14,425. I want it. I need it. You get to visit MaryJane if you buy it. Maybe I can get my imaginary boyfriend to buy it for me. Oops, fired the imaginary boyfriend. Note to self: get new imaginary boyfriend. With money.


In case you don't know anything about teardrops, they do not have plumbing. More specifically, they do not have toilets. They do have sinks. And camp stoves. In the pic above, the sink is under the dress. There are also cooking utensils. You have to go to a campground with these puppies unless you can do without a shower and don't mind peeing in the woods or the side of the road. MaryJane's Limited Edition Trailer can be customized. I can get it in the same color as Woody! 

Sue told me you can also stay at MaryJanes even if you don't buy a trailer. She has a Bed and Breakfast and in this case that is pretty much all it is. You have to use the outhouse and stay in a tent. But oh what a tent!
At MaryJanes store, you can buy rather shabby chic but in a good way sheets and comforters. I would like to buy some for that room I never get finished. You can also buy books MaryJane writes. I bought one. But lookey here! MaryJane also has magazines. And this is what is on two covers: Not Your Daddy's Tractor, and I Know My Tractor's Sexy. MaryJane loves farm equipment! Note to self: subscribe to MaryJanes Farm magazine right now.

Whew! It is hard moving on from MaryJanes. This is Janice. She can’t find out about getting Queen size duvet covers for me until Jenny comes in which will be tomorrow. She is having a baby in 4 to 5 weeks and needs her time off.







This is Patty. I called her Peggy. She said she’d answer to Peggy. That is the kind of woman Patty/Peggy is. Patty/Peggy works at a fabulous sorta western sorta not antique place. They have a Rose Bowl football that was given to President Nixon and that his sons used to play with in water polo. It has substantial documentation and costs $20,000. They also have a western show costume. It was made in Philadelphia and costs a lot. Patty/Peggy has a lot of Beacon blankets. I asked her what Beacon blankets are. You can read about them in a book that features the shop a lot. It was okay if I looked through it. Beacon blankets used to be called Indian blankets but that is a problem these days so they are called Beacon blankets. Patty/Peggy had them on her beds at a camp her family had. They washed them and put them out to dry. They got a bit stiff. I picked out a blanket that is also kind of stiff, although it is pretty soft to me. I asked Patty/Peggy when it was made. They made Beacon blankets from the turn of the century until the ‘40s (I think). Mine is probably about 1920 and has been rebound. Beacon blankets are 50% off today so I only paid $100. It is a beautiful Woody color and green and I will put it in Woody when I get home. It will keep Lila Rae warm.






This is a candy store Indian.










This is Hudson’s Hamburgers. Sue told me to go there. Hudson’s has been serving hamburgers since 1907. You can get hamburgers and pie there. And nothing else.  The only options are pickle or onion. No lettuce or anything fancy. They cook hamburgers at a little tiny grill that has been there since the beginning. They also use a lot of ground chuck. They put it in the pan 10 pounds at a time. I asked how many hamburgers have been sold. About a million. 


I ordered a hamburger and a Pepsi. The Pepsi is in a good solid glass. You sit at a counter at Hudson’s. If it is too busy, you get take out. 











This is Von (or Van or Vaughn). He knew the guy’s father. Von says this guy is too slow slicing pickles. His father was better. When was the last time you saw someone slicing pickles? I thought they just grew sliced. Von is waiting for 4 burgers to take to eat lunch with his son who works somewhere across town. Von is a fount of knowledge. He knows that Hudson’s served about 900 hamburgers last Friday up until he got there at 3 o’clock.


Von eats at Hudson's a lot. They have three squeeze bottles of stuff there: spicy mustard, spicy ketchup and regular ketchup. Von suggests the spicy ketchup which is kind of pink. His wife buys it by the bottle and uses it on just about any kind of meat. I bet it would be a good salad dressing, too. You know why they make spicy ketchup? Because in the depression people would come in and make tomato soup out of the regular ketchup.

My hamburger comes. It is just like the kind your mom made, not too plump but full of flavor. Good. 







