8:13 PM |
Deadliest Catch. I have been concerned that the enjoyment has gone from watching my favorite TV show while writing about it. So I tried for two weeks to really pay attention to what is going on. And you know, it's okay to write. So I have to give the really, really quick recap of the last two weeks.
- Hurricane
- Edgar really leaves before opilio season (will we see him again? I guess yes)
- Seabrooke continues to be rock star
- Josh and Jake are fucked but Jake passes pee test
- There are a lot more opilios in a trap than king crab (note to self: look up how many, on average, are in trap for each variety)
- Deckhands make same big $ on the Northwestern, even without Edgar (see, everyone's replaceable, except, of course, the late Captain Phil)
- Mr. Magoo is still good for Captains Johnathan (remembered the h this time) and what's his name (his brother)
- Captain Bill on the Kodiak has sort of fetching longer hair and no shirt with crabs up the sleeves (still can't find that fucking shirt)
- The Ramblin' Rose continues to be a dark-horse favorite, at least to me
- Time Bandit executes best trick ever on Sig-- a bunch of lit flying chinese lanterns in the dark-- you shoulda seen Sig's panic
- The good deck hand from the Cornelia Marie moved to another boat (can't remember which) because he didn't make any money during king crab
And that is all you need to know about what happened. Honest injun. Well, maybe I coulda gone into a bit more detail if I could remember it. Not going to bother rewatching recordings, but can't bear to delete them. Haven't watched the greenhorns one yet.
Now for tonight's festivities. We pick up where the storm is really bad and most everybody does what any sane guy does in this case and it ain't fishin'. Not Sig. He is a tyrant. They are hauling pots while the ice covers the deck. Not great yield. Serves him right. Sig testy with cameraman because he has to pay attention here. Big suspense as big wave comes, just enough to mention frost-brewed Coors Light before that Bon Jovi song and Sig scary eyes. Massively big wave. Sorta dark. Dirty Jobs guy says 35 foot wave nearly shattered the windshield. Now Sig comes to senses. This ain't working. They will wait til daylight. Daylight? What about next week or something? You gotta know when to just stop, says Sig. He can't control it they way he wants to control it. Sig is all about control. Hmmm.... Never known him to just stop. We'll see. Still dark when we get back to him. See, I told you they wouldn't wait til morning. Oh, maybe it is morning and they don't have any sunlight up there. It is winter. Sig worried about not having Edgar on deck. He has to take his stomach pill. I wonder if that is Prilosec that is shilled by Captain Keith. Jake is scared. Sig says he's done it before. Running the crane, that is. Not so many crab. Interesting, Sig is asking if they are alright. When Edgar was there, Sig said they were alright and not to be such weenies about it. Well maybe he doesn't use the term weenies, but you get the idea. Without his leader (Edgar) Jake says no one to tell him boom down, knuckle in, don't worry. That's alright if it's flat calm, but this is about as bad as it gets. Sig smoking up a storm. Pissed at Jake at the hydros. Too many pot flings (my term). If Jake thinks he's all that, he's sorely mistaken, spits a riled up Sig. If you have 1500 pounds of swinging steel in the palm of your hand, you better be serious. I can relate! Woody is two tons of steel without power steering. I am brother in arms with Bering Sea fishermen!
Wizard beat to hell. Still heading straight for eye. Boards off deck. Hazard. Captain Keith deciding if to haul. Crew fixes deck in this shit. Waves coming with ominous music. Dammit. Keep hauling. Good pots. Sea gods like them, I say. Sea going from bad to dangerous. Lennie bonked head from out-of-control trap haul. Lennie needs to get off deck but won't. Captain Keith makes him come upstairs. Oops, more blood. Elbow. Everybody in. Can see Lennie's bone. Needs stiches. I'm not sure what they do in these cases. I know Jake pulled his own tooth with pliers a few seasons ago. Do they hand Lennie a needle and dental floss? Oh, and is it Lennie or Lenny? My TV still weirdly formatted with truncated captions. Lennie don't want no pain killer. Captain Keith will sew it up. Maybe six stitches. Oh, it's Lenny. Could see it then. Needle size of halibut hook. Pitching of boat makes it hard to sew. Lenny's a tough dude. Looks gnarly. Lenny still wants to throw shots. Captain Keith says may be worst suturing job ever but says will heal up in a few hours. Lenny doesn't know what to do with himself. This is frontier medicine says Captain Keith.
