8:33 PM |
It's a banner day in the country. Or should I say city. Or I don't know what. Had to go to event in Philadelphia at the Union League. Normally, if I can't wear jeans I don't go. The Union League has a dress code. Had to spelunk in the dark recesses of my closet (you know the one that is in the spare bedroom because you can't bear to get rid of your shoulder-padded suits from your first couple of jobs even though you just know that you'll never wear them again and anyway you're pretty sure no guest will never use that closet because you'd never have a guest in the guest room filled with overflow crap) for a dress. At least something that isn't jeans. This is harder than it sounds. I've worn a real dress about twice in the last five years, once because I wanted to catch the eye of my almost-real imaginary boyfriend who now appears to be a lost cause. Had gone into business for myself largely to avoid pantyhose. Against all odds, managed to find said dress! Didn't realize I still had that one. There is, however, the shoe issue. My driveway is not paved. It is raining. Stilettos won't make high water mark and besides I have a mountain of compost in the driveway now slipping into a muddy mess on the gravel roadlet. Put clogs on and made mad dash for car and backed it up on the grass up to the kitchen door. Tried to keep hair from rearranging itself and forgot that glasses are not transparent in the rain. Managed to get myself out the door and on the road, stilettos riding shotgun. None of this makes any difference except that at the beautiful club with beautiful flowers and a beautiful coat check, they serve Tastykakes on a silver platter for the afternoon snack. I kid you not. Only in Philadelphia would there be 30 companies speed dating for the roughly $250 million in free cash present, and Tastykakes. I hope Flowers doesn't disrupt this venerable tradition passed on from our forefathers.
After a brief (okay not so brief) nap in front of Hard Time (don't you love vicariously being a bad ass inmate?), had piece of chocolate cake. Lied to supermarket checker that it was my niece's birthday. I do this on occasion. Also had mini size Carvel ice cream cake but the colored frosting was so bad that I ditched it. This says a lot because I love ice cream. Note to self: buy only Turkey Hill ice cream cakes. Anyhow, reality shows are a lot like that ad where there are sort of spontaneous connections when you Google stuff. Like Tastykake comes up with Flowers which comes up with FTD which comes up with funeral which comes up with granite monuments and so on. In this case, Hard Time comes up with locked in which comes up with Storage Wars which comes up with Hoarders: Buried Alive which comes up with, wait for it, granite monuments. It's the six degrees of Kevin Bacon applied to TV. Anyhow, I ended up with Storage Wars on while I ate my chocolate cake (2 pieces, truth be told). Ignored growing pile of papers waiting to go upstairs to office for me to actually work on. Waiting on tenterhooks for Glamour Belles. Let's figure out granite monument from that. America's Next Top Model leads to child models which leads to Toddlers & Tiaras which leads to Glamour Belles which leads to Ding Dong The Witch Is Dead which leads to...granite monuments! Six degrees. How about Rock of Love to Rock of Ages to granite monuments? It all ends somewhere people, and it is us beneath that granite monument. I wish I were that guy on Jimmy Fallon (I think) that does that free association stuff. I bet he could get to granite monument from Deadliest Catch. Nah, too easy. I claim that one for myself.
From granite to Glamour Belles... a double header again tonight! It appears that Miss Fall Fest is the big preliminary this week. The winner goes to Miss Tennessee. You know it is fall because Joann's has one of those "country" signs made in China that says:
doggie costume: $150. Paige said she needs Jared to pay less attention to the chiuahua and more on the chiffon. In an upset neither Ella Jane nor Sir Winston win. It is a sad day at the pet parade. By the way, the banner ad on the CornFest site is for pet cremation.
The CornFest has lots of stuff in addition to the pet parade:
In Joann's, Lexi has come for her homecoming dress. She is 14. The dresses make her look 24. It seems that no matter what your real age is, at Joann's you will be 24. Mom and Grandmama want her covered up. She is.
