9:08 PM |
When a marathon runner reaches a point at which he can no longer run any more, but short of the finish line, it is called the wall. After 31 days on the road, I have reached my wall. Like a winning runner, I want to finish. Like a winning runner, I will push through it. Now let's see where the winning runner analogy runs out.
Wake up Lila Rae. She is a good girl. Put a purple bow in her hair and give her goldfish to keep her busy. I love watching her little fingers. I wonder what last name Lila Rae has. Boyfriend?
USA Today at door. First newspaper in a month. Lead headline: "Turning Waste into Drinking Water". Check out this morning is noon. Until now, checkout has been 11. But I am now in the eastern time zone so the checkout time is the same only I have less time in my day to do stuff. I usually wake up so that I can take a quick shower and get my free breakfast at the Holiday Inn Express before they take it away. They often take it away early so that the lady can go home already so I have to count that in. This morning I missed breakfast. I called for a late check out. Lucky for me checkout is at 12. I can't in good conscience sleep past noon. Piled into Woody. Woody wouldn't. Unwrapped Toostie pop, one of the 47 I must have to enjoy a healthful diet. Tried starting again. Woody wouldn't. Stuck Tootsie pop in mouth. Tried Woody again. Woody wouldn't. Sucked on Tootsie pop. Woody wouldn't. I always just hope Woody will do his thing when he is good and ready. Noticed that Woody is on incline rear down. Sucked on Tootsie pop while taking parking brake off and rolling down parking lot. Sometimes that helps. The reason for this is that Woody gets more fuel to the carburetor. Sucked on Tootsie pop. Woody wouldn't. Pulled choke out. Sucked. Worried about flooding. Sucked. Got out and smelled engine compartment. Sucked. Got back in. Sucked. Tried again. Bit through hard part and chewed on Tootsie part. Tried again. Woody would. Just hitting the snooze button I guess.
A little low on gas but hit highway so Woody would get a nice regular flow of fuel. Saw giant billboard with silver flag things like the ones you use to scare the pigeons away from your porch for fireworks. Remember that in Tennessee where they make fireworks in New Pittsburg (no h) and where they have Isabels BBQ that I have yet to taste but have been dreaming about for about 25 days. Small sign below fireworks sign: www.bibleparadise.com. Saw Outlet Store. For houses. Saw sign for Mayfield Dairy Tour. Exit 50. The exits here are numbered according to the distance from someplace so you can tell how many miles to the next advertised exit. I think I can make Exit 50 without running out of gas. Exit 49 has lots of stuff on it, but I figured I'd wait until Exit 50 because I'd only have to start Woody again once. Lots of signs for stuff on Exit 60. Exit 60? What happened to exit 50? I can only make Exit 50. Looking for shoulder and trying to remember what I did with (empty) gas can. Sign for BBQ on Exit 52. Sign for fuel on Exit 52. There is an Exit 52! Mayfield Dairy lied. Pulled off at Exit 52. Gas station on right is one of those scary little ones with bars on the windows but I did not care even a little bit. The second-generation Indian (only slightly accented English with very pretty sparkly black sweater) told me my shirt looked pretty on me. I look like I am blushing. I told her it is too small (you can see my bra lines not only on the back, but the front too). I think to myself that my face is always red. I like that she thinks I'm blushing. This is Aaron and LaBron. Aaron paid his $1 for a little bit of gas but it is not coming out. He is mad at Indian girl. They need the gas because LaBron's fuel pump is broke. I feel your pain, LaBron.
Saw awesome car dealer across road. Muscle cars! Antiques! Street rods! I have a street rod (not Woody you silly guy). There are no cars there. None. Nada. Zip. Zero. Bummer. Next to the gas station is a minor auto junkyard. There is nothing else as far as you can see. I want BBQ. I want to take the Mayfield Dairy tour. Take it on faith and head down road. Civilization. BBQ sign said make right 0.4 miles. Turn right.
