5:24 PM |
Day 17. I have no idea where I am. Am supposed to be at a Hampton Inn & Suites. It is exactly exactly like the Comfort Suites with the two windows down to the decor and signage. Look for corporate link. There is none. At all. Does this decorator sell its services at hotel trade shows? What about "corporate identity"? I have no idea at all where I am. Hello, management. I have no idea where I am. Get it? The only hotel that is markedly different is the Ramada Whatever that I wholeheartedly reject for hit parade. At 50% more money than anywhere else, it has no hot breakfast (not that I eat it anyhow as I am more for carbs that are a waste of calories) and one of the guests was in the breakfast area with a shower cap on. It is not genteel. Ubiquitous decorator will not help. Also bad fung sui with with the head of the bed two feet from toilet. What can you expect from Huntington WV though?
Palm is still itchy from bee sting but you cannot put cortisone cream on itchy palm and then try to steer. Also, I think an itchy palm says that money will be coming your way. Or that you masturbate too much. Oh, that's hairy palms. Sting has a scab on it and remember I have not been scratching. Can't let go of the steering wheel. It is about as big as a wire hanger's diameter. While that may not seem big, for a bee sting it definitely is.
Delighted that case of Maker's Mark Mint Julep is still in Woody. This was the first time I worried. Hit I-whatever. Couldn't do it. Plus I am hungry and there is never anything good to eat on an I-whatever. Plus the time changed so I'm not sure whether it is breakfast or lunch time or something in between. Check map and see that the I-whatever goes northeast and then southeast forming an upside down vee. There is a road that goes straight east and from what I can tell it cuts off about an hour of driving. And it is one of those littler roads that has good food on it. Also notice that has dotted line scenic route notation. Find out it is the Midland Trail. Hit Route 70. Route 70 goes along the river and is gorgeous until the towns of Rand, DuPont and Belle. Belle is not belle at all. There are some kind of factories or chemical plants or whatever all along the river. I understand the historical necessity of the location (water transportation and whatever raw materials are used) but I am stunned. I cannot get over the stark contrast between the natural beauty and industrial blight. There is a ball field with a sign on it that sits amongst huge rusting dump trucks. I am not sure this is scenic. Get out of yucky towns and go look for nicer towns or at least nicer home cooking places or nicer anything. Get wish. With strings attached.
Yesterday saw a sign that said in big black spray paint We [heart] Our Hill. I do not [heart] hills toady. According to GPS I am only losing 15 minutes by taking this route. The river views have been stunning. However, Route 60 is not a straight road. It has switchbacks and 9% grades and grueling driving and no restaurants just like in West Virginia. Doh. This is West Virginia. Try to make best of West Virginia mountains. There are no restaurants in 120 miles of s-turns. No one here can afford to go to a restaurant. See abandoned buildings with new vinyl sign. It is/was a coal mine. Oh man. Didn't think about West Virginia coal. Only outraged about fracking. They do not have it good in West Virginia. There are some Discount Groceries and little Kwik/Stop/Mart/Shops but no Minis. And a whole lot of bars/taverns/places-to-drink. This is coal country when no coal is being mined. At least by union members. Stop for gas. T-shirt in window is black and has COAL on the back. Compelled to go outside and read front: 'Bout All I Know Is Mining, and www.remembertheminers.org in little letters. See Wreck-A-Mended. I have now lost nearly and hour according to smarty pants GPS.
Pass River Falls or Falls River which has an Inn that has been there since 1863 or something. It is very swanky and I do not stop. Amidst the general squalor during my ride see candle store, art pottery store and quilt shop. All very professional and all very out of place. Eventually get to Rupert. There are Rotary and Elks signs at town limits. The Rotarians and Elks must have to have someplace to meet so there must be a restaurant here somewhere. Go to MacDonald's due to desperate need to pee. Buy small french fries as it is my luck that if I buy lunch I will see the restaurant I am looking for on the next block. Google Rupert restaurants. MacDonald's. Try again even though I'm not sure that it's different this way but get Carriage Cafe that has review by guy who travels a lot for business and likes small town restaurants. He likes it. Put Carriage Cafe in GPS. It is three blocks away. Arrive At Destination On Left. There is no Carriage Cafe. Go up and back the two blocks several times and assume that the Spicy Tomato is where the Carriage Cafe was. I do not like pizza and pasta in my small town restaurants. I like home-peeled sweet potatoes. Pass Carriage something and screech to a stop. It is a produce place. Pass Carriage Realty. I am now six miles from the I-whatever. I could have just driven on the I-whatever and saved an hour. I am really really hungry.