Pressley is going for the Next Level. She has already won the local state fair title, so this is a huge deal, step up. Pressley wants to wear white. Mom wants bright colors. Pressley tries on white. Paige asks if she is wearing pink underwear. She is. "It's just so obvious. We don't want the judges distracted." It's another cover your cookie moment. In this case, it's "put the lid on the jar sister." Paige says Jared sounds like he just discovered the tablet of Moses. Pressley ends up by saying that "If they did call my name at Miss Tennessee once, I would just fall on the floor and cry." No honey, that's when your mama gets the gown bill.
Then there's Shanese. She's driven all the way from Nashville with her mother and mentor Miss Tiffany (I can't hear that name without shuddering; see Biloxi MS). Miss Tiffany is with Women With Purpose. I looked it up. It is a Christian ministry founded by Danna Demetre. In Miss Demetre's blog, one entry is titled "Holy Hotties Need Strong Bones". She also gives motivational speeches and writes books. In What Happened to My Life? Danna invites readers to join her on a 40-day journey where they'll learn to
I can dig that. 40 days on the road does that too. Anyway, Shanese did not have good self-esteem until she met Miss Tiffany. Money was an issue because they had so many children under one roof. Paige says that Shanese wasn't fed with a silver spoon, more like a plastic spoon. Shanese gets a $2250 yellow gown donated by Paige so that she can compete in Miss Tennessee Teen USA. She is beautiful. She gets third runner up in her first pageant!
Then we have the obligatory "isn't mama a scream" moment. She brings donuts in and asks Jared "Don't you like donuts? It looks like you do." Paige says "We better all get an um-brella because it. is. going to hit the fan."
Next comes Madison. She is 17 and needs to look 24 (big surprise). Her dress ends of costing $2,390. Her talent is yodeling. Paige says "I don't know much about yodeling but it does seem Miss Tennessee." She wins. Then is Ellen. She was Miss Tennessee 2008 and is hosting the FallFest. She is also engaged and has a very big ring. That's what you get by being Miss Tennessee. Paige dressed her for the Miss America pageant. Her teeth look like one of those flipper things the girls wear in Toddlers and Tiaras. She chooses a red dress.
Brittny (no typo) is going for Miss Fall Fest. Paige was Miss Fall Fest in 19something so it is very dear to her. When she walks in, Paige asks how the piano is going. She's doing a lot better at it. Brittny will play the Tennessee Waltz. She was singing, but she wasn't very good and she has to have a talent for Miss America. Her dress has to look so good "that no one notices how bad I am at piano." Before Brittny bought gowns from Paige, she was placing but not winning. Now she buys all her gowns from Paige and wins. Paige says "If you perform like a 2 you have to look like a 10." Brittny says "I'll look like I can play."When they find the right dress, Paige says they "hit the rhinestone on the crown, kinda like the nail on the head." After the contest, Paige said "Brittny did all she could do on the piano and she looked good doing it." By the way, Brittny is 17 and looks 24.
Well, Joann's Gowns is "where queens shop and jaws drop. I wanna get me somma that. Look for more about Union City. Enough to break your heart. Lyrics: "We can take a trip out of this place, I get sick of it let's get away.
Paige gained 131 friends on Facebook and 2735 likes on Glamour Belles.
From granite to Glamour Belles... a double header again tonight! It appears that Miss Fall Fest is the big preliminary this week. The winner goes to Miss Tennessee. You know it is fall because Joann's has one of those "country" signs made in China that says:
Hay Y'all
It's Fall
There is also the Cornfest. It is on September 18. The Fall Fest is on September 16 and 17. I really want to go to these. If you count the Pet Parade, it is the trifecta of Tennessee pageants. Upon further investigation, I have found that CornFest is the new name for Fall Fest. Comment by "In The Know" of Martin TN: Seem like I was told that they changed it from Fallfest to Cornfest because of the Ethanol plant opening a few years back. They changed it because of all the corn that would be used in Obion County to produce ethanol.....but I could be wrong. Cornfest sounds hillbilly redneck is another comment. There are lots of mentions of cornholios. Sorta seems like loud mufflers on big trucks if you read all the chatter. Note to self: find out what a cornholio is. Found out what cornholio is. An alter ego of Beavis. Nothing to do with mufflers, well mostly.
doggie costume: $150. Paige said she needs Jared to pay less attention to the chiuahua and more on the chiffon. In an upset neither Ella Jane nor Sir Winston win. It is a sad day at the pet parade. By the way, the banner ad on the CornFest site is for pet cremation.