Lookee here! Classic cars. This is Danny Pryor. He owns Show Car Classics. The lord has been with him and he has sold 27 cars this year already. Later I met Michael who said times are tough and he can't sell the two cars he wants to. This is Michael. His website is www.woodsinvestments
Back at Danny's I ask how to get to BBQ. I need to count my red lights, now. It is two down. I ask how it is. They have good slaw but the slaw Danny and Michael made that one time was really good slaw. The hot dog place across the street has slaw that tastes just like that if I want a hot dog. No, I want BBQ. Go to BBQ. It is Buddy's. Buddy's is a chain, with red plastic trays and the illuminated menu behind the order taker. I have to wait so that the computer can catch up and she can take my order into a microphone for the kitchen. I have to choke my meal down because I don't eat in chains. I hope they don't see how much I throw away. The two guys hanging around in the parking lot who admired Woody are still in the parking lot talking. Back to where the exit road intersects with Danny's. There is Brownie's Restaurant on the right hand side. It is just my style, general restaurant since 1952. Probably the hot dog place. Damn. Note to self: If native says you don't want a whatever do you, you have whatever. And then there is the 50's diner with checkered flags and may be just a gimmick but looks fun. I would have had a milkshake.
Traveled down road 5 miles to Mayfield Dairy. They said it was 4 miles. Mayfield Dairy lies a lot. But when I got there, all is forgiven. They have a large cow named Maggie. They also have a bronze cow that gets hot. I just miss last tour which is fine with me because it was a large teenage church group with a lot of energy and the Mayfield Dairy has ice cream. Mayfield ice cream was named the best by Time. In the movie, the sign says Time, 1981. This is before Ben & Jerrys and Hagen Das. This is fine by me because I like ice cream ice cream not the shit that is 90% fat and 10% artificial colors and flavors.
This is Bridget. She reminds me of my Aunt Mary Alice who always has a twinkle in her eye. Santa has a twinkle. Old men have twinkles. I am here to tell you that girls can have twinkles too. Bridget helped me understand all the ice creams. Cream snow was started when rare snow is collected and lots and lots of vanilla and sugar are poured on it. It is not ice cream, it is a frozen dessert says Bridget. There is a lady in North Carolina who trademarked the name. She gets 10 cents on every carton. I try it. It is sort of crystally like when your freezer door stays open by mistake and the ice cream melts but your mother finds it and quick closes the door so all that food doesn't go to waste and then yells at you to always close the freezer door you rotten kid. I happen to like icy ice cream as long as it doesn't taste funky. I decide I like cream snow, but I have my heart set on orange pineapple, not available in stores. I tell Bridget I would like it in a cup. The little bitty one? Yes the little bitty one. I'll have another one later. Bridget smiles. Sounds like her. There is also Super Cow ice cream which kids love. It is vanilla with colors. Super moosetracks is moosetracks in chocolate ice cream. I love the orange pineapple. They had this flavor when I was a kid and my dad liked it. At that time I did not.
Mayfield Dairy has the nicest gift shop I've seen on my trip. It is spotless and cheery and has great t-shirts. I bought plastic cups that change color when you put the milk in them for my niece and nephew and a hat for me. It is very wholesome and I want to be wholesome sometimes. Well, not often but my almost-real imaginary boyfriend is not around.
This is Heather. She gives me my private tour after Lori turns on the 10-minute film on the history of Mayfield for me. Heather has a pointy chin like Reese Witherspoon and she goes through the canned spiel for me. Mayfield makes yellow milk jugs because the ultraviolet light doesn't go in and lower the quality of the milk. She shows me this with a laser pointer. See, goes through. See, doesn't. They private label milk too but it doesn't get the yellow jugs. They make the jugs right there. They make a whole lot of yellow jugs. Mayfield uses the milk of 20,000 cows milked twice a day. They also have a special machine that no one else has that takes out the bitter weeds and onions the cows ate. Private label milk does not go through this machine. I suspect this is why we are not allowed to take pictures. They have this thing that checks that the right label is on each jug with the right expiration date. There are two labels, one on the shoulder, so there are two very very fast cameras. They make a gajillion chugs which look like little plastic milk bottles with colorful labels. They also make even more little cartons that go to schools, hospitals and nursing homes. Heather doesn't know what happens to the extra milk when school is out during the summer. People get their hours. Her husband is one of them. The conveyor belts are lubricated with soap and water. No oil or grease. This makes it better. Mayfield's biggest seller is 2%, followed by whole and skim, in that order. Everyone wears hair nets, including me. The guys with beards wear a special beard hair net that hooks over their ears like a surgeon's mask. I have seen exactly no one in Athens with a beard. I think the guys at Mayfield grow them just to wear those special beard things. Heather shows me a 60 second video on making ice cream. I can't see them actually do it. Their most popular flavor is vanilla, followed by moosetracks and then hand-made vanilla. Moosetracks? Who woulda thunk it. As far as I know, they don't have moose in Athens, TN. I go back to Bridget. Have teeny tiny cup of moosetracks. Getting sick from ice cream.
