2:48 AM |
Poor me. Woody is covered with water. No other car at this Holiday Inn is covered with water. I asked the desk guy and he said it rained last night. So how come it only rained on me? I really needed to clean Woody out anyway, so I pulled everything out to reorganize. The front passenger side is soaked, all the way down through the basket I put all my crap in, through two layers of carpet floor mats (I didn't know I had two sets), to the carpet on the floor. Pulled mats out. Pulled basket out. Put mats on hood of car. Hood of car is wet, you idiot. Left them there anyhow. All my book maps are wet and I don't use GPS. I'm really freestylin' now. My tootsie pop box is soaked. Fortunately, all the little wrappers are okay so I just dumped them directly in the basket. Threw out about 10 pounds (truly) of visitor information stuff. Handed the bag to guy at front desk. I didn't want to shove it all into trashcan in lobby. He put it on the floor. Found Historic Ruth's Blue Monday candy bar (squished), Historic Ruth's bourbon balls (melting), four pralines (bonanza!), and peanut M&Ms packed at start of trip but AWOL since then. Also box of tea (I only drink Irish Breakfast, double strength, with milk, but I am drinking coffee now).
Back of Woody is a mess. Sewanee spirit gear tucked in all over the place. Purple t-shirts, YSR (Yea, Sewanee's Right) insulated cups, Sewanee Dad baseball cap and who knows what else I bought in my hooray-my-son's-actually-going-to-college euphoria. Kentucky license plate birdhouse (I forgot I bought it) is real problem as it is a shape that fits nowhere. Deciding whether to stow coolant, Sta-bil, two bottles of oil and spray graphite in tail gate as the key doesn't work all the time. Repack bag with cold weather outerwear and threw handwarmers in there. Found other handwarmers later and didn't want to climb over the back seat again, so threw them out. Exchanged positions of pants duffel bag and bring-your-crap-into-hotel duffel bag. Put clogs into Girl Scout cookie box. I only ate three boxes so far, but there's still a little extra room. Put wet mats back on top of everything. Tried to rearrange art. Dr. Bob's onionhead is now in a slot. Earl's blue truck is more difficult. Put it under towel and hanging bag for fancy dresses.
Left Do Not Disturb sign on hotel door so that I can get my special Preferred Member late checkout. No free breakfast. Stayed at a Holiday Inn instead of a Holiday Inn Express. Shame on me. They have a restaurant and so you have to pay for everything you eat. Had coffee from lobby pitcher.
Pull out guidebooks. Nothing to do in Mobile but eat at Roadfood recommended place. Had to do it. Drove 20 minutes to Dew Drop Inn. Definitely worth it. The place is a little luncheonette kind of thing. Two policemen going in (to eat). Good sign. Nobody said anything about Woody. Ambivalent sign.
Blogger ate my post. From here forward is a reconstruction. My fingers are sore and I can’t sleep. Spent two hours trying to get it back in about a billion different ways. Bottom line: Don’t compose on Blogger. Compose first then upload so you have a copy. Moving on…
Local cops eating. Good sign. Servers won’t meet eye. Bad sign. Line forming for table. Good sign. Ordered special. Catfish and two sides. I chose fried pickles and stewed okra and tomatoes. Starch of choice: hush puppies. Plate came loaded with fish, okra, hush puppies, pickles and onion rings and french fries and the check, tucked under the food. That’s under-promising and over-delivering if I ever saw it. I don’t know how they do it, but they appear to use no oil in deep frying at the Dew Drop. The catfish is white and flaky and really crispy on the outside, but absolutely no oil. The fried pickles are (obviously) fried but have no oil. The onion rings have no oil. The hush puppies have no oil. It is the new miracle cooking method. I bet you could lose fifty pounds by eating only fried foods. The okra, on the other hand, is not fried. It is stewed and comes with a spoon. The fried pickles are exactly how you expect them to be. A family friend said they are terrible. They ate them at the wrong place, one that fries with oil. The pickles were so hot temperature-wise that I had to open my mouth a little to let the steam out. Chased it with sweet tea. The sweet tea was ever-flowing. A positive. The french fries suck. A negative. They should have stuck to what I ordered. However, an exemplary meal overall. I wish they had pie. No desserts.
