Woody & My IBF

Temporary tooth. Life is good. Tried to find good pair of black pants. Ever notice that when you are actually looking for something, it is impossible to find? Went to most expensive part of Neiman Marcus. Bad saleswoman. Life sucks. Moved down one floor. Nice saleslady, two pairs of pants. Life good again. Studs for son's first black tie event. This is Christopher. He is very nice. Life really good again. Gourmet marshmallows come. Yuk. Life is.. well, I don't know. On way home, neat farm equipment but minivan blocks my view.


Deadliest Catch. Everybody sucks. Captain Keith calls daughter Bug for good luck stuff. She says to pull out hair, hold it under your left nostril and think of what you want. Kinda funny visual. Sees rainbow. Knocks wood. Nothing. "Throwing darts at a dart board and not even hitting the wall." Partner boat almost finished for season. Captain Keith decides to go there even though he doesn't want to go on someone else's crab. Uh-oh. Time Bandit there. They are not friends. Keith has $2 million boat payment to make. Hillstrand has $50,000 Corvette payment to make. Keith decides to go ahead. Fuck it.


CM captain says BOAT stands for blow out another thousand (I think that's right, it's the idea anyhow). Jake Harris gets turn as captain. Splits first buoy. That means he ran over it and has to back up. He says he looks like he's drinkin' and drivin'.  Sorta funny because he was an addict last season. The Cornelia Marie is a big rig. Ripped another buoy off. Did ok after that. Turns out Jake is smoking weed. No more driving for him.

The Hillstrands shoot a buoy named for a former crew member. With an AK47. Bad juju gone. Not for me: stink bug in hair. Twice. Turns out not for them either. Serves them right. Gloated all last year.

Seabrooke sucks as bad as everyone else. Junior fires one guy and threatens bait boy (greenhorn Kyle who served in Iraq for 15 months) with same fate.  Kyle quits. Captain Junior shows nasty amputated finger from his first trip. Caught it in engine room. Taped hand to throttle because it was infected and he couldn't hold on. Fortunately, that was a while ago. Caught ton of starfish. This is bad because they are bottom feeders and compete with the crabs. Where there are starfish there are not crabs. It may not have been this boat, I can't remember. Now good crab. Seabrooke rocks again.

Captain Eliot on ratty Rambin' Rose under pressure to perform because it's his first time. Gets some small numbers but is really psyched. I like Eliot. Has to go in early and short or wait and have dead crab because processor changes his schedule. Sucks. Calls Sig. Sucks even more.

Kodiak doing well in Crab Count but still no footage. Captain really must have pissed some camera man off. Refuse to watch Hogs Gone Wild.

Price of waterfront house went down. Do I want to leave this? Peas coming up. Well, I have an awful lot of dandelions to pull. Think about it.

Go to grocery store. Free mac 'n cheese and 2-liter of Coke with rotisserie chicken purchase. If that wasn't great enough, two absolutely beautiful black men in tight Underarmour, long braids and blinding smiles. Must be athletes. Pretend to watch other guy in self-check line so that they wouldn't see me gawking. They're probably used to it. So dumbstruck that I forgot to take a picture. Damn. Coulda been next imaginary boyfriends.