The CornFest has lots of stuff in addition to the pet parade:
- Chalk Art Contest
- Antiques or Juntiques?
- "Creative Chair" silent Auction Fund Raiser
- Junior Auxilliary Pumpkin Decorating
- Tyson Coummunity Feed
- 4th annual "bed Race"
- Inaugural Cornhole Tournament
- Corn Eatin & Corn Shucking Contest
- Run for the Pig
- BBQ "Corn"Test
In Joann's, Lexi has come for her homecoming dress. She is 14. The dresses make her look 24. It seems that no matter what your real age is, at Joann's you will be 24. Mom and Grandmama want her covered up. She is.
Pressley is going for the Next Level. She has already won the local state fair title, so this is a huge deal, step up. Pressley wants to wear white. Mom wants bright colors. Pressley tries on white. Paige asks if she is wearing pink underwear. She is. "It's just so obvious. We don't want the judges distracted." It's another cover your cookie moment. In this case, it's "put the lid on the jar sister." Paige says Jared sounds like he just discovered the tablet of Moses. Pressley ends up by saying that "If they did call my name at Miss Tennessee once, I would just fall on the floor and cry." No honey, that's when your mama gets the gown bill.
- slow down and make better choices
- reinterpret life and have more realistic expectations
- choose the very best from all the good
- and pursue God in a life-changing way
I can dig that. 40 days on the road does that too. Anyway, Shanese did not have good self-esteem until she met Miss Tiffany. Money was an issue because they had so many children under one roof. Paige says that Shanese wasn't fed with a silver spoon, more like a plastic spoon. Shanese gets a $2250 yellow gown donated by Paige so that she can compete in Miss Tennessee Teen USA. She is beautiful. She gets third runner up in her first pageant!
Then we have the obligatory "isn't mama a scream" moment. She brings donuts in and asks Jared "Don't you like donuts? It looks like you do." Paige says "We better all get an um-brella because it. is. going to hit the fan."
Next comes Madison. She is 17 and needs to look 24 (big surprise). Her dress ends of costing $2,390. Her talent is yodeling. Paige says "I don't know much about yodeling but it does seem Miss Tennessee." She wins. Then is Ellen. She was Miss Tennessee 2008 and is hosting the FallFest. She is also engaged and has a very big ring. That's what you get by being Miss Tennessee. Paige dressed her for the Miss America pageant. Her teeth look like one of those flipper things the girls wear in Toddlers and Tiaras. She chooses a red dress.Brittny (no typo) is going for Miss Fall Fest. Paige was Miss Fall Fest in 19something so it is very dear to her. When she walks in, Paige asks how the piano is going. She's doing a lot better at it. Brittny will play the Tennessee Waltz. She was singing, but she wasn't very good and she has to have a talent for Miss America. Her dress has to look so good "that no one notices how bad I am at piano." Before Brittny bought gowns from Paige, she was placing but not winning. Now she buys all her gowns from Paige and wins. Paige says "If you perform like a 2 you have to look like a 10." Brittny says "I'll look like I can play."When they find the right dress, Paige says they "hit the rhinestone on the crown, kinda like the nail on the head." After the contest, Paige said "Brittny did all she could do on the piano and she looked good doing it." By the way, Brittny is 17 and looks 24.
Well, Joann's Gowns is "where queens shop and jaws drop. I wanna get me somma that. Look for more about Union City. Enough to break your heart. Lyrics: "We can take a trip out of this place, I get sick of it let's get away.
Paige gained 131 friends on Facebook and 2735 likes on Glamour Belles.