It is okay to use GPS in city. Set GPS to go north to Unclaimed Baggage place. Will be at least six hours but I am doing everything in my power to keep from visiting family in Orlando. Get on I-whatever. Think about getting long-sleeved shirts and sweaters out. Got off I-whatever. Got on I-whatever in opposite direction back to beach. Pass Denbo’s Smoke House, a small yellow building with dark people painted on it, sort of a cross between Aunt Jemima and Little Black Sambo, with some lawn jockey thrown in. I love this kind of place. In my experience, they usually have large black men cooking and/or wielding the huge knife. I really want to go in. I have had too much to eat at the Dew Drop. Should have just asked them if I could smell the meat. Drove around a lot of little towns with nothing in between them. Felt better. Saw small brown signs. Ferry. Bellingrath Gardens. I had read that Bellingrath has an explosion of azalea blooms at the end of February or the beginning of March. It is then. Drive for a while. No more signs. Stop for gas and Krispy Kreme. And directions. This is Doug and Roger. Richard came out later and didn’t want to be in the picture. Doug has a twelve pack of some beer with a blue and silver label. He is working at the church, doing construction. There are no jobs closer. Ask cashier for directions. Not too far off after all.
Headed out. Hit harbor. Think I’ve gone wrong way. Turn around. Go by Four Mile Road. Then Three Mile Road. Two Mile Road. One Mile Road. Does it go to Zero Mile Road? I’ll never find out because I got to Bellingrath before then. Saw pheasant. Now lots of other chickens. Peacock, pheasant, duck. Walked/ran twenty minutes to house. I am always five minutes late, but am on time this time. Tour already started. Too many bugs outside to wait. Was pushy. Joined tour. Saw a lot of porcelain. A lot. Including baby doll heads and limbs. I wouldn’t be able to sleep. Man made money from Coke (as did every other rich guy south of the Mason Dixon). Our guide was very precise in her instructions. We were to wait at the end of the hall by the porcelain and not go further. Two of us did what we were told. The other one asked if I was a teacher. She is. She knows how to follow directions. Three dining rooms. One is always set for sixteen, but there are only ten seats and it looks to me like it would be pretty tight to put any more in there. I asked the guide if there were more leaves for the table. Yes, she said, and there are six more chairs around the room (you idiot, her tone said). Went to butler’s pantry. Fifteen sets of china and huge chest of silver. Now, as a well-bred young lady, I can spot 12 plates at 50 feet. These services were all for 12. I guarantee you. Resisted asking guide how they fed 16 on 12 plates. Ended tour at back door. River nice. Bugs not. Guide asks where we’re from. They usually do that when we start. I’m from a small town outside Philadelphia (no, Pennsylvania, not Mississippi) and I’ve driven my 70 year-old car 3200 miles so far. Oh, I was thinking maybe one of the people I would have has that car (and she hoped it wouldn’t be me). You go fast. Yes. I gave you lots of room. Good idea. I have no power steering and no power brakes and I drive 2 tons of steel at 70 miles per hour. 
Pick through garden for azaleas. Lot of them. No flowers. Some flowering camellias every now and then for diversion. This is the sum total of the azalea blossoms at Bellingrath. It cost me $18 and no AAA discount. 
Decided to go to ferry on Dauphin Island. See sign. I’m on Dauphin Island. So I need to go to ferry to get off of Dauphin Island. Queue up. I have no idea when they run or how often. Sign. Every hour and a half. Now you know that I am always five minutes late, so I’m guessing that no matter when they are scheduled, I will have to wait one hour and twenty-five minutes. The ferry cannot be sweet-talked. Opened window and put feet out. Ate Historic Ruth’s Blue Monday candy bar. Like cream candy but flatter and covered with chocolate. Good. Doesn’t even matter that it’s squished. Relax. For five minutes. It is time to go on ferry. Wow. This never happens to me. Got good position, right in front in the center lane. The two side lanes get off last, even though they were ahead in the queue. This is Steven. He collects the money. Wanted to trade free ferry ride for Woody. Told him it doesn’t work that way. 
