11:00 PM |
Wake up in foul mood. Room just as crappy as I remember. Decide to miss breakfast as the famous cinnamon buns probably don't exist either. Will go to Starbucks. Ask for bookstore at front desk. There isn't one as usual but there is a sign on the counter that they are going through renovations and we shouldn't worry if the paper is peeling off the walls. Guess I didn't see it last night and probably wouldn't have cared anyhow. Starbucks is close. She finds me a bookstore but it isn't close. Wanting to make only one stop got on highway to bookstore. I am going north. My trip is south. But what the heck, really want to get to only bookstore in Midwest. Can't get out of parking lot. Can't get out of area with fast food places. Can't get onto the proceed to road. Get on Interstate in wrong direction. Get off Interstate. Can't figure out how to get back on Interstate in the right direction. Many u-turns. Finally head north for 15 minutes. GPS says I am there. I am not. There is no bookstore here. Maybe it is another one that went out of business. Work on finding place for u-turn. Caught in guitar store parking lot. Pull out. Bookstore! It was not on the sign with Dick's but there it is. Barnes & Noble. Does not look too open. How hard can it be to get to a bookstore in Cincinnati. Does no one read books anymore? Well on the Kindle or something said the guy at the Holiday Inn Express desk. I read books on my iPad because it can make the font bigger and since the damn Lasik I can no longer read normal fonts. However, Fodor's is not available in Kindle edition.
Poke around Barnes and Nobles. The travel section is arranged by region. I can get things for the Rocky Mountains. I can get things for Washington DC. I can even get stuff for Nepal but I cannot find anything at all on Missouri and Arkansas. Ask help desk guy (they call them "booksellers"). Told him the Midwest region is missing. He checks. It is. Maybe because nobody goes there, he said. I can order them. I told you that I am on a road trip to nowhere and I don't know where they'd send him. He shrugs and walks away. I was not snippy. I promise. This is the map section with no Arkansas map. I think it is supposed to be in the empty space next to Alaska.Order latte and greasy bacon and cheese sandwich that comes in the saran wrap that they microwave. Study map. Can't figure out how to get to Arkansas. Check email.
The dotted road is not exactly what I expected. It is scenic in that it is not a highway but does not run along the river as advertised. It is like West Virginia but not scary. Drive drive drive. I am trying to make time but do it pleasantly. Drive drive drive. Approach larger tiny town. Maybe this is where the Outlook is. Don't see it and don't go down the side streets to look either. Cross bridge. Not sure what river this is but it may or may not be the Ohio. Drive drive drive. Get to Leavenworth. Note picturesque Stephenson's General Store. Pass General Store. Regret it as it may be the last potty I see in another few hours. Tenth of a mile later see Outlook Restaurant! It is indeed on the river and has an unbelievable view. This is the Outlook. This is the sideways view from the Outlook.
This is a lovely family taking pictures by the Outlook. This is some coal barges. Oops. Didn't get coal barges in.
This is Stephenson's General Store. The outside says they have camping supplies. I guess there is a lot of camping around here. Ask counter lady. Yes they have a lot of state parks here and basically all the rest is okay for camping too. There is always enough room for everybody. Stephenson's also has a huge restroom. It seems that everyone around these parts likes to have large clean restrooms. Fine by me. In the restroom there is a ball jar with a pump on it for the soap. They are for sale except they are out of them right now.
Stephenson's also carries fancy soda. Here in the middle of nowhere. Stewart's. Jones. And Stephenson's General Store brand. Also Dad's red cream soda which still tickles me. Walk out with three sodas which is a bad idea because I usually buy a soda when I have to use the restroom. This is the sodas.
Poke around Barnes and Nobles. The travel section is arranged by region. I can get things for the Rocky Mountains. I can get things for Washington DC. I can even get stuff for Nepal but I cannot find anything at all on Missouri and Arkansas. Ask help desk guy (they call them "booksellers"). Told him the Midwest region is missing. He checks. It is. Maybe because nobody goes there, he said. I can order them. I told you that I am on a road trip to nowhere and I don't know where they'd send him. He shrugs and walks away. I was not snippy. I promise. This is the map section with no Arkansas map. I think it is supposed to be in the empty space next to Alaska.Order latte and greasy bacon and cheese sandwich that comes in the saran wrap that they microwave. Study map. Can't figure out how to get to Arkansas. Check email.
Today I have discovered that Ohio, Indiana and Kentucky are all the same place, and Kentucky goes all the way to California. Having to make time to get to Angola, hit road toward St. Louis. Wanted to see Missouri. Have to go through Kentucky as this is what you must do whenever you are driving somewhere. At first gas stop meet Larry. This is Larry. Larry delivers water heaters for Beard's and if I'm ever back there and I see the Beard's truck I should wave at him. Larry rides motorcycles and has lots of good geographical advice. Like you cannot cross the Ohio River in Louisville. Let me say this again. You. Can. Not. Cross. The. Ohio. River. You cannot escape Kentucky. I told you it runs all the way to California. You can't cross the Ohio because the bridge is out. Instead you must take I-65 north and then I-64 south again. It is very difficult to do this because everyone is doing it and you must go 10 miles an hour which is very hard in the woodster. Anyway, I like Larry. At the BP I also meet an 80 year old guy who expects me to be surprised he's 80. He is very hard working and has never taken a dime of welfare or food stamps and he raised four children and four grandchildren. He still works and has come here because his tractor is out of gas. Mr. I-never-found-out-who likes old cars. He is driving a 1966 Cadillac. It is huge. I ask him how he parks that thing. In his garage. The Lincoln Continental has to stay outside. Try to figure out where to go now that I realize I have to go over the headwaters of the Ohio to get any place west of here. Use largest, cleanest gas station restroom I have ever seen. Note to self: always go to BPs. After studying map, I tell Larry I'd like to go to this dotted line (scenic) road to Leavenworth. I got excited and then realized it is Leavenworth Indiana and not Kansas. Was excited to be doing the penitentiary tour of the central states. Larry shows me the bend in the road where there is a restaurant called the Outlook where you can sit about a hundred feet from the Ohio. Set out for Outlook. Tear my hair out trying to get across Ohio. Remember that I became a Baptist in Louisville and prayed to the lord to get me to the other side of the river. Survive. Drive drive drive.