Pass sign with Welcome Miners on it. They have 30 packs of Natural Light for $14.99. I think that is awfully cheap. They also have Linda's Restaurant. Home cooking. This is Linda's. This time I am smart and ask if I pay before or after I eat. After. Not the best fried chicken I have ever had but good ham. I wonder if this is country ham. Also amazing baked macaroni. It has bread crumbs and ham in it and no cheese. The scalloped potatoes are divine. Can't figure out why they are different from anything else on trip. Then it came to me. They have garlic in them. I have not had any garlic in anything I have eaten for over two weeks. This is my lunch plate at Linda's.
Linda has jet black-dyed puffy hair and a black apron on. She scoots in a booth next to a woman with her husband across the table. They gossip for my entire meal. Meanwhile I eat what I believe to be spice cake from a Styrofoam plate which is unusual for these kind of places. The plate I mean. At the next table is a man eating by himself and across the aisle is a woman eating by herself. The waitress and jack-of-all-trades asks Ruby if she needs more coffee. I go to pay. Not-Linda is crushing ice in a green cooler with embossed deer on it. She is crushing it with a hammer. Go to pay and not-Linda has to go back and get her breaker because the register is off again. Hits wrong breaker and lights flicker. Hits right breaker and I pay. Drive through back of small lot that is marked Exit. You go clean up to a white building and turn right into the alley. Right in front of you on the white building is a faded stick-the-letters-in-the-slots lighted sign that says Drive Thru Biscuits. Open 5 a.m. I am not sure if this is real or if it is a relic. Note to self: go to alley in back of Linda's in Rupert WV at 5 a.m. and see if there are biscuits.
Get into groove with truck. Need gas. Loose groove. Lots of trucks at this gas stop so get in groove with another truck. At I-someotherwhatever, trucks go one way and I go another. Blue truck honks at me. I honk back. It has been nice. Three more hours to Richmond to see sister and niece and nephew. Try to occupy mind with something and am largely unsuccessful. Get Tootsie Pops for quick sugar fix. Stay awake. Cannot find Hampton Inn. GPS has screwed me again. Figure it out but all the streets in Richmond are divided and I almost go into the wrong way side and get potentially get killed. Finally make several u-turns and am almost finding my way into Hampton Inn when I am stuck through 4 cycles of traffic lights with only double red arrows on left turn. Fuck it. Turn anyway. Asshole just coming down the road behind me yells "way to run the red light" like he has any idea how long I have been waiting. Get to hotel. Sister gets to hotel. Go for Vietnamese dinner. Having reentry problems. Head is spinning from talking to four people at one table. Have gifts for niece. Forget about nephew. Shit. Dash for "home." Look up remembertheminers. It is a big feel good for the mining companies but I appreciate miners and I should remember. Here is Mike Rowe talking about it:
We like Mike Rowe because of Deadliest Catch and if he likes miners I do too.
This is a nifty cammo hat you can buy from the Remember The Miners store. Note to self: order Remember The Miners hat.
By the way, I am in Virginia.
Here are places I like in West Virginia:
The Greenbrier
Here are places I do not like in West Virginia:
Everywhere else.
Palm is still itchy from bee sting but you cannot put cortisone cream on itchy palm and then try to steer. Also, I think an itchy palm says that money will be coming your way. Or that you masturbate too much. Oh, that's hairy palms. Sting has a scab on it and remember I have not been scratching. Can't let go of the steering wheel. It is about as big as a wire hanger's diameter. While that may not seem big, for a bee sting it definitely is.
Delighted that case of Maker's Mark Mint Julep is still in Woody. This was the first time I worried. Hit I-whatever. Couldn't do it. Plus I am hungry and there is never anything good to eat on an I-whatever. Plus the time changed so I'm not sure whether it is breakfast or lunch time or something in between. Check map and see that the I-whatever goes northeast and then southeast forming an upside down vee. There is a road that goes straight east and from what I can tell it cuts off about an hour of driving. And it is one of those littler roads that has good food on it. Also notice that has dotted line scenic route notation. Find out it is the Midland Trail. Hit Route 70. Route 70 goes along the river and is gorgeous until the towns of Rand, DuPont and Belle. Belle is not belle at all. There are some kind of factories or chemical plants or whatever all along the river. I understand the historical necessity of the location (water transportation and whatever raw materials are used) but I am stunned. I cannot get over the stark contrast between the natural beauty and industrial blight. There is a ball field with a sign on it that sits amongst huge rusting dump trucks. I am not sure this is scenic. Get out of yucky towns and go look for nicer towns or at least nicer home cooking places or nicer anything. Get wish. With strings attached.
