7:20 PM |
I am.
Finally got the redundant XM I bought in December for the roadtrip installed in my pickup. First song: Mellow Yellow by Donovan. Second song: Yellow Balloon by The Fifth Dimension. Besides the obvious yellow theme, there is the secret football code. Donovan McNabb was the Eagles quarterback for a long time until he got traded to Washington and sucked. His number was 5. Been on a weeklong Eagles Touchdown Sundae ice cream binge. I do not ignore the signs. Wish Michael Vick would get his shit together. Pray for end of lockout.
Had to settle for Deadliest Catch, which is totally not a bad thing. Hope that Eagles games are never on at the same time (or season) as Deadliest Catch. I know I can tape one, but I don’t know where my allegiances lie, and there is a karma thing there. You know, I can influence the outcome of the game by wearing my personalized jersey with Brian Westbrook’s number on it. Worst thing they ever did, trading Brian Westbrook.
So here I am, viewing captions in the intro:
Six Weeks: Physical Pain, Mental Anguish, The Breaking Point.
Groovy Bon Jovi song. Something in Dutch Harbor. Sig with lit piercing eyes. Let me save you the trouble: Everybody apologizes to everybody else and there is love and good humor. That’s the episode in a nutshell.
Here's some details:
The Cornelia Marie is having more drama and drugs. Everyone is quitting, but Captain Derrick has his suspicions. He finds weed and tin foil pipe and ashes and Febreeze (called “air freshener” but we all know it is Fabreeze) in the engine room. I was going to say he was doing the CSI thing, but he said it himself. Jake is a pathological liar because he wouldn’t fess up to the pot. This puts Captain Derrick’s license at risk. Jake tells the captain that he should pack his bags (or was it Josh that said that) and that he is going to try anything because he’s embarrassed about this trip. Captain Derrick calls the Coast Guard to get someone arrested at the dock. We all know this will be Jake, but maybe it will be a surprise. Captain Derrick is finishing this trip with his head held high. He did everything he was paid to do. Jake takes off before cops get him. Needs to have a blood test or a urine to prove it. Bar guy had called cab for him. Blue Checker takes him to airport. Cops catch him. Jake says it was someone else. He will not take drug test., that it is harassment. Cop lets him go but will search his stateroom. If Jake takes any drugs he will go to jail. Miserable off-load. Officer Kelly comes back from airport. Captain Derrick still knows there was pot. He has seen drugs a lot. Jake is free to go. Cornelia Marie not going out again. Captain Derrick is not happy. Fuck this boat. Fuck this crew. C’est la vie, Derrick, says Jake. Poignant music. No one likes to fail. Plane takes off.
Geico commercial. Not the one with the woodchucks. Ron the Hun likes that one. He also likes the Kia hamsters “you can give her this or you can give her that”. That's my favorite commercial. I actually have a draft post on these that I didn’t finish this January. Anyhow, the commercials are targeted to a specific buying audience and it’s a fun game to add up the commercials and see who’s watching the show. From insurance to antacids, it seems that people who wish they could do risky things but get heartburn thinking about it are watching.
Northwestern continues to suck. Prospecting for 15 miles with no luck. They need patience, Sig says. Jake and Edgar still fighting. Sig says that Edgar has a knack for pissing people off. They’re a bunch of friggin’ kids. Edgar peeks out with sign for Jake:
Im sorry
and I
still love you
It’s like a therapy session sometimes, says Sig. All’s good and some crab starts to turn up. Jake says “you only hurt the ones you love,” and everybody’s back to the same old crew. Triumphant music and more crabs. Jake is the “worst crane driver God ever made.” Edgar wants to teach Jake everything so he can get off the boat already. He has been trying to do this for a while, and at the end of last season we were led to believe that he actually would quit. There’s hope for Jake yet.
Skipper Bill on the Kodiak is a rock star but short of deckhands. One fucked up from accident and one quit/was fired (temporarily). Hard for crew. They hurt. It’s getting dicey. It can take three times as long. Hurt deckhand Jake is going to work anyhow. Skipper still has great crab shirt on. Note to self: get damn shirt already. He would be tearing this place up if he had five instead of three on deck. Adam said that there could be trouble with steering. Whatever happened to motivate not alienate, says the skipper. Adam says sorry. Captain Bill says me too. They sing Kumbaya. Everyone back on deck. “I love you guys, I really do,” says Captain Bill with a joking voice. Fishing is fun again. It’ s been a hell of a gig. You guys have been amazing. Almost more than I could expect. A love fest all around. Good crabbing. Karma. It’s raining crab. Fifty year old deckhand Eric’s foot really, really hurts because he’s been doing this for 32 years. He is crying. Putting foot on frozen turkey breasts.
Nationwide Insurance. Axe gel. Getting some hair action. Arby’s. Bass Pro. You can get good deals on utility boxes. Southwest with guy wrapped up in red tape on baggage carousel. Mazda. Are you one of the few? Wells Fargo has eaten up Wachovia and they want you to do something with them when you’re ready. The Accord is The One. Okay, we are now people that buy cars, go on vacation, use a bank and maybe try to have hair that is like you used to have it before it got kinda, well, reduced.
Ramblin’ Rose. Crew is late. Captain Eliott is losing his patience. He is not happy. Plan is to sleep less because they are lethargic anyhow. No eating. First pot, line broke. Lost the pot which is expensive because the pot is expensive and they don’t know how much crab went down with it. Deckhand says it’s bad luck especially since the leader is the worst. Bad weather. Bad fishing. Morale low. “He will grind you into dirt, scoop you up and throw you away.” Boy oh boy, all these crews are getting pissy tonight. The boats are not a democracy, says Captain Eliott. Kado smacked his face on the coiler (not on purpose). Skipper will shoot him up with cortisone, morphine, whatever he needs. Just missed eye and is kinda bloody but Captain Eliott says “you ever had a mosquito bite?” Crabbers are tough. Weather still bad so shuts down. Sandwiches. Naps. Not naps, going to bed.
Dirty Jobs guy (narrator of Deadliest Catch, too, isn’t that a conflict of interest or something?) for Ford. Dunkin Donuts coffee. Snapple with real sugar. More Ford. Stop Repair Bills. Gerber whole life insurance “Gerber Grow Up Plan.” We now need sugar and caffeine, just like our teenagers. And don’t forget the insurance. We wouldn’t want to have anything happen. We just watch it.
Seabrooke still rock star.
Prilosec again. Calvin Johnson undresses (!) and redresses. Acura is aggression in its most elegant form. I like that. If you do not know who Calvin Johnson is, shame on you. Devry. Monkey on guy’s head for dandruff shampoo. On-line schools. Schools that take the least amount of time. Bill Schaeffer co-inventor of Splash Wash had an idea. Bill Schaeffer made a financial gain which is not typical and most inventions are not successful. We are now flaky-scalped suckers.
Next commercial break: Sta-bil! I use Sta-bil in Woody. It does some kind of magic stuff to make crappy gas okay. Chevy. More hair action. More Arby’s. RV insurance from Geico.
Now for my favorite song: