9:14 PM |
This is a 1924 Rolls Royce. I am going to be the relief driver for nearly 30 days. That's about the length of my Woody road trip. We are starting in Idaho. I love Idaho. I had a niece-in-law who was invited to a costume party at which each couple would be representing a state. Said niece and now-husband were Idaho. She dressed like Mrs. Potato Head, with the smile on her belly. She has a belly on which one can paint and still be hot. Her now-husband wore a dress and a wig and lipstick and so on. Many men dress as women on Halloween, so this is not much of a surprise. The Idaho was. Now-husband said "I da Ho." Pretty clever, eh? Anyhow, I will be driving from Idaho up through Canada and back down again. All the cars will be Rolls Royces. I'm presuming old. The cars, not the people. Oops, come to thinks of it, the people will be old too. Except me as I am 51 and as you will remember am attractive to young men who watch too much older woman porn. You're only as old as your date. I wish I had a date to this road trip. I have my 90 year-old father and his wife. For three meals a day plus assorted pissiness.
In order to be the relief driver, I need to know how to drive the thing. I drive lots of things. How hard can it be? Well, let me tell you that it is hard. Very hard. As in I don't even want to practice because it is so hard. I will learn on the road, in the mountains. This is what it looks like when you are practicing driving with said 90 year old father shouting commands from the back seat and son being rather groovy for a change, sitting in front with me and telling me "that was a good one" when I shifted without grinding the gears senseless. The Rolls is right-hand drive so this pic looks sorta backward as my son took it from the left hand seat. As usual, I cannot reach the pedals, so I use my custom-made black leather booster seat.Father's wife wanted me to bring my GPS to try it out in the Rolls. I know that Woody doesn't have power, so I don't know how a 1924 Rolls would have it, and I also know that the GPS has a range of three miles after it has taken you to a god forsaken place (see road trip, West Virginia). Well, the Rolls has a secret cigarette lighter hidden under the front seat. Or some Rolls does. Turns out that there is no cigarette lighter at all. Was sent to get cigarette lighter to be wired in. Radio Shack has nice duplex splitters but had no idea what I meant. Looked for auto parts store. After going around and around via Dairy Queen, found auto parts store. Asked guy behind counter. Guy went back into those rows of bins that have stuff you want but you have to ask pretty please to get. And you have to know what you want. I love hardware stores in general because you can check out a lot of stuff you didn't know you couldn't live without. No such luck at the auto parts store. Anyhow, counter guy came back with three types of cigarette lighters. No idea which one is the right one. Took them all. One turned out to be the right one.
