11:06 PM |
It was only 4:30, and I wasn't quite ready to hit a Holiday Inn Express. Checked the map and saw that it wasn't too far to the other side of Baton Rouge. There was a cool place I wanted to stay at, The Cajun Village. They have shotgun shacks that you can rent for the night. They rescued them from somewhere else and they were genuine Cajun digs. This was very groovy, but a ways off the main road. I decided to take the I-whatever because it seemed like the nice road had a lot of stoplights at that point. I was getting fairly close to New Orleans, and was hoping I hadn't missed my turn to Darrow. Just then, the Attractions blue sign came up, with Cajun Village on it. I got off. I drove a fair bit toward Darrow, and found that I was in a swamp, sort of, between huge refineries. Shades of Huntington, West Virginia. Kept on driving. This seemed okay because Cajuns don't live near any I-whatevers. They do live on bayous, so this didn't look particularly promising. The marsh was too civilized. Kept on driving. Finally hit a tee in the road. Wasn't sure which way to go. Stopped in parking lot of some kind of convenience store/liquor store with a lot of black men hanging around in the parking lot. Now before Woody, I never would have stopped here, but now it's all good.
This is C.J. and Lee. Lee hesitated in speaking his name, so I wonder if this was an alias. Remember, I scare black people. I asked where I was. Darrow. Where you going? Don't know. What is there to do in Darrow. Drink (laugh). They were definitely drinking. So where can I get something to eat? There was a vacant stare. I was hoping to get a bead on some soul/southern/homemade/BBQ/fried chicken kind of place. Suddenly, a light. You go around here, it goes to a y, and then to the red light (they're never green lights or even traffic lights here, they're always red lights). (unintelligible) is there, and then (unintelligible) but I think they're closed. If not there, go to the blinking light and across the street is The Cabin. This was good. First, black people give good directions, as I've told you. Second, I was actually looking for The Cabin restaurant, because the shacks were supposed to be there.
Headed over, passing Bocuse and another big plantation, getting to the flashing light and finding The Cabin. I still hadn't heard from the shack lady, so I walked right in and asked if they had space. It turns out that The Cabin is owned by the same people, but they are nowhere near each other. I should call Theresa. I did. She answered. Theresa was very harried, as she had people coming over. She asked me for my name, address and credit card number. You know, she said, there won't be anyone over there but you. I'm okay, I live alone in the country. She told me to meet her at The Coffee House. I was there. It is part of Cajun Village. Cajun Village is sort of cute with all these rescued shacks and general mayhem like the Shack Up Inn. Turns out the cabins aren't there. They are just down the street on a little gravel road. It is getting dark. My husband will be up in five or six minutes, she said. I slapped a mosquito. Phone rings. My husband is there. Okay, where is there? Honey, you are just going to have to get yourself turned right. She said this in an annoyed manner. I am getting kind of weirded out. I just sat there. Couldn't get directions right at all. I decided to leave. Oh shit, I'm locked in. The Coffee House girl just left and shut the gates behind her. Called Theresa. They're not locked. Opened gate. Got on iPad to see if Bocuse had any rooms. They do. Saw headlights in my rear view mirror. I knew very well that this was husband, but I didn't want to stay in the shacks anymore. I was scared. I seem to have a very poor attitude when it's dark and I'm tired. He pulled up. I took off. He whistled. I took off even faster. He followed me. I pretended I didn't see him. He kept on following me. I was flying through all the refineries with swamp on either side and no shoulder. I was going 55 at least, and couldn't see the curves. Remember, Woody's lights suck and I am blind at night. I was sure I was going to be a plate of liver with a nice Chianti. I dodged off at the last second before a bridge. He flew by. I kept on scrambling through the refineries. More lights behind me. Did he know the back way around? Holy shit. Drove another 5 miles in I don't know what direction but these are different refineries. All of the pipes and tubes and stuff are lit up, just like in Huntington. I just needed to get the hell out of there. And then a sign: Bocuse 5.3 miles. Prayed lights behind me weren't husband. Headed to Bocuse.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, assorted miscreants: Get your ass to this Holiday Inn Express, conveniently located just outside New Orleans. You know this hotel is something special when you walk in. There is music playing which may or may not be a good thing, as you never know if this encourages people in the room next door to really blast it. Cool sofa. When you check in, my girl Stacy will give you directions on how to use your shower. Now this may sound odd, but you gotta check this thing out. Even Monmouth doesn't have one of these. There is still the soap you can't get out without a scissors, but you don't need it because there is actually body wash in the shower. Extra towels are in drawers below the sink. There is a groovy translucent fan and a gigantic chair and ottoman with room enough for two. Flat screen. Whatever you call that sink that's over the counter and not under it. Jade green glass countertop. They didn't forget my choice of pillows, and they have Smart Coffee, with a Cuisinart coffee maker. Orange Pekoe and Black Cut Pekoe, caffeinated and decaf. $103. My imaginary boyfriend and I are very, very happy, even though I can't get the shower to work quite right.
Had rest of Historic Ruths caramels for dinner. Signed up for bonus 3,000 points on Holiday Inn Express Priority Member site. I am going to take another shower is the morning.
This is C.J. and Lee. Lee hesitated in speaking his name, so I wonder if this was an alias. Remember, I scare black people. I asked where I was. Darrow. Where you going? Don't know. What is there to do in Darrow. Drink (laugh). They were definitely drinking. So where can I get something to eat? There was a vacant stare. I was hoping to get a bead on some soul/southern/homemade/BBQ/fried chicken kind of place. Suddenly, a light. You go around here, it goes to a y, and then to the red light (they're never green lights or even traffic lights here, they're always red lights). (unintelligible) is there, and then (unintelligible) but I think they're closed. If not there, go to the blinking light and across the street is The Cabin. This was good. First, black people give good directions, as I've told you. Second, I was actually looking for The Cabin restaurant, because the shacks were supposed to be there. 
