9:04 PM |
This is a Buick Lacrosse. Buick is the most popular car make in China. I know this because I just had lunch with someone who knows this. I think. Note to self: look up popular car makes in China. I also know what a Buick Lacrosse is because I have been driving one. And driving one. And driving one. Not near the ocean. I have been driving a red Buick Lacrosse from nowhere to my own nowhere. And boy has it been an interesting drive.
I had the good fortune to be invited to brunch at Nemacolin (which is in the middle of nowhere) by private jet. The trip took about 40 minutes. Pretty cool. I know that the pilot was unsure if he could land on the short strip, but he is a very good pilot. This plane is what should land there. We were not that plane. We did land on the strip. And then we landed in the mud. Well, one wheel of the landing gear did.
This is the place with the landing strip right behind it. Right behind. And we were the afternoon's entertainment. They tried boards. They tried backhoes. Many hours later, I heard that they tried air bags. A towing company had them. Unbelievably enough, this has happened two other times in the last year. Think they'd modify the strip, huh? People were glued to the glass checking it out. To make matters more interesting, the seal on the plane looks like Air Force One, but the eagle is holding a martini and an iPhone. No one really looks that closely though.
Fortunately, we had brunch while most of this happened. This is Lautrec. It looks pretty much like the picture but more decorative and less bordello. We had a private room. The service was awful, so it was good it was the fanciest buffet I've every had. Ate an entire plate (dinner plate size plate) full of tiny desserts. Listened to guest of a guest (who may not bring guests) drop so many names I spent half the meal picking them up. There was no room for other conversation which was a shame as this was the debut of son's new girlfriend.
This is said girlfriend and said son. The sign in the lobby says Expect The Unexpected. Well, now we know that they aren't kidding. No marketing fluff here. Which brings us back to the red Buick Lacrosse. We had to drive home. Five and a half hours. We also had a (small) SUV that we rented at the airport in Morgantown 40 minutes away. I thought I knew this airport. I did. It is near the Greenbrier. Shoulda just stayed there for the night and had lemon cake and finger bowls. But no. We were driving. Guest of guest asked what the SUV was. It was a Mitsubishi something or other. He was going to be crippled, he moaned. That will teach him to be a guest of a guest. When I saw the red Buick Lacrosse in the Hertz parking space H-9, I quickly got in, snagged the two wee ones, and hit the road. What I knew, that guest of guest and rest of crew didn't, was that the red Buick Lacrosse was twice the size of Mitsubishi SUV. The three of us flew the coop.
Five and a half hours with two teenagers can be a nightmare. For me, it was not. Son needed to pee. Exits few and far between. Gas station in sight from highway. Stop. I waited in the car in the spaces marked DO NOT PARK HERE. Turns out that half the place is a bar. A mini-mart with a bar. Cool idea. Note the outhouse in rear. Girlfriend said bathroom was dirtiest ever. I smiled. Hit the highway. Next exit a beautiful visitors center with clean bathrooms. I stopped and had myself a nice clean pee, with actual toilet paper and even paper towels! The soda machine even gave us an extra Diet Coke by mistake. It pays to know your visitors centers.
Back on the road. Easy sailing. Put in half tank (half tank! for a 5+ hour drive) of gas. Drop red Buick Lacrosse at private airport and drove The Beast home. The Beast is my new BMW. It is too much car for me and I love it. But I have to say that given my experience with the red Buick Lacrosse, the Chinese know a thing or two about cars.