Woody & My IBF

Depleted my store of FiberOne bars which were the good kind before they put enough sugar in them to put you into a diabetic coma. I know about FiberOne from Bob Greene's Best Life Diet. Bob Greene is Oprah's diet guy. He is the one responsible for that episode of the Oprah show where Oprah pushes in a shopping cart full of lard in the amount equivalent to her weight loss. It was impressive. It was real. It was real because she put it all back on again. I like Bob Greene. I like the Best Life Diet. I lost 32 pounds and kept 20 off until I started working with Ron The Hun and it got to be more like 10. The gain was muscle. Honest. I can make small children cry with displays of my awesome strength. Anyhow, depleted supply of FiberOne bars because I slept exactly 17 hours and 20 minutes today, 12 hours last night and a nice healthy 5 hour and 20 minute nap this afternoon. Missed breakfast and dinner.

The Bighorn Sheep Meadows or something is a really nice place. I had hoped to spend time sitting on my patio looking out on the Rocky Mountains. It also has a great sofa which I spent a lot of time on. What I did do is go to the Radium Hot Springs. Again, I am concerned about this radium stuff. And now I have to immerse myself in it. However, I have been to many places with hot springs and I always wanted to go but didn't know the etiquette and that usually gets in the way of my doing cool things. Car requires maintenance as usual. That is why we have two day stopovers. It appears we have a dirty oil filter. Good thing we packed spares in the trunk. We have a trunk trunk not a trunk where you put your groceries and the English call a boot. The spare oil filters from the trunk trunk do not fit. It is not a good thing we packed spares. Figure out work around. The Ghost has a glass oil gauge underneath the engine that you have to crouch down to see. Really crouch down and put your head sorta sideways. Still have oil which is very dirty but the car starts. Maybe this is Woody's problem? Note to self: change Woody's oil filter. I don't remember seeing Woody's oil filter so this is either the problem or the problem is that I don't know what parts are on the Woody. Just in case, drive with friend to hot springs.

The hot springs are in a national park. You do not have to buy the park pass to get in because it is only 2 kilometers. That is a mile kinda. I wonder what would happen if you kept on going into the rest of the park without a park pass. Maybe the sheep would rat you out. We saw some sheep. They are small and shedding and not very menacing. A big river shoots out from the hot springs building. I think it's hot but may just be a regular river next to the hot spring. Turns out that the hot springs are a swimming pool that is very warm. You go to a locker room where you change into your bathing suit just like at the gym. Then you get in the pool and don't swim. Someone said the water is 10 degrees warmer when it comes out but they cool it off so you won't get scalded. Wonder if that is Celsius or Fahrenheit? I'm still confused why they call it Celsius or Centigrade. Centigrade I get because there are 100 degrees at boiling. I guess Celsius is a tribute to a guy who had something to do with this. I'm probably right. Get into the pool. Really like it. I think it has minerals in it. It clears up my poison ivy in 20 minutes. Pretty potent minerals. Also smells like chlorine a little but not much. Get out. Refuse to go to cold pool. Shower and try to dry off under those hand dryer kind of things on the wall but can't figure out how to turn them on. Steal someone else's towel, dry and get dressed. Have pistachio ice cream before everyone else comes out so that no one else has one. I need to get lunch because it is 2 pm and I missed breakfast and the only way to get lunch is to make sure the driver is hungry.

Get flat tire. This happens a lot. Fix flat tire.

Hear from others on The Tour that golf course place has good food. Try to get driver to go there. Instead stop at first place that has an OPEN sign on it. Turns out pretty good. Got food in half an hour. This is really good. Forget to take pictures because stunned by speed. Buffalo burger with mushrooms and cheese and bacon. Buffalo has a lot less fat in it than beef. Fixed that with the cheese and bacon. Sweet potato fries really good. Waiter even better. This is Herb. Asked if place next door which is closed but is on the Recommended list of restaurants for this evening has good strudel. It does not. It is horrible, like brown bread. The best strudel is where we ate last night and didn't have dessert because it took too long. We have been chasing strudel like an addict chases his first high. In this case, our first high was at Frank's and Frank's strudel being made just like his mother made is a very high standard to meet. I never understood the chasing your first high before until I had dilaudid intravenously. Serious high. Tried dilaudid in pill form afterwards. Actually try a lot after I was released and still try on occasion. When you have cancer they give you all the opiates you want and I now have a big stash even five years later. Never as good as that first one by IV. I now understand users. I never did before. It feels sooooo good. Good thing I don't have any friends who are users because I would be in a gutter somewhere turning tricks with no teeth and collapsed veins between my toes. I just sleep a lot.

This is Herb. Herb has been a waiter almost everywhere in Radium. Ask for a breakfast recommendation as this morning's breakfast was no good. I don't know this personally because I slept through it. Herb points out window. Sign outside: Voted Number One Breakfast. After a good grilling, Herb agrees that the meal will come very quickly. They open at 8. We will not tell anyone about this place so that we get good service. Also, best strudel is in a town about 10 kilometers away. No one wants to go. Later hear that they went for dinner and the strudel was just okay. Frank's mother must be very popular.

See amazing place in Weird Homes show. I'm not sure if that is a Canadian program but I have never seen it. I want to go in. It is $3. But I am on A Tour and can't do what I want even though it has an arts and crafts store. You know me and my primitives. I bet this guy is awesome.

Awoke at 9 pm from nap and ate Nutrition pack of nuts from some airplane in the last 8 years for dinner (?).