Headed over, passing Bocuse and another big plantation, getting to the flashing light and finding The Cabin. I still hadn't heard from the shack lady, so I walked right in and asked if they had space. It turns out that The Cabin is owned by the same people, but they are nowhere near each other. I should call Theresa. I did. She answered. Theresa was very harried, as she had people coming over. She asked me for my name, address and credit card number. You know, she said, there won't be anyone over there but you. I'm okay, I live alone in the country. She told me to meet her at The Coffee House. I was there. It is part of Cajun Village. Cajun Village is sort of cute with all these rescued shacks and general mayhem like the Shack Up Inn. Turns out the cabins aren't there. They are just down the street on a little gravel road. It is getting dark. My husband will be up in five or six minutes, she said. I slapped a mosquito. Phone rings. My husband is there. Okay, where is there? Honey, you are just going to have to get yourself turned right. She said this in an annoyed manner. I am getting kind of weirded out. I just sat there. Couldn't get directions right at all. I decided to leave. Oh shit, I'm locked in. The Coffee House girl just left and shut the gates behind her. Called Theresa. They're not locked. Opened gate. Got on iPad to see if Bocuse had any rooms. They do. Saw headlights in my rear view mirror. I knew very well that this was husband, but I didn't want to stay in the shacks anymore. I was scared. I seem to have a very poor attitude when it's dark and I'm tired. He pulled up. I took off. He whistled. I took off even faster. He followed me. I pretended I didn't see him. He kept on following me. I was flying through all the refineries with swamp on either side and no shoulder. I was going 55 at least, and couldn't see the curves. Remember, Woody's lights suck and I am blind at night. I was sure I was going to be a plate of liver with a nice Chianti. I dodged off at the last second before a bridge. He flew by. I kept on scrambling through the refineries. More lights behind me. Did he know the back way around? Holy shit. Drove another 5 miles in I don't know what direction but these are different refineries. All of the pipes and tubes and stuff are lit up, just like in Huntington. I just needed to get the hell out of there. And then a sign: Bocuse 5.3 miles. Prayed lights behind me weren't husband. Headed to Bocuse. Hit another plantation I was sure was Bocuse but it wasn't. I wasn't sure if I passed Bocuse or if it was farther down the road. I stopped in this driveway to get on my iPad again. In retrospect, I'm not sure what I was trying to find on the iPad, because it is not a GPS, and even if it were, I didn't know the address of where the two plantations are. Car pulls up behind me in the driveway blocking me in. My life is over. Twenty-something urbanitekay. Pulled in driveway because they were now blocking me in. Went around huge parking lot and blindingly lit plantation. Phone ringing. I know it's Theresa, and I'm ignoring it. If husband caught up with me, I thought I'd pretend I wasn't me, but he already knows what my car looks like, and you just can't hide Woody. I thought I'd pretend anyhow. I thought of him making Theresa call me again and note that the phone in the car was ringing. I decided to make a run for it, hoping Bocuse was down the road, and I hadn't missed it. Lights behind me. Squeal into Bocuse driveway. Lights go past. I was safe. But there was only one car in the lot. I just couldn't.
Sped out, hoping that this was the right road, pretty sure it was, but lately my directions have been all messed up. Ten minutes. Seems to be more cars driving up there. Get there. Lights are refineries. Keep on going, holding breath. Hallelujah! I-whatever. I have never been so happy to see an I. Stopped for gas. Checked iPad for nearest Holiday Inn Express. Baton Rouge, no. New Orleans Airport, no. La Place. Where the fuck is La Place? Wherever it is, I am finding it. Fly down I-whatever. Getting close to New Orleans. Giving up. Will stay at any airport hotel, even though I hate airport hotels. Just then, a sign. Holiday Inn Express! I get off I-whatever and go the wrong way. Turn around, very close to going on the wrong side of divided highway. I told you, I don't see well in the dark. Someone should take me off the road. Tried other side. Could not see it, but.... A small green sign at the McDonald's. Holiday Inn Express.
Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, assorted miscreants: Get your ass to this Holiday Inn Express, conveniently located just outside New Orleans. You know this hotel is something special when you walk in. There is music playing which may or may not be a good thing, as you never know if this encourages people in the room next door to really blast it. Cool sofa. When you check in, my girl Stacy will give you directions on how to use your shower. Now this may sound odd, but you gotta check this thing out. Even Monmouth doesn't have one of these. There is still the soap you can't get out without a scissors, but you don't need it because there is actually body wash in the shower. Extra towels are in drawers below the sink. There is a groovy translucent fan and a gigantic chair and ottoman with room enough for two. Flat screen. Whatever you call that sink that's over the counter and not under it. Jade green glass countertop. They didn't forget my choice of pillows, and they have Smart Coffee, with a Cuisinart coffee maker. Orange Pekoe and Black Cut Pekoe, caffeinated and decaf. $103. My imaginary boyfriend and I are very, very happy, even though I can't get the shower to work quite right. 
Had rest of Historic Ruths caramels for dinner. Signed up for bonus 3,000 points on Holiday Inn Express Priority Member site. I am going to take another shower is the morning.
Holiday Inn Express : LA PLACE
 |  | 4284 Highway 51 La Place LA 70068 United States |