Woody & My IBF

 With the recommendation of Franko and Eye-leen, I took Woody to Scotty's to have his rear lights reattached. This is a one minute job. Ok, maybe three. I could do it myself, but I don't want to get my hair dirty rolling underneath Woody. This is not the case in bed. There was a bad-toothed (I meet an awful lot of these, don't I? Forget national health care, do national dental care) power-weilding gatekeeper with a big dirty blotter with appointments on it. I told her the issue and explained that Woody is a 1942 vehicle and I am on the road. Today? she almost shrieked. Uh, yes. I drive everyday and I don't want to get rammed from behind. We are big with the (unintentional but fun) sexual innuendos today, aren't we? Anyhow, the bitch made me go away. I knew that the mechanics wouldn't like that, so I drove around the back of the garage before going to Beach Tech. As I was leaving, I saw a dirty mechanic arguing with bitch gatekeeper. Ha. Woody has never been blown off before. Got to Beach Tech at lunch, but they were sure they could help. It turns out that the lights work after all, and the guy who yelled at me must have been drinking. Or something. The is a B named guy. I am heartbroken that I can't remember. It is not Brian. It is not Billy. Maybe Bobby? He has a 14 year old son named Bradley who lived in Illinois with his mother until this year. B-Man has lived here all his life. He takes Bradley fishing and they do lots of things together. Bradley was the one who wanted to move from Illinois. Me too. Pat is Coast Tech's owner's son. He works there and likes Woody. They always get two old cars at once. They are replacing the bearings in a Fairlane. It has California plates and is a perfect shade of claret. I asked if I   could open the door, but by that time B-Man and Pat were back at work. They take their work seriously, unlike those losers at Scotty's where they can't even squeeze in a 3-minute job because they are already pissing off their other clients by taking too long, even on an oil change (I read this in an online review). Note to self: Tell Franko that his recommendation sucked. I am finding all sorts of great stuff here, all without recommendations. 30A is recommendation-challenged.

Coming back from Beach Tech, I saw the sign for Woodie's and I really wanted to go to Woodie's. I thought I would stop at this very commercial "outsider" artist. He is ridiculously prolific. I told him that. Yes, he needs stuff to sell because he sells so much stuff. This is Don. I can't remember his last name which is inexcusable because it is everywhere around his shop. He's one of those artists who sells prints of his work. I hate that. He has a nice truck, though. I has a wrap and if he bought a new one the first thing he'd do is put a wrap on it. Ann is going to show at the gallery. She uses gourds and papier mache to make those funny little sculptures that are reminiscent of those grumpy old ladies, but are not grumpy old ladies. Don is lucky to have her because she is the best sculptor in the south.

You know, there is an awful lot of the best stuff on 30A. Don tells me Shorty's has the best burgers. I saw a sign in Seaside that advertised the best burgers. And, of course, there is Tommy's burger which really is the best. This is a lady whose daughter sells all those t-shirts to Watersound

This is Tommy's burger. It is every bit as good as he said it would be. It was really crispy. I don't know how they do it. I try to make steaks like this at home and they get the nice grill marks but never get crispy. Tommy also seasons it perfectly which I told him. He said he was going to tell me not to put salt and pepper on it because it is just right. I am not a cretin. I do not insult the chef. I always taste stuff before I decide that I can do the seasoning better than he. Afterward, I went to bad restaurant recommender real estate guy next door to the cafe. I had planned to give him exactly one hour to tell me why his planned community is better than all the other planned communities on 30A. I went in and dinged that little bell like your first grade teacher had on her desk. I dinged it twice. There was no one there. This is a real estate office. How are you going to sell real estate if there are no agents? He is worse than Jacky. They had a little clip board where you are supposed to leave your email. I wrote in big letters that I had come to buy a house and there was nobody home. That'll show him. I should have run off with his miniature community model and rung the bell as I made a dash for it. Now that would show him. Oh gosh. I guess it wouldn't because he doesn't want to sell houses anyhow. Cranky.

I have been playing whack-a-mole with my doctor, trying to get a prescription filled while driving. I never know where I'm going so I have to time it just right. Get her on the phone and give her a pharmacy number at the precise moment I am at said pharmacy. Got it right and headed that way. I knew that I would be going through all the planned communities on 30A so it should be an adventure. There is Sea something after Seaside. It isn't there, I think. There is a large building with lots of tables, like 40 of them, and new furniture and modern lighting, but no one there. It has a big sign, though. Then a bunch of non-planned places. Then these really weird white ziggurats that marked each end of Alys Beach. This is Alys as in Alice, not Alys as in Ali Baba's. There are some ginormous houses on the gulf and I guess the ziggurats mean you have hedge fund money and have managed to stay out of jail by turning on someone else. No short sales there. There is a neat row of uplighted palm trees on each side of 30A at Alys Beach. Doesn't Alys remind you of Styxx or some other metal band? There is something before Rosemary Beach but I don't remember what. I thought I'd check out Rosemary Beach as this is one I'd actually heard of.