This is Carol and Leonard. And this is Howard and I don't remember his wife because she has big white sunglasses on and her head in the trunk most of the time. There was also a guy in a Vietnam ball cap that was the spitting image of my ex-husband. I asked him where he served. He told me exactly. I had no idea where those places were so I nodded and paid at lot of attention to the rest of his story. He was originally airborne, but then did some other stuff in the Army. 
This is the Bishops. John and Mary are from the Illinois side of St. Louis. They think I should bring Woody under the arch. Mary was a school teacher. She taught third grade which she really liked. She used to teach first grade. Then 200 teachers were laid off. She was one. She waited until the fall and got a job in fourth grade. And finally third grade. She has a good pension. She goes with her girlfriends on vacation because he doesn’t like to travel. They drove down one side of the Mississippi and up the other. It was fun. John works in a printing shop. They did the stickers on the credit cards with the numbers you have to call to activate. He also had the client everyone dreaded. The chocolate lady. She had a pink dress on her card and wanted the background to be milk chocolate. They couldn’t get the chocolate just the right color until John added just one drop of a special water-soluble paint. Bingo. He always came home with a lot of different shades of brown on his clothes during that job. When I go to St. Louis, I am to tell them that the Bishops sent me. This is Woody. And this is the wheelhouse.
This is Sean. He has been working on the ferry for two years. He used to be a deckhand on a boat that didn’t fish. It delivered stuff to an oil-drilling platform. That one. I asked if they call the platforms anything special. They call that one The Ox. He doesn’t know why. He said that the water is only 12 feet deep and they drill the depth of 3 Empire State Buildings. There is a sign next to the wheelhouse telling all about it. When I checked later, it said 20,000 feet. That’s deep. I asked Sean if they saw much of the oil spill (that required Biloxi to post the Oil Spill Distress Hotline). Not really. The Ox is natural gas. Sean has his captain’s license but there are already three captains. Plus he was stuck in one of those really, really, really freaky storms where the winds were 150 to 160 miles an hour. He is glad now to have regular hours. Due to my great field position, I was first off. The guy had to grab his bicycle and get down to the gates before we got there.Headed off to the most beautiful beach colony ever. There were little pastel houses that looked like sugar cubes stuck on toothpicks with bubble gum wrappers for hats. There were pine trees in long stretches between the clumps of houses. No gas stations. No restaurants. No nothing. Just sand and waves and peace. Kept on driving. Sign saying Duck Season Over January 10.
Pass state park beach pavilion with goofy modern architecture. Swoopy roof. Great beach. Guy with small asian girl. I can't reach the soap. Come on honey I'll take you in, I say. Ready for a big boost? Washes hands vigorously as I wash the soap off her elbows. I push dryer button. She pushes dryer button. Nothing. Now I'm not going to send this girl to her daddy with wet hands. I put my shirt out. Dry them on here. She does with no hesitation. Back to dad. This is Barb and Leo. They are from Canada and take pictures of Woody with a really serious looking camera. They just got here so they don't have any recommendations.
