11:24 PM |
Why are we all not getting laid enough? On Sunday mornings, I like to read Lisa Scottoline's column in the Philadelphia Inquirer. She writes lots of books but I haven't read any. I just think she's a riot. I suppose she isn't very funny in her books because they are those thrillers that are called things like Devil's Corner, Moment of Truth, Everywhere Mary Went, Think Twice and Save Me. Well Ms. Scottoline, I think I can save you.
Her column this week involved apps. One of them wakes you up when you are moving most. You put your laptop between the mattress and boxspring. Problem is, she has a bunch of pets and it measures them moving around. "But enough about the movement in my bed. In fact, there's not enough movement in my bed, of late. Think there's an app for that?"
Her column this week involved apps. One of them wakes you up when you are moving most. You put your laptop between the mattress and boxspring. Problem is, she has a bunch of pets and it measures them moving around. "But enough about the movement in my bed. In fact, there's not enough movement in my bed, of late. Think there's an app for that?"
Why yes there is. Have you ever seen how many vibrating apps there are? I was seriously scarred for life when I saw two of them on my 70 year-old step mother's iPad. It seems that iPads don't vibrate under any circumstances so people who by them for that method of delivery will be disappointed. Also doesn't work on iTouch (a bit ironic, that touch thing). That makes me feel better unless of course it was just synching with her phone. iPhone users are delighted.
You get no results when you search for vibrate in the AppStore application. You get lots when you go to iTunes. I have discovered 35 apps that vibrate, excluding the ones for games (although maybe those count). They are listed under Health & Fitness (13), Entertainment (6), Lifestyle (6), Medical (1), and Utilities (7). Remote Masseuse is the one listed under Medical. Hmmm. Wonder which is the most appropriate. All of the above? In the same search, I ran into Sweet Feet which is pictures for foot fetishists and Door Stop which lets you play with that springy thing that keeps your door from hitting the wall.
You can pretty much tell who buys what by not only the reviews but the other apps they buy.
You can pretty much tell who buys what by not only the reviews but the other apps they buy.
Allinson - Vibrate Other apps: Google Search I suppose you have to do a search to figure out what/who Allinson is (Wikipedia says a brand of flour) |
| Body Massage Stress Relief Other apps: Fish Fingers! Fireworks Toy Harried mother of toddler |
| Body Massager It works But will it get the job done? That's up to you! Other apps: Convert-O-Matic, Bocce Calc, Erasmos Clock Snarky physics major |
| Cherry Blossom Massage If this were downloaded from the web, I'd think it was a virus if u want an app to drain your battery this is the app to do it!!!! Other apps: Item Shelf, Off Remote, Epicurious, Amazon Mobile Lawyer and neglected wife in McMansion |
| Finger Tingles It only lasts 30 seconds what r gonna do wit that? My phone just became my new best friend! Omg..My butt is still sore Other apps: AbbStore, Calorie Counter, Lifesaver An equal opportunity app |
| Hot Massage nobody gives a fuck |
| iBrate Me Probably better off buying the real thing Other apps: MAC Address, Get It! Not sure if real thing is a vibrator or a hooker |
| iBrate Vibrate dude i use it on my kitten and it fell asleep real fast amazing Other apps: Glee Karaoke, Mini Touch Golf Cat lady of the future |
| iBrater Oh ya…feels good on my junk too I love it mostly between my legs but up the butt is good I'm a lesbian so its all good Other apps: Justin Bieber Fun Facts Preteens "experimenting" |
| iBuzzYou No one gives a fuck about this one either |
| iMassageMe It's a massager. Not a vibrator… Other apps: Lexicomp Medical, Turkish Koran Clueless foreign med student |
| iMassager |
| iMassageU iTingles Nobody gives a... |
| IQ Vibrate Other apps: Draw & Stamp Lite, iBanner! Cheerleader who thinks she'll do super! on her PSATs |
| IVibrate it has a vibrating person on the screen Other apps: Off Remote, Zillow Tired real estate agent working in Florida, Las Vegas or Arizona |
| iVibrateMe Got the party started! This is Awesome !!!! Even my girlfriend get ORGASM while using this vibrator.!! This is an amazing application. I totally love it. My girlfriend uses my phone more than I do :) Any time any place! Forget F Street ladies!!! This is all ya need now! Even nice girls love it and it really works! Great for those Boring commutes or when the kids finally get off to school @ you get some time to yourself... Other apps: Gilt, JCPenney Weekly Deals Cougar and servicer |
| iVibro Pro Other apps: Dictionnaire, Delivery Status Heartsick American with French Pen Pal |
| Massage Me Kinda like my ex Other apps: Calorie Counter Wannabe cougar |
| Massage Relax Touch not strong enough for THAT area…for me anyway… |
| MossBuzz Other apps: Lifesaver Submit, Eye Chart |
| My vibrate Other apps: FirePlace, Spawn, Ghost Radar |
| Mybrater No one... |
| myMassage this little gem really helps put the spark back into my long stressful days. When I need to mix it up I really like that you can shake the phone for a different beat. I also like that this icon is a bit more discrete on my screen than some of the others. I would have gotten a bigger tickle by tossing a buck out of a speeding car! Other apps: Paintbook, SkyWriter, Draw It! Pocket Massager Pro Simple, clean and it works Other apps: Eye Chart, Calorie Counter Probably me- it's a hygiene thing |
| Remote Masseuse (I can't understand a single thing written about it - must be in math) Other apps: Lifesaver, Eye Chart Myopic math club president |
| Seismic Vibrations Other apps: Ghost Radar, iSpy Cameras, Spawn |
| Sports Massager No one has a clue what this does |
| UltraVib I've seduced many beautiful women with this app. However, it resulted in my iPhone becoming "water damaged" Guy with small dick |
Vibrating Massager Gives me soooo much pleasure. I don't need my husband anymore. My grandma love it !!! Water Scape, Lexicomp, Koran Vibrating Massager (99 cent version) my girlfriend loves it-can you make a scarecrow version Other apps: turkish koran and Eye Chart Pro Naughty optometrist playing dress up So, Lisa (we are on a first name basis now that we are discussing matters of the nether lands), shall we compare notes? After all, my imaginary boyfriend has a bit of a, uh, problem in this area. Massage Me sounds like a good choice for you because of Thing Two. You know who I mean. [Sorry for the weird formatting. I can't figure out how to fix it and I'm too tired to learn.] |