The dotted road is not exactly what I expected. It is scenic in that it is not a highway but does not run along the river as advertised. It is like West Virginia but not scary. Drive drive drive. I am trying to make time but do it pleasantly. Drive drive drive. Approach larger tiny town. Maybe this is where the Outlook is. Don't see it and don't go down the side streets to look either. Cross bridge. Not sure what river this is but it may or may not be the Ohio. Drive drive drive. Get to Leavenworth. Note picturesque Stephenson's General Store. Pass General Store. Regret it as it may be the last potty I see in another few hours. Tenth of a mile later see Outlook Restaurant! It is indeed on the river and has an unbelievable view. This is the Outlook. This is the sideways view from the Outlook. 
This is a lovely family taking pictures by the Outlook. This is some coal barges. Oops. Didn't get coal barges in. 
This is another picture and this is one more. Sorry that I am not hungry as this place would really be a good one. Go back to General Store to get soda and go to the restroom.
This is Stephenson's General Store. The outside says they have camping supplies. I guess there is a lot of camping around here. Ask counter lady. Yes they have a lot of state parks here and basically all the rest is okay for camping too. There is always enough room for everybody. Stephenson's also has a huge restroom. It seems that everyone around these parts likes to have large clean restrooms. Fine by me. In the restroom there is a ball jar with a pump on it for the soap. They are for sale except they are out of them right now.
Stephenson's also carries fancy soda. Here in the middle of nowhere. Stewart's. Jones. And Stephenson's General Store brand. Also Dad's red cream soda which still tickles me. Walk out with three sodas which is a bad idea because I usually buy a soda when I have to use the restroom. This is the sodas.
This is Woody in Stephenson's parking lot. And this is the minivan parked in front of it (no picture but use your imagination). Driver comes over to admire Woody. Minivan has Florida plates. Explain that I grew up there and he wants to know what school I went to. Slides open minivan side door to display full house of older people with those huge wraparound sunglasses on. The lady in the far back seat is Judith Martins. She taught English at Shorecrest which is where my sister went. I explained that she would definitely know my sister as she was a real troublemaker and ended up graduating from that weird alternative school. Judith doesn't think she ever had her in class but knows of her. This was 35 years ago. Explained that sister became an English teacher. Judith raised her eyebrows.
Drive drive drive. Eyes getting tired (damn Lasik) and beginning to drive directly into sun. Decision time. Stay on dotted line road or go to other dotted line road which doesn't seem to go near the river but neither does this one. Hesitate in crossroad. I mean in crossroad. Last minute decision. Stay on original dotted line road. No improvement. Need to get near I-something to find Holiday Inn Express. Damn GPS not helpful at all. Why can't they show the names of the roads like the old ones did? Note to self: see if Garmin still supporting old one. Actually see river for about one tenth of a mile. It is very nice and it looks like people have vacation places here. Veer back toward civilization, I think. Do a series of u-turns. Can't figure out where the fuck I am. Stop for gas at first one I see in 50 miles. Nice handsome black man strikes up old car conversation. He is my dream date. I am too tired to flirt. Dream Date tells me I should go down 66. I have just done that. Through Leavenworth. Then you saw the wooden bridges and Gizzard's or Buzzard's or something's something? Uh, no. Shit. Must have gotten off the dotted line about a mile too soon after all that driving. Too tired to care. Take left onto next divided road. Still not sure where the hell I am going. Pull over and check map. Look up availability of Holiday Inn Express in Evanssomething. Very bad reviews on tripadvisor. Wish had never looked at reviews but since last night's weird place thought I should. "Long time employee" says owner is so cheap they regularly put old towels back in the rooms. You know me and hygiene. Decide to go to Paduca where the Holiday Inn Express gets all four and five dots. It will be worth it. Disillusioned by HIE. Hit road and realize that Paduca is more than two hours away. Decide on the fly to go to Bowling Green even though it is not remotely in the direction I want to go but is going south. There is absolutely nothing on the Parkway (whatever that is) between here and Bowling Green. I do like the divided four lanes with pretty much no one on it as it is now dark and there aren't too many opposing headlights and I can see okay. Bad thing is that it is, oh, forty miles between exits and so no gas stations etc. so you really have to trust your car but Woody is doing great so far. Approach Bowling Green. Nothing. Next to Bowling Green. Nothing. Past Bowling Green. Nothing. I-whatever. Get on I-whatever going south which seems like the right way but somehow I remember from the map that it is not quite the right way. Now here's the kicker: you can go to Nashville or (really) Elizabethtown KY, the center of all gravitational pull. Choose Nashville. 38 miles. Nashville is in Tennessee. I want to be in Arkansas. Keep driving. No exits. Finally light in the distance. Holiday Inn Express! Cross fingers that it will be a good one. It is. Santosh Xavier is the manager. He will upgrade me to a suite because I am a Priority Club member. Thanks, but I want a regular room. Homier. Get great room. Praise Jesus. Santosh shakes my hand and says I can check out any time I want. Note to self: post on tripadvisor for first time. If Santosh is not the owner, he should be. But what's with the hispanic last name? The United Nations works fine for me if they are all like Santosh.