Captain Junior of the Seabrooke has pots on deck which is not a good thing because they get very heavy with ice and can tip the boat over. He may have to suitcase his pots. That means they just toss em over because they'll never get them back anyway. I like this term, suitcase. I do not like that Captain Junior may have to employ this term. They are riding the bull and the forecast is getting worse. Skipper is getting spooked, says deckhand. Putting on an awful lot of ice. They have to rip pots off as fast as they can. It is slick on deck (and on stack!). Need to get pots on ledge so that they don't go too deep and get lost to sea forever. Whew. First string down. Turn around. Still have 180 miles an hour.
New Captain Tony on Cornelia Marie. Came out of retirement to turn the operation around. He will be hero or zero, he guesses. First pot a jumbo! Paper plate with happy face in front window. Apparently Captain Phil used to do that. Captain Tony is rockin it, says Josh.
Time Bandit still doing nothing. Oh, Andy. That's the brother's name. Need to go out now. Eddie Junior, greenhorn, doesn't know if he can do this but he's doing it anyhow. I like Eddie Junior. He smiles a lot. It's probably Eddy. Oops. Have to check. Lots of crab. Eddy learns how to sort from his Dad. Huge wave. Hey Mike, are you okay Mike? Commercial. For beer. Good timing. Back to Time Bandit. Mike is hurt. Captain Andy needs his kit. Mike can't see because his face got whacked into metal sorting table. Captain Andy says sorry about that, dude. Mike says hey, it happens. Captain Andy puts suture take across Mike's eyebrow and offers aspirin. Geez, these guys are tough. Mike working again. If tape doesn't hold, Captain Andy will have to shave his eyebrow. Mike's, that is. Mother nature kicked him in the face, says Mike. Whack! Lots more crab. Big numbers. 1-6-0. Eddy Junior's teeth are hurting. He is hurling. His vision is going blurry. Turns out he has had an abscessed tooth for a couple of months. Captains did not know. Calling dentist. I hope that isn't Jake with his pliers. Checking blood pressure. 113 over 75. Keep drinking. I don't think they mean beer, but that would probably be a good idea. Shredded flag on bow. Eddy is going to pass out. Put him in his bunk. Going back to St. Pauls.
Seabrooke not a rock star! No crab. Time Bandit way ahead. Except for Ramblin' Rose, Northwestern has lowest crab count! That must be why Sig is taking his stomach pill. What is happening with the new guys? No crab? Seabrooke has easy, 100,000 pounds of ice. Ditching pots, but still dangerous because rest of the boat under 8 inches of solid eyes. Negative 65 degrees, with wind chill. Skin can freeze in 7 minutes. How come you don't see these guys with frost bite? On Everest, they get frost bite all the time, and its not that cold, and certainly not that wet. Need to break pots free of ice. Five minutes and door not even open. Have to take sledge hammer and beat rope and stuff from inside pot and then beat the rest of the pot to get the ice off. These guys will earn their money today, says Captain Junior. I don't think any of us viewers understand how heavy this stuff is. All pots down.
Now for tonight's festivities. We pick up where the storm is really bad and most everybody does what any sane guy does in this case and it ain't fishin'. Not Sig. He is a tyrant. They are hauling pots while the ice covers the deck. Not great yield. Serves him right. Sig testy with cameraman because he has to pay attention here. Big suspense as big wave comes, just enough to mention frost-brewed Coors Light before that Bon Jovi song and Sig scary eyes. Massively big wave. Sorta dark. Dirty Jobs guy says 35 foot wave nearly shattered the windshield. Now Sig comes to senses. This ain't working. They will wait til daylight. Daylight? What about next week or something? You gotta know when to just stop, says Sig. He can't control it they way he wants to control it. Sig is all about control. Hmmm.... Never known him to just stop. We'll see. Still dark when we get back to him. See, I told you they wouldn't wait til morning. Oh, maybe it is morning and they don't have any sunlight up there. It is winter. Sig worried about not having Edgar on deck. He has to take his stomach pill. I wonder if that is Prilosec that is shilled by Captain Keith. Jake is scared. Sig says he's done it before. Running the crane, that is. Not so many crab. Interesting, Sig is asking if they are alright. When Edgar was there, Sig said they were alright and not to be such weenies about it. Well maybe he doesn't use the term weenies, but you get the idea. Without his leader (Edgar) Jake says no one to tell him boom down, knuckle in, don't worry. That's alright if it's flat calm, but this is about as bad as it gets. Sig smoking up a storm. Pissed at Jake at the hydros. Too many pot flings (my term). If Jake thinks he's all that, he's sorely mistaken, spits a riled up Sig. If you have 1500 pounds of swinging steel in the palm of your hand, you better be serious. I can relate! Woody is two tons of steel without power steering. I am brother in arms with Bering Sea fishermen!