Walk out to beautiful family posing for pictures. The two girls lick their cones on cue and one of them looks like Lila Rae. They are taking pictures for the county brochure. They will be the cover. I see the first crocuses and wonder if mine are coming up back home.
Attempt to finish ice cream while flipping through maps. Picked up brochures about local attractions. Biltmore! I am somewhere near Biltmore! Biltmore is one hell of a house. I think it's the largest in the US. It is also old, so it isn't too tacky. Four hours from Knoxville. I think I am in Knoxville. Call Inn at Biltmore. Another great thing to do in the off-season. Get room for $165. It is normally $325. I like this idea because it will be my last hotel before the last couple of Holiday Inn Expresses. Biltmore is in Ashville NC so it is a state closer to home. I will not feel guilty for having to stop in Tennessee for the second night in a row. It was okay to go to Mayfield Dairy.
Hit road. Four o'clock. I cannot stay awake. For the first time, I cannot stay awake. Thought I'd pull off at a rest stop and take a power nap over the steering wheel. In city of Knoxville. No rest stop. Nodding off at wheel. I have hit the wall. I have to stop at nearest Holiday Inn Express. Can't find the elevator. Elevator in front of me. Went to sleep at 6:00 p.m. Woke at 9:30 hoping that I have at least enough cash in my purse to order pizza. Too late for local pizza joint. Get lemonade Girl Scout cookies and flat Cheerwine from Woody. Ask about pizza at desk. Chain can deliver to room. First pizza of trip. Tipped the guy $4 and blessed him. I need a shower. Too late. Hope that I can justify staying at Biltmore tomorrow night. The king rooms have extra large bathrooms and picture windows. Sounds like Monmouth which I really really loved, especially Roosevelt. Counting days until I have to be home. Falling asleep again.
Wake up Lila Rae. She is a good girl. Put a purple bow in her hair and give her goldfish to keep her busy. I love watching her little fingers. I wonder what last name Lila Rae has. Boyfriend?
USA Today at door. First newspaper in a month. Lead headline: "Turning Waste into Drinking Water". Check out this morning is noon. Until now, checkout has been 11. But I am now in the eastern time zone so the checkout time is the same only I have less time in my day to do stuff. I usually wake up so that I can take a quick shower and get my free breakfast at the Holiday Inn Express before they take it away. They often take it away early so that the lady can go home already so I have to count that in. This morning I missed breakfast. I called for a late check out. Lucky for me checkout is at 12. I can't in good conscience sleep past noon. Piled into Woody. Woody wouldn't. Unwrapped Toostie pop, one of the 47 I must have to enjoy a healthful diet. Tried starting again. Woody wouldn't. Stuck Tootsie pop in mouth. Tried Woody again. Woody wouldn't. Sucked on Tootsie pop. Woody wouldn't. I always just hope Woody will do his thing when he is good and ready. Noticed that Woody is on incline rear down. Sucked on Tootsie pop while taking parking brake off and rolling down parking lot. Sometimes that helps. The reason for this is that Woody gets more fuel to the carburetor. Sucked on Tootsie pop. Woody wouldn't. Pulled choke out. Sucked. Worried about flooding. Sucked. Got out and smelled engine compartment. Sucked. Got back in. Sucked. Tried again. Bit through hard part and chewed on Tootsie part. Tried again. Woody would. Just hitting the snooze button I guess.