I also want pie. Von says he’d rather eat a few more hamburgers than pie. I ask  the counter guy (there are two plus the cook) which one is best. He shows me a kinda cheesecake one. I already know that whatever he says, I’ll still have the coconut cream. Ask Von where they get their pies. A private place. They changed two or three years ago but made sure to keep the consistency the same.

This is Tessa. Tessa says that she serves a whole bunch of tourists and asks if I am from CdA. At that moment, I wish I were. She has mostly regulars. I want to be a regular. Tessa is 43 days from leaving for Europe for six weeks. She will start in Ireland. Just like me, she says.







Back at the ranch... The car group wanted to go on the boat tour of Lake Coeur d’Alene. It is one of the 100 most beautiful lakes in the world. My 90 year-old father decided half way along the walk that he couldn’t go because he couldn’t walk that far. This is true. I walked up to a random guy in a dark blue SUV and asked if he belonged to this place. Well, corporate. Okay, can you take my 90 year-old father to the boat? He will. Turns out he is Brad . He owns the place. All of it. We are to tell them that he said they should give dad a ride back too. While the shuttle occurs, I went to the boat.
 The boat across the dock looks like much more fun. I asked this guy if he is a pirate. He said he is the Pirate Captain. I should go on a ride, he said. No really, we have adult rides on Friday and Saturday with unlimited rum drinks provided. Captain Pirate invited me aboard to see the board games. Here is one of them. Beer pong. I like this boat already. The rest of the crew is waiting to entertain the folks that require crayons on the table.



The cruise of Lake Coeur D’Alene was a very long real estate infomercial. It started explaining that Coeur d’Alene means heart of… What? Heart of what? I can’t hear over cocktails. Note to self: look up what Alene means. The houses are very nice, but I like the older, smaller rustic ones best. 


Here’s what I learned:

The lake is   100 feet on average with 220 max
Fort Sherman is on one of the community colleges
They usually get 27” of rainfall a year
The winter temperature is 70s to 80s
The summer temperature is 30s to 40s
Whoops, summer and winter temperatures mixed up
There was a mining boom
There was a flood on the water sorta and a guy named Oscar Mooney with a tugboat saved the landmark restaurant
They have marine mail service
A really big impressive boat is not here, even though the recorded guide says it is
There are a lot of steamships that used to work on the lake and now sit on the bottom of the lake One had a Viking funeral in 1920-something. I think it was the fourth of July.
There was an Enlarged Homesteader Act
3 Mile Point is three miles from downtown
Wayatt Earp lived in Idaho
The wood on the lake was used for matchsticks and a bunch of other stuff
You have to go up a lot of steps from the water to your house if you live on the west side of the lake

Also, you can play golf on a course with a floating island as a green. They can move the island so that the distance from the tee is from between 75 and 175 feet. You have to take a little boat back when you are done. There have been three or four holes in one on the island. 200,000 to 300,000 balls are retrieved from the lake, like every day or something. This means that most people don’t even make the green. 


Got off the boat. Shave Ice! This is CdA, not Hawaii. Nevertheless, this is a good thing. This is Elena. She is enjoying her shave ice in multiple flavors. 







This is Brooke. She likes working here because her friends all work there and it’s fun. She worked here last year too. You can get dragon blood flavor which is kinda strawberry. I got pina colada with cream. This is it.









I sat at a metal picnic table and watched the lake. This is Elijah. Elijah’s mother is covered with straight scars. I think she is or was a cutter. She must be under a load of stress. Elijah’s grandfather was there too. He has 18 grandchildren, all but 5 of them boys. I asked how he keeps track of them all. He said he calls them Hey You if he needs to. I tell him that I say Buddy, as in How’re you doing Buddy? Elijah has a missing bottom tooth. He is six and he pulled it out all by hisself and didn’t even cry. Elijah is tough. Elijah’s mother told him he could only put one hand in the water. He did. Plus his feet. And then his bottom. The water is not too cold for him, he said.




And next weekend is the Iron Man thing. There will be 2,000 participants.  Two mile swim. 112 mile bike ride. Marathon. That's 2,000 crazy people if you ask me.

Went to tour cocktail party and dinner send off. Sat next to wacky woman talking about the evils of acidic diets. I thought she was drunk. Someone else told me no, she's always this way. It'll be an interesting trip.
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