This is Jan. She really wants to sell houses. If I buy an expensive house, I want it to be from Jan. She got this nifty golf cart from Rolls, oops, Royce in a perfectly pressed blue shirt with a pink polo player on it. Jan took me everywhere in Rosemary Beach in the golf cart. We looked at houses as in actually using a key and going it. Uh, Jacky and recommendation-challenged real estate guy, pay attention here. She showed me all the shops including the plastic surgeon's. Rosemary Beach has it going on. This is Genevieve. I hoped I spelled that right. It's a hard one. Genevieve works in the rental department. I think it's call property management. She told us how much we can get for our new house in rentals if we don't actually want to go there during the good weather when school is out. Of course, the weather is really great in September and October. She also has the info on summer camp for the kids. Jan told me they have a special school over one of the stores (I think) that the good parents in the area created instead of home schooling their kids. Rosemary Beach does a lot of Foundation stuff. Rosemary Beachers are very involved in the community. There are a lot more full time residents here than at Seaside. There are also about twice as many houses. Rosemary Beach was done by the same guys as did Seaside but they fixed stuff they did wrong there. I don't like the color schemes, and you have to pass it with the town architect. Dues are a lot lower because they have their act together. They are putting new belgian block roads in, with a nice fan shaped pattern, without having a special assessment. They have $3 million in the bank in case they have to fix the dunes after a hurricane or other projects that will need to be done. Rosemary Beach is a very organized and efficient place. Genevieve confirmed Jan's statement that this is a very family oriented place. I would see next week. As we got back to the office, I saw an Aveda salon! I need my icky hair color fixed. Jan got me an appointment at 2:45 tomorrow. As I said, Jan has it going on. Jan wants to sell houses.

Got prescription and went home (I have begun to think of my little condo as home). Wanted to get into Seaside so that I can swap car photo-ops with Mike with the other old car. I missed him. Kelly was the designated driver because Mike was tying it on. Bummed. I would like a designated driver too. Walked around back of Seaside. Found the Vera Bradley Inn which has seven rooms and a security problem. I walked in and tried out the breakfast chairs. The Inn is not cheap which is while they call it an inn. The only inn I have ever been in that wasn't expensive is the Shack Up Inn in Clarksdale, Mississippi, which I love. Yowsa! A motel! Called Seaside Motor Court! I can't believe I didn't stay there. This is Woody's natural habitat. Turns out they should call the motor court an inn.

Finally took a quick tour of the stores. Passed Murphy who was on the cell phone and is going for a drink at Kate and Ally's. No, it's someone else and Ally's. It is on the water and I should go there but I'm just not into it. Checked out artist colony. No artists.Went into Sundog Books. I love books. I love bookstores. I love Sundog. This is Lanie (or Lany or Laney, or Lainy or so on, it's from Delaney as most of Alabama was settled by the Irish). She is from Birmingham. Lanie (I like this one best and I don't care how she spells it) took her hair out of her ponytail and shook her hair out for this picture. She looks beautiful, don't you think? Lanie was an art history major just like me. She told me about Escape to Create which is when creative people get to live in rich people's houses for free and made great stuff. She saw a young chinese violinist who was really good. She's always liked classical music but never so much as she does now that she's seen it up close and personal. I bought four funny books about Southern culture. I told Lanie that these are books you're embarrassed to buy but really like. She said I made good choices. Lanie sort of skulked around the store and I looked at my watch. Sorry to keep you waiting to close. No, we're open until 6. I just want to show you this disturbing print that one of the Escape to Create artists just gave her. It is of a bandaged man holding a mummified dog in a kind of s-shape. It is beautiful and terrible. Sundog had an actual dog in the store until two weeks ago when it succumbed to old age. The local school children made a drawing of her with angel wings and it's hanging near the cash register. There are also pictures of small children that are variously related to people who work there. Sundog mostly sells cards (which is good money), children's books and beach books like thrillers. Lanie wishes she could order more art books.

This is Linda. She is the owner of Sundog Books. She has very cool hot pink glasses. Linda was reading Michelangelo and the Pope's Ceiling. It is non-fiction so it is like school, and doesn't have beautiful writing. She thought I might like The Lotus Eaters, and after we talked about Vietnam Linda thinks it may not be the best book for me. Of course, I will read it. She also recommended another. I know the author but can't recall her name. I know I will recognize it on the shelf. I really like Linda and Lanie.





I am hungry. Murphy is closed. I don't feel like being with people. I went to Modica Market where I tried to pick out some coffee some guy came over and we shuffled through the bags and he concluded that he doesn't have any that I like. I picked one out myself and looked for milk. I have been seeing Zappos chips around a lot. Tommy has them. As far as I'm concerned, Zappos is where you buy shoes not what you put in your mouth. Zappos makes Voodoo Gumbo limited-edition chips. After the baby back ribs flavor I sampled on Dauphine Island, I am not about to be adventurous with my potato chip choice. Bought fancy chocolate hazelnut ice cream. Bought cake. Bought muffins for tomorrow as I am finally going to enjoy my balcony with coffee I make myself.

Charlie Modica requires a modicum of niceness. He is having happy hours. Two guys are against the deli counter. One of them joked that they looked like guys on the wall at the post office. Hmmm... Look at what he did when I took his picture. Charlie is from Bessemer Alabama. You can tell. He told me something rude, I don't remember what and I felt like a kid in the principal's office. Then he smiles like this. Bipolar?

Took my purchases back to Woody. Seaside looked beautiful with all the twinkly little white lights in the trees. It was six o'clock and not a soul on the street. All the fun stuff happened yesterday. It is the morning after. I wept.






Things about Seaside:

• Sand
• Pastel colored higgledy piggeldy houses with cute names and their owner's names on signs just like in RV parks
• Owners mostly from Georgia and Tallahassee
• 3 full-time residents
• Bare Foot BBQ
• Steph
• Gulf houses right on 30A
• Really expensive for what you get
• Sundog Books
• Seaside Motor Court
• High taxes, dues and insurance (Jacky)
• On street parking
• Two pools
• Wooden houses with major maintenance
• Bring your towel to the beach
• Lots of bathrooms at beach access
• Wacky
• Fun
• Like Key West