Woody & My IBF

My name is Amy and I'm an addict. A Deadliest Catch addict. I am jonesing for some crab. I am stealing from my kid's college account to buy a bigger TV. I am inflicting bodily harm to get to the remote. And I am hijacking this blog for weekly recap. That said, it is Tuesday night, and it is Time Bandit for the show. Yeah, baby.

Uh-oh. Deckhand we saw falling asleep at the wheel on Wizard is actually asleep. His name is Lynn. A boy named Sue. But Lynn is not that tough. Captain Keith tells Lynn that the most important job on the boat is steering it. Captain Keith is very tired but he has to stay in the wheelhouse because the waters are very crowded. There are five boats on the radar. The boat you crash into "is done." And the Wizard is next. Captain Keith is pissed because he has put a lot of time into Lynn. Two weeks on a run unheard of, but crabs are fifty bucks a pop, the most they've ever had. Must have been listening to my dad. Lynn apologizes to Captain Keith for endangering crew and boat. Captain Keith doesn't trust him anymore, but he likes that Lynn wants to be a great crabber. Next time he will be fired on the spot. No Vince Lombardi talk. Skipper Keith is racing the clock to make dock with no dead loss. He does not have many crabs. They seem to be alive on top, but what about the bottom? Dead loss looking terrible. If you get the live ones on top off fast, the almost dead ones underneath on life support might make it. 20,000 pounds of crabs dead. Captain Keith will not stay out 15 days in the future. I note that Captain Sig was right.

Shot of shredding American flag. It is windy on the Time Bandit. Storm is coming. Captain Jonathan needs to get all his crabs out and put the traps back down before that happens. One of those teaser shots where the trap looks empty but comes up full. They are still on the biomass. It took a mountain of pain for Captain Jonathan and his crew to find the crab and they can't lose them now. A black abyss. Gnarly. Hillstrand "yeah baby." A lot of times. Pictures of Time Bandit hitting big waves. I wonder how they get those pictures anyhow. I guess there is another boat full of brave and hairy-chested camera men. Should Captain Jonathan keep on going in storm and keep getting crab or risk the lives of crew? More shots of shredded flag. This is definitely the kind of weather that you get hurt in. Anything can happen. Big wave. Really big wave. Everyone still there? Commercial break. Mike got his ass kicked but he is okay. That is mother nature's way of telling me to sit down. Skipper shuts operation down. Crew goes to bed. It has been dark this whole time. They never tell you that. You need to hope that the crab stays there. Captain Jonathan would rather be lucky than smart. My TV picture is sort of truncated on the bottom left and I can't figure out how to fix it, so I just learned that Captain Jonathan is actually Captain Johnathan. More tension music and hoping for Eureka! Dramatic pot lifting. Lots of crab. Everyone happy. Oh, yeah, baby. Someone holds up a big fucking crab. That one is a dandy, he says. First time I've out-sworn a crabber. Triumphant music. Life is good.

Kodiak deckhand that was squished by pots last week has hurt back. Veteran deckhands are tough, but it looks like he really is hurt. Jake (another Jake!) is a motivator and keeps people laughing. Everyone bummed. Hard to work with fewer guys. Captain Bill going back where he found crab eight days ago. He is positioned to do some real damage. But have 90,000 pounds of steel to deal with and not enough guys. Deck boss a slave driver. This is a hard job what with the knuckle crushing and all. Maybe the hurt guy's name isn't Jake. Maybe it's Nate or Zach or something. I don't know. Sometimes it's hard to hear these guys in the 35 kph (that'd be knots per hour for all you landlubbers) wind. Deckhand offering to pay for anger management classes. Deck boss needs to let up. He has a ponytail and a smart mouth. Captain Bill still wearing groovy shirt with crabs on sleeves. Note to self: get serious about finding groovy crab shirt. Adam gives Captain Bill double fingers. Captain Bill takes Adam off deck. Now only three guys working. Whatever, says Captain Bill.

Not a lot of breaks when you're catching crabs, says Captain Keith for Prilosec.

Cornelia Marie needs better trip. They have sucked so far. Former-addict Jake and part owner of boat calls for different strategy. Josh tells Captain Derrick that they are running out of money and they won't be able to come back for Opies. Captain Derrick wants a few days. Need numbers and need them in the worst way. Dramatic closeup on trap coming up. Empty except for dead halibut. This is not good. It's really bad actually. Everyone hates captain. $2000/day for fuel and food and getting no crab. The boat is not fishing. They can only take it so far. They have spent $170,000 and only had $150,000. Calling her quits on blue crab. Going for red. Hope they make that money up. I think Captain Phil, if he weren't dead, would have been smelling for crab farts, or was it scallop farts? Crew doing the if-you-quit-I'll-quit thing. Something has to happen. Some of the guys are tired of fishing and want to get off when they get to town. Captain Derrick and Josh exchange words and the bottom line is that the skipper is shut down and won't be going for red crab. He also mentioned something about being screwed for blue crab deal, but I'm not sure I remember that thread. Jake quit for blue crab is now quitting for red crab. The fighting is getting worse and worse with everyone bringing up the past. As in Jake's addiction. Big boys don't walk off. I think this is going to be a very dramatic story line. Josh just wants to fuckin' fish. Lots of fuck as an adjective. Captain Phil would have kept it all together.

Captain Junior has it hard because greenhorn quit. He would do anything to save face if he were Josh. They need a 10 average. And nothing. Man oh man, my rockstar is dimming. It is a kick in the bleep. I'm not sure if it was ass or nuts or what but it must have been bad because they bleeped it. Quitter Josh wants to go out and fish but he admits he doesn't have the mental strength. Other guys say it must be nice to kick back and watch movies and stuff but you know what? He's just a sissy. I say harsh, dude. But you're right. Captain Junior says it must be humiliating for him. Deckhands irritated. After town string set (I think town string is what you leave when you go back to drop your crabs off), crew throws his stuff in hold. Let him deal with it down there. He's a dead man walking. A quitter is a quitter and it is obvious that he will be a quitter all his life, they say. Offload blue crab and greenhorn. Going through greenhorns like butter. Other newbie won't quit on them. He's got ambition. We'll see. Load of 50,000 pounds worth $250,000. Phenomenal trip. Quitter not having any more adventures. He can't believe it was so hard.  Say La Beeb says older deckhand. To sea with third new greenhorn. He gets seasick. It's like a broken record. A guy  wants to prove himself. Again.

Northwestern winner of crab count. We didn't see Sig this week. Seabrooke, in second, still a rockstar. What happened to the Ramblin' Rose? They're doing pretty good. I want to see the drama.

Actually excited to get BMW.