Drive some more. Now gas stations. Now restaurants. Now tattoo parlors! I didn’t stop. I really want to watch. I promise myself I’ll go tonight when more drunk people decide to get tats. Discover treadmill of Pensacola. I had read about a place to eat that is right on the beach and kind of divey. Perfect. It’s in Destin, an hour and a half away. It’s still the afternoon so that’s great. If Kentucky has the black hole of Elizabethtown and Clarkesdale still has a rubber band on my heart, then Pensacola has the treadmill. An hour later I stopped for a Coke. Where are we? Pensacola. Bought a bag of Baby Back Rib flavored potato chips. They were just next to BBQ flavor in same color bag. Had two. They sucked. Ate pralines that I found this morning. An hour later stopped for gas. Guy on dark red motorcycle talks to Woody. Wants to see the engine. My kind of guy. Calls me darlin’. I’m in love. Richard gave me his card so I can update him on my progress. He needs a pen to scratch out his sister's number. Like I'm going to call his sister. I am going to Cedar Key next. Richard’s from Steenhatchee! I am to tell them that Richard sent me. He is a land clearer. Richard gives me good directions even though sometimes they feel wrong to me. Cool girl at tollbooth says Dude, nice car. I didn’t know I was a dude but no matter. I am in Pensacola. Getting late. May never eat at chosen restaurant. See Olive Garden, Italian Restaurant next Seoul Garden, Japanese Restaurant. I can’t make this stuff up.See billboard with familiar H with modern cross bar. But it’s blue. I thought that there were only Holiday Inns and Holiday Inn Expresses and all their H’s are green. Maybe this is something new. Holiday Inn Deluxe? Holiday Inn By The Sea? I get close enough to read the sign. Harbor something, a boutique hotel. Well I’ve been working like a dog trying to get clear of Pensacola so I deserved a treat. The boutique hotel it is. The slender pregnant girl at the desk said there are only “city” view rooms. That means street views. Red Lobster views. I asked if I could ask personal question. How tall are you? I expected her to say 5’8” or 5’9”. Five foot eleven! She likes it. She should like it more so that she wouldn’t slouch. Guess what? Room is $49! Last time I was in Destin was Beach Week 1980 with the fratty club. They didn't have hotels here. They didn't have gas stations. They didn't have chain restaurants. They had motels and dive bars. We had a whole motel on the beach. The brothers made moon-a-mids on the beach, quite the feat when so drunk can't stand up. I still have the picture of my College-boyfriend imaginary boyfriend and me. We wore Dolphin shorts and aviator sunglasses. Because the first Preppy Handbook was a best seller, we also wore Izod shirts. They were not Lacoste that my son has to have and are $85. Back then Izods and Lacostes were the same thing. They were $30 which was a lot to pay for a piece of cotton, short-sleeved at that. Back to boutique hotel. Take elevator. Notice that carpet needs vacuuming. Get to room. Undress. Go to world’s smallest bathroom. Center of hot water shower handle missing. And the toilet is dirty. I don’t do dirty toilets. It’s a hygiene thing. On the way down realize hotel is motel with stairs closed in. I tell tall girl that I am not staying. She offers another room. I don’t think so. Get on iPad to find next Holiday Inn Express. Go there. Peek in lobby. Doesn’t look like they have gotten on the new look bandwagon. Turn around. Drive back to huge Holiday Inn (no Express) I saw on beach. Checked in. Funny as hell desk people. Two girls ask for duplicate room key. They are holding a half empty vodka bottle. They are about 14. We’ll have to see your I.D. the desk girl says. Really? I have to go back to the car. No we’re just kidding you. They go with their duplicate key. Desk guy said he checked their ID earlier. They are 23. Really. Girl gives me room key, Internet password and card for DVDs. And car mirror hang tag. The three letters the computer gives them are odd, with some good ones, she says. WTF. Go to room. Wedge-shaped because hotel is big cylinder. Soft and medium pillows, but no Smart Coffee because this is not an Express. Bathroom kind of dated. Thing on faucet that you pull up to make the shower turn on only goes half way. Shower and bath at once. Toilet’s continually running. I know how to fix that so I open the tank cover. They have black mold. Isn’t that what they have to have guys in hazmat suits remove so that the children don’t die of asthma? Must be a beach thing.
Too late for room service. Can't drive at night now that guy told me I have no tail lights. Have to fix them tomorrow. I probably can by myself. Went to car for bourbon balls. Threw them out this morning. Guy making pizza delivery in bright purple car. Nearly bribed him to give it to me instead. Ate box of Girl Scout cookies.