Wizard beat to hell. Still heading straight for eye. Boards off deck. Hazard. Captain Keith deciding if to haul. Crew fixes deck in this shit. Waves coming with ominous music. Dammit. Keep hauling. Good pots. Sea gods like them, I say. Sea going from bad to dangerous. Lennie bonked head from out-of-control trap haul. Lennie needs to get off deck but won't. Captain Keith makes him come upstairs. Oops, more blood. Elbow. Everybody in. Can see Lennie's bone. Needs stiches. I'm not sure what they do in these cases. I know Jake pulled his own tooth with pliers a few seasons ago. Do they hand Lennie a needle and dental floss? Oh, and is it Lennie or Lenny? My TV still weirdly formatted with truncated captions. Lennie don't want no pain killer. Captain Keith will sew it up. Maybe six stitches. Oh, it's Lenny. Could see it then. Needle size of halibut hook. Pitching of boat makes it hard to sew. Lenny's a tough dude. Looks gnarly. Lenny still wants to throw shots. Captain Keith says may be worst suturing job ever but says will heal up in a few hours. Lenny doesn't know what to do with himself. This is frontier medicine says Captain Keith.
Captain Junior of the Seabrooke has pots on deck which is not a good thing because they get very heavy with ice and can tip the boat over. He may have to suitcase his pots. That means they just toss em over because they'll never get them back anyway. I like this term, suitcase. I do not like that Captain Junior may have to employ this term. They are riding the bull and the forecast is getting worse. Skipper is getting spooked, says deckhand. Putting on an awful lot of ice. They have to rip pots off as fast as they can. It is slick on deck (and on stack!). Need to get pots on ledge so that they don't go too deep and get lost to sea forever. Whew. First string down. Turn around. Still have 180 miles an hour.
New Captain Tony on Cornelia Marie. Came out of retirement to turn the operation around. He will be hero or zero, he guesses. First pot a jumbo! Paper plate with happy face in front window. Apparently Captain Phil used to do that. Captain Tony is rockin it, says Josh.
Time Bandit still doing nothing. Oh, Andy. That's the brother's name. Need to go out now. Eddie Junior, greenhorn, doesn't know if he can do this but he's doing it anyhow. I like Eddie Junior. He smiles a lot. It's probably Eddy. Oops. Have to check. Lots of crab. Eddy learns how to sort from his Dad. Huge wave. Hey Mike, are you okay Mike? Commercial. For beer. Good timing. Back to Time Bandit. Mike is hurt. Captain Andy needs his kit. Mike can't see because his face got whacked into metal sorting table. Captain Andy says sorry about that, dude. Mike says hey, it happens. Captain Andy puts suture take across Mike's eyebrow and offers aspirin. Geez, these guys are tough. Mike working again. If tape doesn't hold, Captain Andy will have to shave his eyebrow. Mike's, that is. Mother nature kicked him in the face, says Mike. Whack! Lots more crab. Big numbers. 1-6-0. Eddy Junior's teeth are hurting. He is hurling. His vision is going blurry. Turns out he has had an abscessed tooth for a couple of months. Captains did not know. Calling dentist. I hope that isn't Jake with his pliers. Checking blood pressure. 113 over 75. Keep drinking. I don't think they mean beer, but that would probably be a good idea. Shredded flag on bow. Eddy is going to pass out. Put him in his bunk. Going back to St. Pauls.
Seabrooke not a rock star! No crab. Time Bandit way ahead. Except for Ramblin' Rose, Northwestern has lowest crab count! That must be why Sig is taking his stomach pill. What is happening with the new guys? No crab? Seabrooke has easy, 100,000 pounds of ice. Ditching pots, but still dangerous because rest of the boat under 8 inches of solid eyes. Negative 65 degrees, with wind chill. Skin can freeze in 7 minutes. How come you don't see these guys with frost bite? On Everest, they get frost bite all the time, and its not that cold, and certainly not that wet. Need to break pots free of ice. Five minutes and door not even open. Have to take sledge hammer and beat rope and stuff from inside pot and then beat the rest of the pot to get the ice off. These guys will earn their money today, says Captain Junior. I don't think any of us viewers understand how heavy this stuff is. All pots down.
Commercial for After The Catch. I don't like After The Catch. Takes mystique out of it. I like my Captains heros, not regular guys. I suppose it would be okay if I were in the bar with them. Commercial for diabetes meter which you don't have to prick your finger with. And delivery is free.
Storm over, collective sigh of relief. All men are safe but there will be no rest as every crew faces a cathedral of ice, says Dirty Jobs guy. Need to knock all ice off. Vaguely cathedral-like soprano music. Very poignant. The merciless chill --- spares no one. Not the injured, the beaten or the exhausted. More music. Lots of sledge hammers pounding ice. Shit. I couldn't do this job, and I can do an awful lot.