Woody & My IBF

Today being the Preakness, I began to ask myself if jockey shorts actually have anything to do with jockeys, and do boxer shorts have anything to do with boxers? In a nutshell, no and yes. But I did learn some interesting things about mens' undergarments. And congratulations Shakelford even if ex-husband won big and I didn't. Went with Dialed In. I would make some sort of expletive-ridden comment but he's just a horse after all.

First I learned that there are actual Wikipedia entries for all things masculine and supportive, or not.

Jockeys wear breeches. It looks like they cost about $65. So do they wear jockey shorts underneath the breeches? No, they wear pantyhose. Really. I could not find a picture of a jockey in pantyhose, but I have it on good information that this is true. I looked it up on the internet. Depending on who's writing, jockeys wear pantyhose for warmth, or to prevent chafing, or because they are aerodynamic, or to hold it all together if you get what I mean. I don't know what else they wear under those breeches, and that begs the question of kilts. More on that later.

Jockey shorts were invented by the Cooper's Underwear Company after some big executive saw those french guys in the tiny bathing suits. They were introduced in the middle of some blizzard in 1935. The tighty whities were in the window of one of the big department stores (Macy's? Marshall Fields? I can't remember) and the the manager said to get them out of the window and put in the more climatically long johns, but before they could do it, all 600 pairs or something were already sold out. They sold tons and tons and tons after that and, check this out, even had a plane called the Masculiner to deliver orders. Jockeys are called jockeys because they are more or less jock straps lite. Because these drawers were so popular, Cooper's changed the name of the company to Jockey. I am not sure where the name brief came from but I bet it was from the size of said garment. Duh.

Okay, kilts. There a jillion snappy answers to what a Scotsman wears under his kilt, my personal favorite being lipstick if he's lucky. And the bottom line is that he wears nothing. This is supposed to be from a military tradition. Think Brave Heart. Somewhere I read that the guys in the Scottish military (what is that called?) are occasionally required to stand at ease so one of the officers could go by with a mirror on a stick to see if they are properly attired. Don't know if that's true. This is where the term "going commando" is supposed to come from. When my Navy SEAL served in Vietnam, the ladies of the evening would say "UDT, no skivee." If you've watched any of those great TV documentaries about Hell Week, you know that getting wet and sandy requires you to get your whole self wet and sandy. I sure wouldn't want wet sandy undies on when I had to run the next five miles with a boat on my head. And if all those tough guys can get away with no undies, what's the big deal about Britney?

Now, boxers. These really do have something to do with boxers. They were invented by Everlast in 1925. They have elastic all the way around. They had leather belts before then. To hold up their underwear. There are also boxer briefs which have elastic but longer legs. It is said that these were actually shortened long johns, but if there wasn't elastic before boxers, and no briefs either, well, this is getting complicated historically-speaking. Whatever. Wikipedia says that it is traditional for boys to go from briefs to boxers when they are teenagers. I think this is true, but I'm not sold on this completely. When I was in high school, only your dad wore boxers. All the boys wore briefs. My SEAL wears briefs and he's definitely more manly than a teenager. Also, real men wear pink. Not that said SEAL wears pink, but you get the idea. Also, my kid wore boxers as soon as he could say no to the briefs, Ninja Turtles or not.

There is a survey done for National Underwear Day (yes, there is one and it will be on August 5th this year). Cool stuff related to men's unders:

• 80% of Americans wear the same type of underwear for their entire adult lives
• 24% of men have a lucky pair of underwear
• Married men change their underwear twice as often as single men
• You can "buy underwear in your underwear" on freshpair.com
• 10% of men wear boxers

Let's finish up with one of my favorite drinking songs. I think it's Irish. I chose this clip because there basically nothing to look at so you have to pay attention to the lyrics.