A little low on gas but hit highway so Woody would get a nice regular flow of fuel. Saw giant billboard with silver flag things like the ones you use to scare the pigeons away from your porch for fireworks. Remember that in Tennessee where they make fireworks in New Pittsburg (no h) and where they have Isabels BBQ that I have yet to taste but have been dreaming about for about 25 days. Small sign below fireworks sign: www.bibleparadise.com. Saw Outlet Store. For houses. Saw sign for Mayfield Dairy Tour. Exit 50. The exits here are numbered according to the distance from someplace so you can tell how many miles to the next advertised exit. I think I can make Exit 50 without running out of gas. Exit 49 has lots of stuff on it, but I figured I'd wait until Exit 50 because I'd only have to start Woody again once. Lots of signs for stuff on Exit 60. Exit 60? What happened to exit 50? I can only make Exit 50. Looking for shoulder and trying to remember what I did with (empty) gas can. Sign for BBQ on Exit 52. Sign for fuel on Exit 52. There is an Exit 52! Mayfield Dairy lied. Pulled off at Exit 52. Gas station on right is one of those scary little ones with bars on the windows but I did not care even a little bit. The second-generation Indian (only slightly accented English with very pretty sparkly black sweater) told me my shirt looked pretty on me. I look like I am blushing. I told her it is too small (you can see my bra lines not only on the back, but the front too). I think to myself that my face is always red. I like that she thinks I'm blushing. This is Aaron and LaBron. Aaron paid his $1 for a little bit of gas but it is not coming out. He is mad at Indian girl. They need the gas because LaBron's fuel pump is broke. I feel your pain, LaBron.
Saw awesome car dealer across road. Muscle cars! Antiques! Street rods! I have a street rod (not Woody you silly guy). There are no cars there. None. Nada. Zip. Zero. Bummer. Next to the gas station is a minor auto junkyard. There is nothing else as far as you can see. I want BBQ. I want to take the Mayfield Dairy tour. Take it on faith and head down road. Civilization. BBQ sign said make right 0.4 miles. Turn right.
Lookee here! Classic cars. This is Danny Pryor. He owns Show Car Classics. The lord has been with him and he has sold 27 cars this year already. Later I met Michael who said times are tough and he can't sell the two cars he wants to. This is Michael. His website is www.woodsinvestmentsBack at Danny's I ask how to get to BBQ. I need to count my red lights, now. It is two down. I ask how it is. They have good slaw but the slaw Danny and Michael made that one time was really good slaw. The hot dog place across the street has slaw that tastes just like that if I want a hot dog. No, I want BBQ. Go to BBQ. It is Buddy's. Buddy's is a chain, with red plastic trays and the illuminated menu behind the order taker. I have to wait so that the computer can catch up and she can take my order into a microphone for the kitchen. I have to choke my meal down because I don't eat in chains. I hope they don't see how much I throw away. The two guys hanging around in the parking lot who admired Woody are still in the parking lot talking. Back to where the exit road intersects with Danny's. There is Brownie's Restaurant on the right hand side. It is just my style, general restaurant since 1952. Probably the hot dog place. Damn. Note to self: If native says you don't want a whatever do you, you have whatever. And then there is the 50's diner with checkered flags and may be just a gimmick but looks fun. I would have had a milkshake.
Traveled down road 5 miles to Mayfield Dairy. They said it was 4 miles. Mayfield Dairy lies a lot. But when I got there, all is forgiven. They have a large cow named Maggie. They also have a bronze cow that gets hot. I just miss last tour which is fine with me because it was a large teenage church group with a lot of energy and the Mayfield Dairy has ice cream. Mayfield ice cream was named the best by Time. In the movie, the sign says Time, 1981. This is before Ben & Jerrys and Hagen Das. This is fine by me because I like ice cream ice cream not the shit that is 90% fat and 10% artificial colors and flavors.
This is Bridget. She reminds me of my Aunt Mary Alice who always has a twinkle in her eye. Santa has a twinkle. Old men have twinkles. I am here to tell you that girls can have twinkles too. Bridget helped me understand all the ice creams. Cream snow was started when rare snow is collected and lots and lots of vanilla and sugar are poured on it. It is not ice cream, it is a frozen dessert says Bridget. There is a lady in North Carolina who trademarked the name. She gets 10 cents on every carton. I try it. It is sort of crystally like when your freezer door stays open by mistake and the ice cream melts but your mother finds it and quick closes the door so all that food doesn't go to waste and then yells at you to always close the freezer door you rotten kid. I happen to like icy ice cream as long as it doesn't taste funky. I decide I like cream snow, but I have my heart set on orange pineapple, not available in stores. I tell Bridget I would like it in a cup. The little bitty one? Yes the little bitty one. I'll have another one later. Bridget smiles. Sounds like her. There is also Super Cow ice cream which kids love. It is vanilla with colors. Super moosetracks is moosetracks in chocolate ice cream. I love the orange pineapple. They had this flavor when I was a kid and my dad liked it. At that time I did not.