Yesterday saw a sign that said in big black spray paint We [heart] Our Hill. I do not [heart] hills toady. According to GPS I am only losing 15 minutes by taking this route. The river views have been stunning. However, Route 60 is not a straight road. It has switchbacks and 9% grades and grueling driving and no restaurants just like in West Virginia. Doh. This is West Virginia. Try to make best of West Virginia mountains. There are no restaurants in 120 miles of s-turns. No one here can afford to go to a restaurant. See abandoned buildings with new vinyl sign. It is/was a coal mine. Oh man. Didn't think about West Virginia coal. Only outraged about fracking. They do not have it good in West Virginia. There are some Discount Groceries and little Kwik/Stop/Mart/Shops but no Minis. And a whole lot of bars/taverns/places-to-drink. This is coal country when no coal is being mined. At least by union members. Stop for gas. T-shirt in window is black and has COAL on the back. Compelled to go outside and read front: 'Bout All I Know Is Mining, and www.remembertheminers.org in little letters. See Wreck-A-Mended. I have now lost nearly and hour according to smarty pants GPS.
Pass River Falls or Falls River which has an Inn that has been there since 1863 or something. It is very swanky and I do not stop. Amidst the general squalor during my ride see candle store, art pottery store and quilt shop. All very professional and all very out of place. Eventually get to Rupert. There are Rotary and Elks signs at town limits. The Rotarians and Elks must have to have someplace to meet so there must be a restaurant here somewhere. Go to MacDonald's due to desperate need to pee. Buy small french fries as it is my luck that if I buy lunch I will see the restaurant I am looking for on the next block. Google Rupert restaurants. MacDonald's. Try again even though I'm not sure that it's different this way but get Carriage Cafe that has review by guy who travels a lot for business and likes small town restaurants. He likes it. Put Carriage Cafe in GPS. It is three blocks away. Arrive At Destination On Left. There is no Carriage Cafe. Go up and back the two blocks several times and assume that the Spicy Tomato is where the Carriage Cafe was. I do not like pizza and pasta in my small town restaurants. I like home-peeled sweet potatoes. Pass Carriage something and screech to a stop. It is a produce place. Pass Carriage Realty. I am now six miles from the I-whatever. I could have just driven on the I-whatever and saved an hour. I am really really hungry.
Pass sign with Welcome Miners on it. They have 30 packs of Natural Light for $14.99. I think that is awfully cheap. They also have Linda's Restaurant. Home cooking. This is Linda's. This time I am smart and ask if I pay before or after I eat. After. Not the best fried chicken I have ever had but good ham. I wonder if this is country ham. Also amazing baked macaroni. It has bread crumbs and ham in it and no cheese. The scalloped potatoes are divine. Can't figure out why they are different from anything else on trip. Then it came to me. They have garlic in them. I have not had any garlic in anything I have eaten for over two weeks. This is my lunch plate at Linda's.Linda has jet black-dyed puffy hair and a black apron on. She scoots in a booth next to a woman with her husband across the table. They gossip for my entire meal. Meanwhile I eat what I believe to be spice cake from a Styrofoam plate which is unusual for these kind of places. The plate I mean. At the next table is a man eating by himself and across the aisle is a woman eating by herself. The waitress and jack-of-all-trades asks Ruby if she needs more coffee. I go to pay. Not-Linda is crushing ice in a green cooler with embossed deer on it. She is crushing it with a hammer. Go to pay and not-Linda has to go back and get her breaker because the register is off again. Hits wrong breaker and lights flicker. Hits right breaker and I pay. Drive through back of small lot that is marked Exit. You go clean up to a white building and turn right into the alley. Right in front of you on the white building is a faded stick-the-letters-in-the-slots lighted sign that says Drive Thru Biscuits. Open 5 a.m. I am not sure if this is real or if it is a relic. Note to self: go to alley in back of Linda's in Rupert WV at 5 a.m. and see if there are biscuits.
Get into groove with truck. Need gas. Loose groove. Lots of trucks at this gas stop so get in groove with another truck. At I-someotherwhatever, trucks go one way and I go another. Blue truck honks at me. I honk back. It has been nice. Three more hours to Richmond to see sister and niece and nephew. Try to occupy mind with something and am largely unsuccessful. Get Tootsie Pops for quick sugar fix. Stay awake. Cannot find Hampton Inn. GPS has screwed me again. Figure it out but all the streets in Richmond are divided and I almost go into the wrong way side and get potentially get killed. Finally make several u-turns and am almost finding my way into Hampton Inn when I am stuck through 4 cycles of traffic lights with only double red arrows on left turn. Fuck it. Turn anyway. Asshole just coming down the road behind me yells "way to run the red light" like he has any idea how long I have been waiting. Get to hotel. Sister gets to hotel. Go for Vietnamese dinner. Having reentry problems. Head is spinning from talking to four people at one table. Have gifts for niece. Forget about nephew. Shit. Dash for "home." Look up remembertheminers. It is a big feel good for the mining companies but I appreciate miners and I should remember. Here is Mike Rowe talking about it:
We like Mike Rowe because of Deadliest Catch and if he likes miners I do too.
This is a nifty cammo hat you can buy from the Remember The Miners store. Note to self: order Remember The Miners hat.By the way, I am in Virginia.
Here are places I like in West Virginia:
The Greenbrier
Here are places I do not like in West Virginia:
Everywhere else.