Mayfield Dairy has the nicest gift shop I've seen on my trip. It is spotless and cheery and has great t-shirts. I bought plastic cups that change color when you put the milk in them for my niece and nephew and a hat for me. It is very wholesome and I want to be wholesome sometimes. Well, not often but my almost-real imaginary boyfriend is not around.
This is Heather. She gives me my private tour after Lori turns on the 10-minute film on the history of Mayfield for me. Heather has a pointy chin like Reese Witherspoon and she goes through the canned spiel for me. Mayfield makes yellow milk jugs because the ultraviolet light doesn't go in and lower the quality of the milk. She shows me this with a laser pointer. See, goes through. See, doesn't. They private label milk too but it doesn't get the yellow jugs. They make the jugs right there. They make a whole lot of yellow jugs. Mayfield uses the milk of 20,000 cows milked twice a day. They also have a special machine that no one else has that takes out the bitter weeds and onions the cows ate. Private label milk does not go through this machine. I suspect this is why we are not allowed to take pictures. They have this thing that checks that the right label is on each jug with the right expiration date. There are two labels, one on the shoulder, so there are two very very fast cameras. They make a gajillion chugs which look like little plastic milk bottles with colorful labels. They also make even more little cartons that go to schools, hospitals and nursing homes. Heather doesn't know what happens to the extra milk when school is out during the summer. People get their hours. Her husband is one of them. The conveyor belts are lubricated with soap and water. No oil or grease. This makes it better. Mayfield's biggest seller is 2%, followed by whole and skim, in that order. Everyone wears hair nets, including me. The guys with beards wear a special beard hair net that hooks over their ears like a surgeon's mask. I have seen exactly no one in Athens with a beard. I think the guys at Mayfield grow them just to wear those special beard things. Heather shows me a 60 second video on making ice cream. I can't see them actually do it. Their most popular flavor is vanilla, followed by moosetracks and then hand-made vanilla. Moosetracks? Who woulda thunk it. As far as I know, they don't have moose in Athens, TN. I go back to Bridget. Have teeny tiny cup of moosetracks. Getting sick from ice cream.
Walk out to beautiful family posing for pictures. The two girls lick their cones on cue and one of them looks like Lila Rae. They are taking pictures for the county brochure. They will be the cover. I see the first crocuses and wonder if mine are coming up back home.Attempt to finish ice cream while flipping through maps. Picked up brochures about local attractions. Biltmore! I am somewhere near Biltmore! Biltmore is one hell of a house. I think it's the largest in the US. It is also old, so it isn't too tacky. Four hours from Knoxville. I think I am in Knoxville. Call Inn at Biltmore. Another great thing to do in the off-season. Get room for $165. It is normally $325. I like this idea because it will be my last hotel before the last couple of Holiday Inn Expresses. Biltmore is in Ashville NC so it is a state closer to home. I will not feel guilty for having to stop in Tennessee for the second night in a row. It was okay to go to Mayfield Dairy.
Hit road. Four o'clock. I cannot stay awake. For the first time, I cannot stay awake. Thought I'd pull off at a rest stop and take a power nap over the steering wheel. In city of Knoxville. No rest stop. Nodding off at wheel. I have hit the wall. I have to stop at nearest Holiday Inn Express. Can't find the elevator. Elevator in front of me. Went to sleep at 6:00 p.m. Woke at 9:30 hoping that I have at least enough cash in my purse to order pizza. Too late for local pizza joint. Get lemonade Girl Scout cookies and flat Cheerwine from Woody. Ask about pizza at desk. Chain can deliver to room. First pizza of trip. Tipped the guy $4 and blessed him. I need a shower. Too late. Hope that I can justify staying at Biltmore tomorrow night. The king rooms have extra large bathrooms and picture windows. Sounds like Monmouth which I really really loved, especially Roosevelt. Counting days until I have to be home. Falling asleep again.